Farewell 2020

Goodbye, 2020. This year has been difficult for everyone in some way or form and I know this year hit some families harder than others. I've been reading some mottos online for 2020. I have yet to come across one that really speaks to me. 

2020 has changed life in so many ways. It's crazy to think about. I keep thinking about how quickly it all happened. The timing for me might have been even more important since my spring break had just begun when the pandemic hit. So life was almost sectioned off neatly into two parts: at school before spring break of my upper-year and at home ever since. But the changes have been rapid and drastic, almost like living a dystopian novel. I wear a mask wherever I go, and I don't think anyone has seen my face for nine months. I haven't even touched the jeans sitting in my drawer, or the blouses that I would wear to classes. I dodge people when I run outside or go on walks, an action that may have been regarded as rude before. Now, people actually appreciate it when you give them their own side of the sidewalk. Companies have responded to these lifestyle changes (or the ones that will survive have!) and I feel it when I browse on their websites. When I see clothing companies advertise more "loungewear" for instance, it almost confirms a reality that's too incredible to believe.

But now, we're about to say farewell to 2020. And it's during this time of year that people often set New Year's Resolutions. Frankly, I've never been very good about remembering mine because the goals are often too specific. I believe that this explains why for most people, New Year's Resolutions do pertain to just the "new year." Or the first three to four-ish months of the year. 

Yet during our last prefect meeting of the year, one of my remote prefectees from Seattle introduced her tactic to countering the forgetfulness associated with resolutions. Rather than picking one specific resolution, she picks a theme for the year. I'm inspired by her idea and I'd like to try that this year. In fact, I didn't even create a resolution last year because experience taught me I'd likely forget it! But I'm going to create a one-word theme this year to focus on. Seems a lot easier to remember than oddly specific goals. 

HOPE

That's my theme for 2021 and I'm going to try to stick with it. There's lots of good to come in 2021. It might not happen in the early half of the year, but I'm hopeful that it will eventually. Hope will get me through next year.  

Farewell, 2020!

The oak and the willow

 “The oak fought the wind and was broken, the willow bent when it must and survived.”
― Robert Jordan, The Fires of Heaven

Quite symbolic of how I'm feeling right now. I sense the wind coming in my direction. I sense it pushing me over with an impulsive strength. Will I be the oak or the willow? I choose the willow, which means that I must keep myself afloat through these strenuous times. It will be OK. We will make it through. 

2030 by Dr. Mauro Guillén

Over Thanksgiving break (feels like a long time ago!), I read 2030 by Dr. Mauro Guillén from the Wharton School of Business. I think Guillén is one of the most innovative thinkers in this business world because he looks at business problems from a global lens. I took his Coursera course, called "Global Trends for Business and Society" after which, I just had to read his new book. 

Every time I pick up Guillén, I know I'm going to think about problems differently; he shifts my perspective. In 2030, Guillén focuses on what he calls "lateral thinking." Instead of thinking about problems as a trickle-down effect, he urges readers to see how one facet can relate to multiple problems, therefore, being laterally connected. 

Before reading 2030, I grappled with China's growing influence as an economic superpower. I realized that the problem in my thinking was that I failed to see that this was almost inexorable because of China's massive population. Not only that, but Guillén argues that in the next decade, the markets will considerably shift towards Asian consumer tastes. This arises from the fact that the middle classes in Asia are growing and the population is still relatively young. Naturally, if businesses are to profit, it would be prudent of them to shift their focus to the Asian markets. Perhaps this issue has become particularly prominent because of the US leadership in the last four years. Nonetheless, regardless of the policies Western countries may try to institute to protect commerce and business, a major problem still exists that may hinder all progress: demographic shifts that benefit the Asian market. 

I've also been challenged to think about aging populations. One statistic stuck out to me: the 60+ age group owns 80% of the wealth in the US and 55% globally yet only 1 in 7 companies properly targets this age group. Companies would benefit from creating products for this age group!

What also struck me was the fact that in the US today, there are 120 million people in the middle class – defined as a household making between $30k and $150k per year – and 121 middle people in the combined upper and working classes. There are more people on the extremes than in the middle. This is both an interesting and horrifying number. There seem to be many reasons for this, wealth inequality being one. But another problem is that there are fewer stable, high paying jobs in this country due to the emergence of the sharing economy. Consequently, millennials, defined as people born between 1980 to 1995, are having a hard time getting into the middle class because it's harder to secure those jobs. This is also contributing to the US's shrinking middle class, among other factors like higher divorce rates or putting off rites of passage like marriage. 

This brings me to the final point that really struck me from 2030. And it's that immigrants create an inexplicably positive impact on our economy. Immigrants pay more in taxes than they receive in benefits. That's the common reason I've heard cited before, except it's so much more than that. Immigrants tend to be either high skills or low skills workers, meaning they're filling in the jobs that we need most. They also tend to have more children, keeping our fertility rates up. Compared to their native counterparts, immigrants tend to save more money and aspire to own houses, cars, and get married, all of which benefit the recipient country and its economy. I am curious as to how subsequent decades will be shaped by the behaviors of the children of immigrants. 

I could go on and on about Dr. Guillén's work. He is truly an inspirational writer and thinker. I find myself citing his work even in my classes. I give 2030 five stars. It will truly change the way you think about the world. 

18

This past week, I turned 18, a big year for obvious reasons like legally entering adulthood. I'm both excited and nervous for adulthood for the plethora of other new responsibilities that come with it.  

I'm one week into adulthood and the funny thing is I feel far from it, a testament to the adage that "age is just a number." I'm feeling that peculiar misalignment right now because, for example, I'm supposed to pay taxes as an adult. But at the same, I'm an "adult" who still can't drive (or even has a permit for that matter). I'm also an adult who still lives with my parents as a "student." And I'm an "adult" who hasn't earned any assets of my own. I seem to be taking on multiple identities at once; I'm legally something I don't feel. 

That train of questioning led me to think, what's up with age? Do experiences define age? Does having done a certain "bucket list" of items define adulthood? Sometimes I come across super mature students who are younger than me who speak, think, and act nothing like their age. I can't help but wonder why. Perhaps they've simply lived through more dynamic or nonlinear experiences. For example, some of my older friends say that a major breakup in a relationship can "add years and wisdom." Or, experiencing the loss of a loved one engenders wisdom and age too.

Regardless of what the law says, I still feel like a kid at heart because I know I haven't experienced enough. I thirst to know what holds beyond high school, both socially, career-wise, and academically. I feel I have a lot of exploring – of both myself and the world – to do and until I acquire knowledge on that front, I don't think I'll ever "feel" like an adult. To me, it's almost the accumulation of experiences that define age. And some people get there faster than others and that's okay. Nonetheless, I cannot wait for what's in store in the upcoming years of adulthood.

Senior Fall

Senior fall is a notorious term for high schoolers in the US. It's a time when students are both applying to colleges but also trying to manage likely the hardest combination of courses of their high school careers. This was certainly the case for me this past term. Nonetheless, I believe times of uncertainty, stress, and difficulty are the times that build the most character and the times when I've grown the most as a person. So while I'm relishing the last couple of days of Thanksgiving break, I'm also using this time to reflect upon what I've learned during this past, unprecedented term. 

The logistical aspects of this term have certainly challenged my scheduling skills as a student. Whereas in previous terms classes were taken during the day and homework completed that night, 8 PM classes have really disrupted this norm. I'm now used to saving work given from a night class for the morning. The notion of "saving work for tomorrow morning" was something I could not imagine myself doing before. While I'm not the person who feels they have to complete assignments as soon as they're posted, I'm still the kind of student who starts assignments well before they're due. Night classes required some adjusting from that tendency of mine and personal acceptance that sometimes I won't complete everything by the time I go to bed. And that's okay. 

Due to the limitations generated by the health pandemic, I've been forced to change the way I think about socializing. While Andover gave students the option to return to the campus in the fall, I chose to stay remote for the term. Many of my friends who returned to campus mentioned in classes that they felt it wasn't the same Andover, or that it wasn't the Andover "senior year experience" because of the socializing opportunities. In this sense, I suppose everyone was on the same boat in terms of reimaging socializing. For me, texting people was the primary way I communicated. If I saw something that reminded me of someone, I would reach out to them casually. Of course, this form of communication could never replace in-person or what once was.  But I think most students have managed to navigate these foreign waters in some shape or form. 

Finally, the last important thing I experienced as a student this term was a comeback. I think something a lot of students are used to is things coming easily and flowing smoothly. I can ascertain that until this term, I was one of those students. Comprehension came with inputting time. Executing a plan came with setting a schedule. But this past term, for the first time in my high school career, a lot of things did not flow smoothly. I was having trouble identifying grammar mistakes in French essays, even if I spent hours editing my paper. I was simply blind to those errors until my teacher circled them. I was also having trouble picking up topics in other subjects. While part of this is a result of taking on the hardest course load I've ever had at Andover, I think a great deal of this came from the fact that my head was in multiple spaces at once. At all times, I was thinking about school work, the pandemic, and college applications. And at the midterm, my performance in some classes wasn't in the best shape. Nonetheless, I managed to improve in all my classes in the second half of the term, my comeback. As cliché as it sounds, for the first time, I really experienced the adage "it's not over until it's over." More importantly, senior fall was a precursor of the fact that I'm really going to have to work for things I want in the future and that no, I shouldn't get used to things coming smoothly; accomplishing what I want is going to take hard work, grit, and perseverance.

I am grateful for this past term. Even though it's not socially what anyone anticipated, I've learned and grown in ways I don't think I would've had life been normal. My second to last term at Andover begins on Wednesday. I cannot wait for what's in store.  

Thanksgiving 2020

Even in trying times like 2020, there's something to be grateful for. While I've felt from a young age that the idea of having a day of thanks, namely Thanksgiving, withdraws from the fundamental value of practicing gratitude every day, in challenging times I believe that highlighting the things we appreciate becomes even more important. 2020 has changed the ways of life in both temporary and permanent manners for everyone and I think it's important for me to sit back and reflect on things I appreciate.

I'm grateful that I have a roof over my head and that generally speaking, my family is in good health. 

I'm grateful for the people who risk their lives going to work every day so that the risk they bear may benefit the community. 

I'm grateful for the front line workers in hospitals and medical facilities. I understand that many of these medical workers, nurses, and doctors entered the field with the noble life mission to save others' lives. And COVID has utterly defied what they believed was possible to do. I cannot imagine the stress that also comes with being in that position of making the tough phone call to family members. Thank you to these first-line responders. 

I'm grateful for my teachers and friends for their support this time when it's challenging to be a student. To my advisor in particular, who's been there for me every week and who's created a warm, inviting community amongst his advisees where we can laugh, have fun, and have deep conversations about our troubles.

I'm grateful to my parents as always. I've spent more time with them in the last eight-ish months than I have in the past three years because I've been learning remotely instead of boarding. I'm so grateful for our dinners every night, our walks around the neighborhood at night, and their support in my journey through college applications. 

Meghan Markle, the Duchess of Sussex, wrote a powerful article in the New York Times yesterday called "The Losses We Share." The last sentence in her article resonated with me: "Are we OK? We will be." Perhaps this is a reminder of how we must approach not just the remainder of this year, but how we must persevere through a global recovery that could last years. But we will be OK. And I'm grateful for that light at the end of the tunnel. 

Happy Thanksgiving

 

The Queen's Gambit

It's quite uncharacteristic of me to watch television shows, mostly because I find that some shows drag on a little longer than I can maintain interest. But last night, I finished watching The Queen's Gambit on Netflix and I think experienced what must be considered a paradigm shift in the way I understand TV shows, directing, and storytelling now. This is a MUST WATCH!! I would 100% recommend this show to everyone. 

-- spoiler alert! -- 

The Queen's Gambit is about an orphan, named Elizabeth (Beth) Harmon, who's a chess prodigy. And while this plot may seem simple (and the ending foreseeable), I have not been able to stop thinking about this show. What amazes me most is how directors Scott Frank and Allan Scott take this traditional game of chess and turn it into a whole new world in the show. They make this movie interesting through artistic, directorial choices. Otherwise, watching 7 episodes about…well, chess might come across as boring to most audiences. Through advertent storytelling decisions, Frank and Scott drive viewers to root so badly for Beth Harmon in her tournaments. I could feel her thoughts, envision them almost in my head. I felt her emotion seep through the screen. I could feel Harmon's frustrations, her fears, and the anxiety she was trying to hide in her matches against Soviet grandmasters, all of which were successfully portrayed by the talented Anya Taylor-Joy. 

Not only was the directing thoughtful, calculated, and well-executed, but the story itself was filled with symbolism. My heart reached out to Beth when she revisited the Methuen Home to find that Mr. Shaibel had never forgotten about her all those years or when she always bought two plane tickets everywhere, one for herself and the other for her deceased foster mother Alma. Additionally, the role of the tranquilizers Beth took throughout the show was unclear at first. Initially, I jumped to the conclusion that she needed to take the pills to visualize the chessboard and her previous games. But as the directors slowly reveal Beth's past, it became clear that these pills were a coping mechanism for trauma after her mother's suicide attempt. When she flushed the remaining pills down the toilet before her final match against World Champion Borgov, it symbolizes Beth overcoming the negativity that's shrouded her entire life since the car accident that left her an orphan. 

---------

This is the kind of show everyone should watch, particularly in 2020, a year full of crisis and trauma on a global scale. "The Queen's Gambit" is a feel-good show, through the tears and moments of frustration. It draws at the heartstrings of viewers and I personally found myself rallying for Beth in a way I haven't observed with many other movie characters. 2020 has been a difficult year for everyone around the world and while watching TV shows won't resolve the ongoing crises, at least it presents a source of momentary distraction and appreciation for this incredible work of film. I absolutely loved this series.

Résumé Virtues and Eulogy Virtues

A couple years back, I used to visit the site Medium frequently. It's an idea-sharing platform, almost like a news source with a blog-style take. I must be frank, I'd fallen out of the habit of checking Medium, but a few weeks ago, our class read an article from the site in EBI. I immediately reconnected with the feelings that attracted me the Medium in the first place after reading "Résumé Virtues, Eulogy Virtues, and the Impact of Small Moments". This article resonated greatly with me and I've been reflecting on it for some time now since EBI. 

In this article, Mike Sturm argues most people possess two sets of traits. For example, being a hard-worker, responsible, articulate, and intelligent are what Sturm calls "résumé virtues". They're the kinds of traits that employers want to see, but that you wouldn't necessarily highlight when introducing someone in a non-work setting. "Résumé" traits are also what many schools tend to breed in students these days through rewarding those who focus on perfecting their school work over other areas of their beings.

On the other hand, Sturm designates the second set of traits as "eulogy virtues". Possessing traits like charisma, emotional intelligence, resiliency, kindness, patience, and an optimistic character are, as the term suggests, traits you'd say in a eulogy. Sturm writes that in today's high-power, forward-thinking society, people are wrongly raised to focus almost exclusively on résumé traits. In turn, these soft skills or characteristics are inadvertently de-emphasized. And I couldn't agree with him more. 

For most of my academic career, I've believed in educating the whole person. I've always found character to be the thing that draws me most to people. When I say "character", I'm referring to what Sturm calls "eulogy virtues." I don't understand what it is about our education system, but too often it fails to reward those traits. Instead, the system rewards people for résumé virtues. People with strong résumé virtues often perform better in school and receive better job offers. They may be called the "alphas".

But I see the implications of this every day. When people don't feel they're rewarded for things like kindness or emotional intelligence, they don't spend time developing or reflecting upon those areas of themselves. This can people to be reluctant to help peers. Peers feel ultra-competitive, pushing themselves to the limits to oust everyone else from the performance picture. In the work environment, it pushes everyone to be extra critical of each other to the point where at some companies, I've read that it's normal for "team" meetings to lead to people crying. Where is it that we lost the ability to be constructive and kind? To be compassionate and hardworking. To be optimistic and data-driven. Where is it that we lost eulogy values? 

Perhaps it's even too general to denominate these as "eulogy" values because they're not just things that we should say when someone passes. "Eulogy virtues" touches upon the fundamentals of human character. Of personality. Of genuine goodness in people. And while a herd of people with strong résumé virtues may serve the economy relentlessly, we shouldn't lose sight of the value of a good human being. 

My cat turns 20!

My cat, Beibei, has been with me since day 1. Seriously. As my parents tell it, when they came home from the hospital with me, she didn't leave my side because she couldn't tell what I was! It shocks me somewhat to think about the life my cat has lived thus far. My cat was 2 years old when I came home. I'm leaving for college next fall and she's still here! She's made it to the twenties before me yet she's spent most of her life observing us, humans. Perhaps this explains her inexplicable intelligence. My family likes to say that "Beibei knows everything". She truly does. For example, when we talk about her in conversations, her tail begins to waver up and down as she picks out her name mid-sentence. Through the ups and downs, she's seen it all in this family. Happy 20th, Beibei. 

One of my favorite pictures of Beibei. She was only 2 years old here!

To celebrate Beibei's 20th, we bought a (human) cake

 

11/7: History is made

Today, the American people elected Joe Biden as the 46th President-elect of the United States of America. Kamala Harris, the Vice President-elect would be the first female Vice President in US history. Today, history was made. 

From the WSJ

The internet is bursting with this news. From podcasts to websites to commentary articles, everything seems to be focused on some aspect of this unprecedented, utterly important 2020 election. I particularly enjoyed this NYTimes article. Not only was the language smooth and energetic, but rather than reciting facts about the close election, the writers discussed the implications of Biden's win for the country. It successfully painted the importance of this election in American history. 

There's been a lot of posts circulating on social media too. Quite typical these days as most of my friends seem to getting their news from Instagram. From looking through people's stories, I've noticed a wide variety of posts being shared. This one from NPR's feed stuck out most to me. It's an utterly human moment for Kamala Harris. She's in workout clothes, on a walk-in nature. It provides a very human look into the life of the Vice President-elect, whom we otherwise rarely see in a professional setting. I love hearing Harris's laugh at the end. It's resonant and reveals her warm character. 

I don't think I can successfully do justice to what happened today in American history, which is why I shared these two posts from other media whom I believe has captured what I cannot put into words. All I can say is that nearly 150 million American people, the most in the entire history of US elections, have worked to have their voices heard in the middle of a global pandemic and it's the duty of both candidates to uphold our democracy. 

Education

 “Education is the ability to listen to almost anything without losing your temper or your self-confidence.” 

–Robert Frost 

A while back, one of my best friends shared with me a motto she lives by: Everything is learnable. This is how she approaches academics and difficult subjects. After all, learning is more controllable than most things in the world. 

I love her motto saying and I believe it pertains to Frost's quote; learning is a process and when you listen to something with the intent to learn, soon it'll have no reason to deprecate self-confidence because you'll understand it:) 

I struggled this past week with some French assignments so I'm thinking of this quote as I reflect on my week. As long as I keep at it, soon, it'll have no reason to cause me to lose my temper or confidence. 

A Response to "Why Does Trump Win With White Men?"

This weekend, I read a troubling opinion article in the NYTimes titled "Why Does Trump Win With White Men?". 

This article captured my attention, mostly because it began by declaring America would look very different if only white males could vote. "We’d have a Senator Roy Moore representing Alabama, where 72 percent of the state’s white male voters…cast their ballot for a man who was accused of sexually assaulting a 14-year-old girl…We’d likely have a Senator David Duke from Louisiana…And there would never have been a President Barack Obama".

Writer Michael Sokolove went on to address the big question in academics: why? He begins by shoving statistics. Trump leads Biden amongst white men by a 12-percent margin: 53 to 41. The most recent NYTimes poll shows that more men back Trump than Biden (48% versus 42%) and that for women, it's the overwhelming opposite: 35% back Trump and 58% back Biden. 

Sokolove declared in his article that a "gender gap" exists between how men and women choose to vote: "Women tend to cast votes based on what they perceive as the overall benefit to the nation and their communities. Men are more self-interested." This raised question marks for me. It did not sit right with me. I wondered, is Sokolove viewing the complete picture? Does saying something like this inherently perpetuate sexism?

Sociologist Martin Gilens, the chairman of the public policy department at UCLA stated that the origins of the "gender gap" in voting likely "reflects traditional differences in male and female values and personalities, differences such as men’s greater competitiveness and concerns with issues of power and control, and women’s greater compassion and nurturance, rejection of force and violence, and concern with interpersonal relations.” This is extremely outdated language! I wrestled with Dr. Gilen's words, which didn't seem to fit right into today's context where women are increasingly gaining more rights throughout the world, delaying childbirth, entering male-dominated fields like government and business, and going to school at higher rates than ever throughout the world. 

Furthermore, Sokolove's article failed to address how toxic societal constructions surrounding "manliness" may drive the vote. The current president is brunt, displays vile behavior towards women, which his supporters seem to care little about, and rather than seeking to unite the country, he aggressively divides it. Sokolove makes the argument that white men tend to vote for Trump because their "main concern is more likely to be the balance in his 401(k) account." But in making that statement, Sokolove overlooked an entire group of white men who may vote for Trump out of desperation to adhere to "masculinity" standards. Trump's policies inhibit women's rights, such as abortion, more than Biden's. Particularly with Trump's recent Supreme Court nomination, Amy Coney Barrett, who is extremely pro-life, the current president supports policies that strengthen the patriarchy. This may also be driving the white male vote.

I appreciate how numbers-driven Sokolove's article is. And I also like how he delved into historical voting patterns, stating that the "gender gap" likely emerged around Reagan's election in 1980. He also provided many examples to support his argument. I think perhaps in a broader, historical sense, his argument about the gender gap in voting patterns may be true. But in this election, I would say it does not apply. The economy is in a recession no matter what so re-electing our current president is not a bet on 401(k)s. This year is unprecedented and it's time to change.

Election 2020 and Michael Beschloss

I'm disenchanted by the fact that I'm less than one month too young to vote in the 2020 election. In fact, I am precisely 28 days too young; the election happens just four weeks before my 18th birthday. 

Last night, Andover invited Michael Beschloss '73 to talk about the importance of the imminent November 3rd date. Beschloss is an American historian who specializes in the US Presidency. I attended his talk over Zoom on Friday night, which inspired me a new understanding of the importance of this election from a historical aspect.  

Beschloss's talk resonated most when he dissected the outlooks of the first few presidents of the United States, namely George Washington and Thomas Jefferson, and compared them to the current administration. I soaked in Beschloss's words because they reminded me of what I'd learned in my US history course last year about the founding of this country. He spoke to how George Washington's humbleness and refusal to serve a third term as the first President of the United States set a precedent for future leaders of this country. And from a historical sense, this makes sense: the two term limit wasn't amended until after FDR's third term in the late 1940s post WWII. Beschloss also mentioned how Washington and Jefferson refused to take third terms because they believed the United States President was honor-bound not too take too much power. Jefferson didn't even dress up for his inaugural day; he dressed as an ordinary citizen because he believed the role of the President was not to be monarchical. 

This part lingered with me greatly, because what this country has witnessed in the past year would put Jefferson and Washington to tears. The democracy of this country, the ability to have our voices heard through voting, is at risk. This democracy that hundreds of thousands of people died fighting for throughout the entire history of this country, that was actually the catalyst for the very founding of this country, is all at risk because we have a president who is trying to hinder our voices from being heard. 

When the President of the United States quotes the Soviet Union, snuggles up to our enemies while affronting our allies, and harbors pertinent information from the American people, I cannot help but believe this person is trying to become a dicator, not the President of a freedom-loving, democratic society that Washington and Jefferson embodied and envisioned. Our current President honors none of the values upon which this country was founded and neglects the history of this nation. Nevertheless, he advertently spreads blasphemous lies in an attempt to deceive the American people with false information. 

While I write this post today, I must be frank in that I did not always feel as strongly about voting this man out of office. His treatment of women, transactions with foreign leaders, and the image he projected of America always bothered me. Yet as an Independent, and an independent thinker, I gave him a chance. The economy was doing well before the pandemic. Unemployment rates were at a 50 year low, the mean household income had risen to over $68,000, and the market was performing well. Nevertheless, my views have shifted dramatically this year when a series of behaviors and actions undertaken by the President negated his performance beyond the returns of a strong economy. While I surely do not agree with everything the Dems propose, I adamantly stand by the fact that we need a change in leadership. We need to reinstill basic human decency. 

Would you go back to your childhood?

Every season is characterized by something different. In the winter, I think of the sun ironically. It's more glaring in the winter as it pierces right through the bare trees and reflects off the snow. Winter also brings a deathly silence outdoors. There are moments where the only thing I can hear is my own heaving breath. Sound is almost frozen, suffocating and unable to travel through the stifling air.  Spring is a beautiful time of year and is certainly my favorite season. Not the wet, chilly parts of spring, but the mild, sunny days where the grass is just beginning to reveal shades of green. The air in the spring feels wet and heavy but in a refreshing way. Unlike the winter, where sound is frozen, I hear birds for the first time in months when it's spring. Sound in my ears. That's when I know warmer weather is to come. 

When I think about summer, I'm reminded of my clothes clinging to every part of my body. Sweat pools at my sternum and I feel my socks stick to the bottoms of my shoes. I also always wear a hat outdoors in the summer. Summer is characterized by my blurry selfie camera on my phone from humidity

And then there's fall. Where we are right now. I love the fall because of the crisp air, New England colors, and because it's dahlia season. The leaves crunch everywhere I walk and pine needles that would otherwise not be affected by a storm fall at the slightest gusts of wind. But I love fall because it's also a time where I see and hear a lot of kids playing outside. Their giggles ripple through my windows where I'm studying. When I drive through town, I see kids biking, playing with chalk, jump roping, or probably playing some version of "house". 

And that's where the bittersweet edge of fall comes into play. While I feel a sprinkling of sadness with winter's approach, the ecstasy of little kids playing outsides evokes a great bittersweet taste within me. Their happiness, joy, and innocence puts my current teenage lifestyle to shame. When I see them playing "house" or trying to sell things outside it's reminds me of what unabridged imagination can do. I remember thinking I was going to become Bill Gates selling friendship bracelets and "perfume" made of grass and vanilla extract outside my house when I was young.  When I was younger, anything felt tangible: if I could imagine it then it could happen. The mere possibility of every thought becoming true made me happy as a kid.

But would I forsake knowledge and darkness in return for that level of innocence again? To be stripped of all responsibilities and knowledge? Would I rather just live in bliss like that? Perhaps this points to English philosopher Jeremy Bentham's thoughts on pleasure and pain. When the world grows difficult and I start to lose control of my reins on life, perhaps I do wish I could go back a little. To relieve myself of reality. To just…be. But I wouldn't want to give up my knowledge for innocence. The world is ugly and society is not as just, perfect, or ideal as I imagined it as a kid. But I wouldn't give it up. Perhaps that's why I'm still bearing it all day by day. 

Dahlias

 It's been a difficult and long week. I don't think I've felt this stressed in a while, if ever. Balancing my performance in classes with college applications is harder than I imagined. Furthermore, the fact that classes are taking more time than I anticipated has dragged my days into midnight. 

But there's always something to appreciate, even in these grueling, last couple of weeks before my earlies are due and today, I found that bit of light at Whole Foods. By luck, the moment my mom and I walked through the door, a FiveFork Farms truck pulled up with a fresh batch of dahlias in the most watercolor-esque blends. I love flowers but I rarely buy fresh-cut ones. I dislike when a part of me almost withers with the flowers near the end of their cycle. Nonetheless, these flowers were too good to pass on. Dahlias in the most perfect, spherical shapes of the purples and pinks that I love. I hope they bring a little brilliance to your day too. 

Things I love Lately

Week 2 of school done. Onto Week 3. Since it's my senior fall term, it doesn't surprise me that my days are long and filled with to-dos. I completed a daunting list of to-dos this weekend, which I believe will benefit me greatly in this upcoming week as I shy closer to 1 month from turning in my earlies. When I've had a long emotional day, packed with activities, classes, meetings, and homework from 6:30 to midnight, I whisper to myself before bed that it's just 3 more months before I'm completely done with college work. Even during these long days where sunlight hours grow increasingly short, I'm holding onto new things I'm discovering that I enjoy. 

Pilates. I tried Pilates back in June and it's really changed the way I workout. Instead of running 5 miles, which equates around 50 minutes of cardio, and then walking a mile, 20 minutes, I will run around 4 miles and do 30 minutes of pilates in the end. I've gotten better muscle tone, hills are easier to run up, and I can finally do 10 good pushups. Recently, I added resistance bands to my routine and I've found that the same exercises are continuously challenging, which I love. 

G.E.M. She's a Chinese singer from Taiwan. I've been in love with her music lately. Not traditional Chinese music, but very upbeat pop. From what I've heard, she's pretty well known in Asia and from listening to her music, it doesn't come as a surprise. Though I have trouble picking out the lyrics, unlike other Chinese pop songs, I find the harmonies, the editing, and G.E.M's mixed usage of Chinese and English appealing. Her songs make up the majority of my "on repeat" playlist on Spotify because they're true "all-occasion" songs.

European History. I'm learning about the Renaissance in my European History right now. In previous history classes, the Renaissance was often referred to as a period of "enlightenment" which didn't really make sense to me. It's clear now that the Renaissance was a period of tremendous progress in the arts, sciences, and philosophy. But what intrigues me most about the time was how people's perceptions of their own life changed; they grew more outward-looking. Rather than focusing on the sole mission of getting to heaven, people wanted to live in the now…to be present. And this mentality is in part responsible for the tremendous amount of growth that occurred academically and culturally during the time. I suppose this points to the very importance of community engagement in today's society. While it was certainly emphasized back then amongst Renaissance thinkers, the importance of community service is no less important today in driving positive societal change. 

What are things you love lately?

One week

 It's amazing what can change in just one week. 

One week. 1/52 of a long year. Small but surprisingly powerful. Some weeks go by and I can't seem to pinpoint any noticeable changes in myself. Others go by and I struggle to realize the amount of chaos,hat occurred happened in just…one week. Why is this? Perhaps that's proves the efficacy of blogging once per week. I believe a person really can change in a matter of one week, for better or for worse. 

This past week, I started school. 

I got to know my prefects better. 

I attended a leadership training session about drugs and alcohol. 

I ended a relationship with a friend. 

I complied my summer's work of college essays. 

I received feedback on my common app essay. 

I met all my teachers for the first time. 

Ruth Bader Ginsberg passed away at 87.

While each of these moments doesn't directly change me on an individual scale, they collectively represent tangible personal growth in just one week. 

I learned more about myself this past week. 

My morales of fairness was challenged by my friend. 

I adjusted to my schedule for the upcoming 9 nine weeks. 

The culmination of a summer's work on college essays faced reality when I sent my drafts out to my counselor. 

The political landscape changed from just one week ago.

I am continuously amazed by the power of time. I suppose the only thing truly out of human control is this element. Some things only time can tell. For some, that time can't come quickly enough. For others, every week brings an opportunity to become a better person, to understand something more deeply, to support another. I realize again and again that the element moving me forward most is time. Hence, the power behind just one week.

Anxiety, Senior Year, and my goal

 I'm feeling a little anxiety as the first day of classes rolls around the corner. My day begins with my usual workout, followed by the first All School Meeting of the year. My last first ASM of high school. 

It's as if everything is a last first. Last first fall term. Last first time driving to campus in the fall. So many imminent changes in this upcoming year, from knowing where I'll go to college to how the remainder of the year will look. 

I'm trying to gather my thoughts before classes begin and I haven't yet finished working through the weeds. I thought back to what I wrote last week about summer 2020 being the three months that every preceding summer was spent fretting over. This past week I finally found a cohesive, clear way to say what I've been trying to express. This past summer was the most important summer of my childhood. Most important because it was the culmination of everything I've experienced at this point in my meager 17 years of existence. But it's also the most important because it's the summer that would help me transition from a child into an adult. It's the summer before I moved onto the next phase of my life. 

I'm walking into senior year, my first classes, and my last first ASM with one very clear goal for myself. In precedent years, many argued high school was just 3 years plus one term long. And I've heard people say this because many students give up, slack off, or experience an extreme case of senioritis in the winter and spring terms in their final year. My goal is to leave Andover with four solid years of high school under my belt. I signed up for high school, not 3 years and 1 term. I'll continue working hard, learning for the enjoyment of it, and attending all my classes. I must also ensure I continue to choose challenging courses and pushing myself to the limit. Because while I may be moving onto the next phase of my life (college), I'll never finish my academic endeavors so why stop now?

Reality

 "Reality leaves a lot to the imagination" -John Lennon

This week, reality slapped. Orientation begins this week. Classes begin in two weeks. The reality is that school is starting back up again, something that felt impossibly far way back in March when the pandemic hit. I suppose a part of me, in March, believed we would never reach this point. But somehow time just flew by, as I usually find out, and the day is creeping in closer than before. 

Reality slapped because this past week, I realized my summer is pretty much over. The long-anticipated summer before I apply to college is almost over. The summer where I would spend my days writing essays. A no-messing-around summer. In May, I feared for the subsequent three months before school and a large part of this comes from the anxiety that has built up over the years around summer 2020. I'm on the other side now. I made it through this summer and I accomplished what I had so fearfully accrued. 

Reality does leave a lot of room to the imagination. For me, I'm often entranced by the what if's. What if I procrastinated so much and didn't start my essays at all this summer? What if school never started again? What if life got in the way and I fell behind on college apps? The reality is that time will draw everything to a close. Imagination just scares us by making this stretch of time seem farther, larger, and more intimidating than it really is. Hence, to John Lennon's point.  

How kindness manifests

I've been thinking a bit about kindness in the context of manifestation. How come some people appear unctuous and kind until you hear them go behind their friend's back? Or others sulkily sit in the corner of the room and you can't help wondering who they are. This is not meant to categorize people. Rather, I hope understanding that kindness manifests in people differently will inspire us to give everyone a chance, no matter whether they're smiling when they see us or look blank.
 

I believe there are four primary kinds of people when it comes to the manifestation of kindness. Some people appear kind because they genuinely are. I have an immense amount of respect for these people who believe in the best in others, ask others how they're doing, and seem sincerely concerned about other people's wellbeing. I have a friend on Snapchat who periodically asks me how I'm doing. Just out of the blue. We start a little streak and she always asks out of true kindness with no strings attached. She doesn't want anything from me or ask anything of me; she just wants to know how I'm doing. Thank you, EL, for showing me true kindness on both the inside and out. 

On the opposite side, there are people who appear overtly nice when you talk to them. These people spark great conversations, they give great advice on the spot, and they're energetic about life. While these people are few in number, I've learned to notice them when you for simple favors. They sort of…crack in these moments. They make quick excuses not to help you out on simple, non-time consuming tasks. It's not that these people aren't nice, they are. They just need to focus on themselves before focusing on helping their friends.

Then there are the people who aren't as kind and don't care to hide it. They're vicious on the outside and it's hard to reach them inside. Too often they're ignored by folks who "don't want to trigger them" but in turn this often backfires, leading to greater degrees of self-doubt. I seek to understand these people. While few in number, I don't believe people mean harm to the world and that everyone deserves a chance to be heard and understood. After all, experiences influence our actions more than anything so there may be a reason why some people have a darkness buried within. 

And then I've noticed a fourth kind of person. Again, I don't intend to categorize people and this is from my mere observation. They're the people who live with good intentions, to be kind to the world and people. But they don't show it. It's shrouded behind a scowl, a frown, a blank stare, or skepticism. These people are kind but too often they're not given a chance to show it. People falsely perceive just the frown instead of what lies beneath it. These are the people who also need to be given a chance to show themselves. Maybe some simple ice-breaker questions such as tell me about a funny moment is all that it takes. Maybe it will take more. 

I share my observations here because high school taught me that not everyone can walk around with a smile, can comfortably sit down at any table in the dining hall and have a conversation with people, or feel comfortable enough with themselves to attend massive social gatherings. But too often, it's the first two kinds of people who seem to cruise through socially by virtue of a natural, collective human instinct that attracts us to sources of joy. I hope this inspires a sense of renewal and reflection. So now I ask you, how does your kindness manifest?

Some weeks

Some weeks go by faster than others. This past week was another example of those weeks-are-minutes moments. Every minute of the day seemed to be put to use as I worked through some college questions.

Some weeks, history is made and this past week was one of them. For the first time in history, a female person of color has been put on the ballot of a major political party. Kamala Harris would be the first female vice president, first black vice president and first Asian-American vice president if elected. Almost since it's inception, American has never just been one cohort of people; America was built on diversity and immigrants. It's about time that we see that representation in politics. It's not enough for the President, leader, or influencers to say they care about black lives matter, or that they're not racist, or that they support the causes of POCs. They have to show it and nothing shows this celebration of diversity more than through a critical presidential election like 2020. 

Some weeks, the weather is scorching behind reason. Every day this past week saw temperatures in the high 80s to 90s. It was terrifyingly hot and a stark reminder that global warming is happening. I usually love to read outdoors and take a nap under the umbrella but it was so hot this past week that sweat seeped through my shirt even if I was sitting still. 

Some weeks, waking up is easier than others. This past week I didn't accidentally sleep in. By high school, most people have established a personal system for waking up. Some people need to set the alarm earlier than they actually need to be up and others wake up as soon as it goes off. I'm one of those people who needs to be prepared to wake up so I set my alarm a tad bit earlier than I actually want to be up. The problem I've encountered for much of the summer is waking up 1 to 1.5 hours later. This week I was up within 40 minutes of my alarm going off so my day started just that much earlier but it made me feel greatly productive. 

It's about getting through the weeks. I'm looking forward to the week when classes restart. I'm looking forward to the week I turn in my early apps. I'm looking forward to the week when I finally get to see my friends in person. The days just seem to fly by so rapidly they're gone before we realize it. But weeks are still (thankfully) slower. 

 

The Dentist…during COVID

I'm not sure why I'm so surprised by my visit to the dentist's office yesterday. I knew I shouldn't have expected the same old same old protocol, but another part of me wasn't exactly sure what to expect. Blogging this today might just be a stark reminder for the future of what my generation has experienced in what history books will likely call "The COVID-19 Pandemic" or something to that effect. 

It began with the door. Signs taped all over the door. Red pages printed out and taped on the inside of the door saying DO NOT ENTER. Call ………… for your appointment. The usual waiting room was gone, the receptionist non-existent, and the comfy chairs that I always sit-in in the waiting room out of sight. I waited outside for my appointment after giving the number on the card a call. A couple of minutes later, my hygienist came out a side door and beckoned for me to enter. She was clad head to toe in a blue gown, the usual dentist's attire. What was different though, was her grey plastic gloves, plastic face shield, and what looks like 3 masks. 

The temperature checker beeps and I read 97.9. No fever. I made it past the first phase. Symptoms list. I answer no to all the questions from chest pain to difficulty breathing to fever over 100 degrees in the last week. Phew. Second stage check. Then she squirts the most liquidated hand sanitizer on my hands that I've ever tried. It runs down the side of my hand as my other hand reaches to catch it. "It's super runny," she says. "For higher alcohol content?" I ask. She nods her head in confirmation. When the hand sanitizer dries on my hands, she hands me thick blue plastic gloves in size small. It's only until then that we wind our way through the office and into the room. 

I don't see anyone as we're winding our way through the building. All the doors are closed. No one in the hallways. Feels like a ghost office almost. Just me and my hygienist. Even through my mask, I can smell alcohol, cleaning wipes. I can hear machines buzzing throughout the office, which my hygienist explains kills bacteria and viruses in air molecules. 

She flosses and cleans my teeth after I swoosh with a liquid that kills bacteria and viruses in the mouth. But she doesn't brush. "Creates an air vacuum," she explains. When I ask whether the retainer cleaning service is still offered, she says it also creates an air vacuum for germs. It's amazing what a pandemic can bring to light. Things we don't even question on a daily basis like what creates an air vacuum suddenly become the most important aspect. Sitting in a waiting room suddenly becomes a problem and wearing three layers of masks becomes a norm. 

I saw a total of two people in the dentist's office yesterday: my doctor and my hygienist. But what struck me on the drive back home was frankly how safe I felt. I did not feel like I would get the coronavirus on my trip to the dentist because of the strict protocols. And this is good for the economy. I believe consumer behavior and faith is such an important predictor of economic performance particularly in the upcoming months so if people can just feel safe in their environments, they'll be much more likely to undertake normal activities such as dental appointments. It's just odd that this is now what feels safe. 

Every night I watch the news

Every night I watch the news, I want to scream. I find myself furious at the television, even though it's not the television's fault that the country has fallen into the state it finds itself in. This is a precarious time in the United States, one to surely make the textbooks. America is in pain. Some are grieving the losses of family members from COVID-19, which have topped well over 150,000, and others are engaged in protests against police brutality in a fight for racial equality. These are no light issues. 

Every night I watch the news, I want to yell at the people not wearing masks, not social distancing, and crowding on beaches. It's as if they simply don't trust the science we can ascertain about COVID-19, that it spreads through air particles, that it's highly contagious, that masks help, and that there can be long-term implications for perfectly healthy victims even if they don't die. The nation's top infectious disease doctor is being shunned by the President as a political move so while this science is reaching the ears of many Americans, it's the ones who simply don't care or who see taking precautions against COVID-19 as a political statement who are causing great harm to this country. It's paradoxical from the perspective of a high school senior who's in the midst of the college application process. While this is obviously not at the forefront of the nation's mind right now, it is on mine. And I can't help but wondering, what's the point of education if some of the most educated people right now are being shunned by the president?

Every night I watch the news, I think about the economic impacts of COVID-19. The US produces 2 trillion dollars of GDP roughly every 5 weeks. This simply means that additional week we spend in quarantine amasses to massive losses. Every week we can reduce of quarantine and every mask someone wears to slow down the spread of the virus will contribute to the speed at which we can return to normalcy. The US GDP contracted 32.9% this past quarter. If this country doesn't start taking this virus seriously, it will prolong the economic effects, more people will lose their jobs, homes, and not be able to afford food. I'm scared to know how this US will recover in the next 5 years, but from what I'm sensing, this is something that will take years to bounce back from. As long as the virus rages in this country, there is no light at the end of the tunnel. It will take a serious effort from everyone to stop the virus before we can return to some degree of normalcy. 

Every night I watch the news, I can't help but think how this administration has resurfaced some deep racists. Racism is unacceptable. That statement has no political party affiliation. I feel like racism has never been so imminent and forefront of a problem since I've been alive, and I'm glad some of the dark truths about the injustices in this country are surfacing. Nonetheless, to see people mowing down peaceful protests on TV and to see the national guard disbanded upon our own citizens is disgusting. These are not the ways social injustices should resurface, though history has shown it is unambiguous acts of violence such as those that ignite peaceful conversations. It's a shame and a disgrace to call myself an American at this point in history. America was built by immigrants and people of color and for these groups to experience continued ostracization in this country is shocking.

Every night I watch the news, I try to remain hopeful that all these crises toppled on each other will bring forth change. There is a lot going on in this country and around the world right now. This new decade surely hasn't hit us smoothly but I'm optimistic that this epoch of grief is where monumental change, governmental, business, social, can bud. 

 

The thing I just don't forget

I've been moved time and time again by The Help.  I first encountered this book on Amazon Charts a few years ago. Though lengthy, every chapter drew me in and the emotional connection I developed with the main characters made sad scenes heart-wrenching. It's one of the few books I've read and cried to.

Several years and a new house later, I'd been arranging my bookshelf and "shelf of favorites" when I found The Help again. Time has taken away a precise recollection of the plot but it hasn't robbed me of all the emotions this book induced within me. Reallocating that book onto my shelf of favorites elicited a wow moment. I knew I was holding something dear to me, but I couldn't pinpoint what about the story had made it so spectacular. Even though I had read The Help way back in 7th grade, I did remember clearly how it made me feel.

I think that's what makes emotion so inspiring, potent, and soberizing. Emotion is one of those things I just don't forget. Even if I forgot what something was about, what someone said, or what someone did or gave me, I remember how it or he or she or they made me feel. And that feeling can bring back nostalgia, tears, or happiness sporadically. Sometimes it even feels unwarranted but what my heart is trying to tell me is that something touched me and it's time to reexamine that moment. 

I'm not one to talk about my emotions. In fact, I try to strip as much emotion down to its core as possible. That's something that changed in me from middle school to high school and I think it can be spotted with a keen eye in my blog posts over the years. I've grown less emotional, less prone to inspiration, more numerical, and I'm at the age in my life where I'm beginning to see the flaws in this world. It's no longer rainbows and unicorns, this country is messy. This world is messy. And that's something emotion disabled my middle school self to discern. 

Last night, I watched The Help on Netflix. Reconnecting with the plot brought back that wow moment. As scenes passed by, I remembered exactly how I felt at those moments and it was rewarding to relive those emotions through seeing it on screen. The second time, it hit harder. I'm uncertain if the reason I found myself crying throughout the movie was because of the emotional connections developed with the characters or because I apprehended how disconnected I've grown towards reliving past emotions over the years. 

Have enough courage

"Have enough courage to trust love one more time and always one more time" -Maya Angelou

The Color Purple by Alice Walker

It's been a dreary, hot, and humid kind of day for the past week. Every morning when I step out for my run, I instantly feel wrapped in suffocatingly wet weather. 

So I've spent some time reading The Color Purple which arrived at my doorstep earlier this week. Walker truly plays with the power of literature here, telling the story of two African-American sisters, separated in their teens, for 40 decades through letters written in correspondence to each other during those years. I choose this book as my next read in the first place mostly because I saw the special place it holds in classic American literature. It definitely touched upon some of the most pressing social issues, even though it was written in 1982 and takes place in the early 1900s. 

The protagonist, Celie, is an African-American lesbian woman. As a teenager, her father gave her away to another man for marriage, effectively separating Celie from her sister Nettie and her young children. But Celie never loves her husband, who is referred to as Mr._____. While playing the role of a wife, she meets several important characters who will shape her life over the next 40 years, including Shug Avery, a sexy, stylish blues singer, Mr._____'s son Harpo, and his wife Sofia. 

There are so many powerful themes in The Color Purple. Perhaps one of the strongest themes was that of defying gender roles. While Celie is an obedient wife, who loves children and tending the house, she is abused by Mr.______, who exploits her obedience and voicelessness to punish her for not being the woman he truly loves, Shug Avery. Celie observes Harpo and his new wife Sofia's relationship. As much as Harpo loves Sofia, Sofia acts out of her own will. She refuses to be reduced in power because of her gender, so she defies every one of Harpo's commands. When of the most powerful moments in the book is when Harpo asks Celie how he can get Sofia to act like her. Celie advises him to beat Sofia, just as Mr._____ does to herself. When Sofia confronts Celie about her advice, Celie realizes why she even suggested a beating: she's jealous that she can't be as assertive as Sofia and she realizes what level of inhumanity she's been reduced to as a result of her being obedient. 

I felt several strong themes developing from this early scene, including the power of strong female relationships in fighting oppression and gender role,  sexism, and racism. I think the way Walker chose to 

tell this story made it even more powerful, allowing readers to gain insight into the thoughts of the Celie and Nettie. While probably not my favorite book of all time, The Color Purple addresses so many key, overlooked, and difficult-to-address issues in society. It's one of those books whose narration and characters just move you as you read. 

Perhaps my favorite quote from the book:

“It make a lot [of difference], say Squeak. When I was Mary Agnes I could sing in public."

Cats and moving

We're done moving!

As our family begins adjusting to our new home, I think one of the most interesting aspects of the entirety of this process is how my cats have been coping with the changes. I used to like cats quite a bit when I was younger. Now that I'm older, I see taking care of them as more of a nuisance than joy. But when I opened their carriers the night we moved and saw them reluctant to crawl out, paralyzed with a fear that seemed to freeze their joints, I began to soften. 

I have two cats. One of them will be 20 years old this fall and the only time she moved was 20 years ago at the age of 8 weeks old. I consider her a very intelligent creature, as she always finds ways to outsmart humans regarding her bathroom habits. The younger cat is 10 years old and he's always been less agile both physically and mentally. He was already 6 months old when we first brought him home from the breeder, so his major move was just 9.5 years ago. It was interesting to see how quickly they were able to adjust to the new place, which is both roomier and has a more complex layout. 

The first night, they slept in my parents' bedroom in their carriers, grasping to the last strand of the life they once had. The first morning was difficult too. We had to lock them in the bathroom as the movers finished up unloading the furniture. None of them felt comfortable walking through the house without a human companion, even our intelligent 20-year-old lady. It was interesting to see how they surveyed every room, wandering in and out of every closet, smelling every corner of every room. 

I believe two things confused both of them. Firstly, the staircase. Our old house has a straight staircase that went straight up from one floor to the next. This house has a curved staircase and I unexpectedly witnessed my younger cat slip on the turning stair. Secondly, there are two ways to enter the kitchen, through the dining room and through a hallway parallel to the dining room. Both cats were very confused by this layout, especially since there's a swinging door that separates the entrance from the dining room. One of the funniest moments was when I saw my younger cat (the not so bright one :)) staring at me in the dining room through the door to the kitchen. He seemed to think that entering the kitchen was a one-way rotary where you entered through the hallway and exited through the dining room. And he wouldn't budge when I tried to direct him the other way! It took him a couple days to adjust to this layout. 

We've been in this house for four days now and our 20-year-old cat is living her best life. It's evident that she's completely comfortable in the new space. She eats without fear and has no problem coming down the stairs and navigating the house. We even took her outside onto the porch last night and she didn't appear threatened by the new space at all. But the other guy is living a different tale. He barely eats and always sits on the side of the jacuzzi, squeezed between the tub itself and the wall. 

What a spectacle it is to watch these two cats. I think the higher level of intelligence displayed by my older cat has served her well in adjusting. She's needed less time and knows that as long as her owners are here, everything is safe. My younger cat, on the other hand, still believes something will poach him as he eats, which is causing him to turn his head around in fright after every single bite. It's been a joy to supervise these two over the last couple of days. And perhaps there is some joy in having pets, particularly when you realize that they really do trust you as their owner :) Happy 4th of July Weekend. 

Staying on a carpet they recognize Day 1

Moving

This upcoming week, my family will be relocating. We're staying in the Greater Boston metropolitan area though, so it won't be a massive difference in terms of location. 

As the days creep closer to move out day, I'm starting to feel a little nostalgic. I didn't expect to feel this way. I've been wanting to move a while, thinking a little change is always good. I've never moved before and I'm going to be 18 this year. The fact that I've never lived elsewhere, or will I probably ever live in a single house for as long as I have in this one, comes as a bit of a shock. 

I also think about the running and walking routes I've established throughout my town over the years. I know these routes by heart and by mileage. I always know where I'm going and I can speak with confidence that I can navigate most areas of town easily. But this will take a while to become accustomed to in our new town. It's a lot larger first of all, and secondly, I've never really spent a significant portion of time in that part of Massachusetts. I'm excited though. Walking through the neighborhood, I've begun to map out where everything is, how the streets are connected, and how I can get most easily from place to place. 

I've never been deeply connected to my current town, but even then, I'm familiar with it. The mere comfort I feel walking through town, knowing exactly where every store is, and exactly what every store sells is beautiful in itself. Yet when I think about all I don't know about my new town, I suppose there's an adventure around every corner. 

Finally, it's the way I know my own house. It's a familiarity I will have to relocate. At night, I don't need a light and I find the door from my bed. I can locate how close my bed is to the window even in the dark.

Nonetheless, I'm excited for some change. This is a pivotal moment in our lives for so many reasons. On top of what's happening in the world and in my family, I'm also a rising senior. It's like a wave of things just hitting at once but resuming peace once the wave passes. We're at the top of that wave right now. 

One of the hardest realizations

One of the hardest realizations I've come to accept lately is that a "before" and "after" of COVID-19 will be apparent. 

This week, I began taking an online course called the Future of the Business World, tailored to the recent happenings globally surrounding the health pandemic. I've completed just my second day of the two-week program and it's become quite apparent that the world of business will change. And beyond business, it seems that life will no longer return to the pre-COVID identical state in any industry. Retail will be different. Will people have to shop virtually? (imagine shopping at Bloomingdales and virtually riding up the elevator and walking around the jean section) It's likely that remote work will become more substantial within the upcoming years, as it's possible for nearly 32% of our current workforce to work from home? I suppose this remote work trend has been taking root for several years already and COVID-19 has merely accelerated its necessity. Touchless pay programs like Apple Pay will likely take on greater usage, as well as automation which builds economic resiliency. What about remote school? How will we have to rethink education so ensure similar or better quality of learning? It's quite staggering to see how middle and elementary students are expected to retain only 70% of their reading gains and just 50% of their mathematical advancements made this past year due to the extended summer and therefore fewer hours spent in school. 

I've been grappling with all these trends we may see within the next couple of years and it's hard to imagine that there really will be a new normal. Restaurants will be operating at a lower capacity. You might not be able to go to sporting events. Sports themselves may change during the season, particularly with contact sports like football. 

What's perhaps most amazing to me is how technologically and societally advanced humans are given our ability to adapt and how helpless we suddenly become during this pandemic. Humans have evidently lost a degree of control during this pandemic, something few things have been able to do. These are clearly unprecedented times. Unprecedented times with a before and an after. Sometimes I imagine I'm in the future remembering the pre-COVID life, how we used to eat indoors at restaurants and be able to see peoples' faces when we passed them on the streets. That would be a drab reality. 

The Grapes of Wrath: one of my favorites of all time

Last week, I finished The Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck. I'm going to be 18 years old this year. I'm going to be graduating high school this year and I just finished a full-year course on US History of which an essential component was the Great Depression of the 1930s. It's about time I took a look at The Grapes of Wrath. 

Agitating. That's how I would describe how many parts of the book made me feel. It angers me how migrants were treated. All they wanted was a little bit of land. A little bit of food. But they were ostracized, deemed "Okies" and insufficient to live a decent life. "And while the Californians wanted many things, accumulation, social success, amusement, luxury, and a curious banking security, the new barbarians wanted only two things–land and food" (233). Steinbeck organizes The Grapes of Wrath in a back-and-forth narration about one family and brief, philosophical interludes. Page 233 is part of that interlude between the narrations of the Joad family. These interludes are what agitated me the most. They have a minimal amount of speech but are deluged with rich descriptions about the western lands, the Dust Bowl, the famine, and most importantly, how Okie families reached out to help each other during their journey west. At first, I was quite confused as to why Steinbeck chose to organize his novel with the disconnected narration and the interludes. I later realized that he chose to "disconnect" the reader from the Joad story with interludes and speak more broadly about issues of inequality because the Joad's are one family that represented hundreds of thousands of other families moving westward. That's what makes The Grapes of Wrath so grand: it simultaneously tells the story of one family while representing the experiences of hundreds of thousands of others who wanted nothing more than a little land and some food for their families. 

Disgusting. Another adjective to describe how I felt at particular parts. What drew the most repulsion from me was when the police officers intentionally planned to wreak havoc in the government camp, which they otherwise couldn't enter. During one of the weekend dances, a man snuck into the camp and tried to cause a riot over choosing a dancing partner, which, as planned drew the police to the gates of the community. I was also very much disgusted by how the police officers treated the migrants, degrading them to anything but human. And this is quite a timely statement, considering the ongoing protests against police brutality in our nation today. As I was reading The  Grapes of Wrath, I couldn't help but think, wow, one hundred years later the system still has not changed. Police brutality isn't new. It's a flaw in our institution that existed even during the Great Depression of the 1930s.

One of the most important themes I took away from The Grapes of Wrath was dignity and insistence upon being treated like a human. The inequality that eroded the 30s society was fueled in part by people's need for basic necessities like food but also by people, who were economically marginally ahead of the majority, and their desire to maintain whatever difference existed. This is why I was touched when the migrants began helping each other. Families would reach out and share what little food they had left and they would travel together to find work. 

I was honestly surprised by the mellow ending Steinbeck chose. I thought the book would end more in a tragic light, similar to Of Mice and Men. But I suppose the Joads – or the migrants, rather – and their desire to preserve whatever decency they may have left allowed some of them to just make it. I will never forget the stress I felt as a reader learning that the Joads were once again on the road to find work. I think in total they must have found around four to five jobs, none of them prolonged or well paying due to the influx of migrants wherever the slightest inkling of labor could be performed for an even smaller sum of wages. "When there was work for a man, ten men fought for it… If that fella'll work for thirty cents, I'll work for twenty-five. If he'll take twenty-five, I'll do it for twenty" (283).  But the Joads never lost their sense of humanity or dignity throughout the book. Even in times of struggle, they maintained what they felt to be the right thing to do. In times of crisis, they epitomized what it means to be human, even when others don't treat you like one. 

This is one of those novels you don't stop thinking about when you're done. Certain scenes are still clear in my head, thanks to Steinbeck's vivid descriptions, and I can still almost feel the emotions of the characters in particularly dire situations. I rarely read a book and think wow as I'm reading it. Every chapter in The Grapes of Wrath simply had so much content and so much to absorb both intellectually and emotionally. As Penguin Classics wrote: "perhaps the most American of American classics". 

The next chapter of your life

"You cannot start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one" -Michael McMillan

Farewell to 2020

Farewell to the class of 2020. Yesterday, they officially graduated from Andover. 

I've written about this before but it's odd to me how high school brings youth from every corner onto one campus for four years. During probably the four most formative years of our lives, we grow tight-knit even as the grades above and below us form their own generalizations about the character of our class. People in the class form friendships and alliances with each other and some even go so far as to declare a serious relationship. For four years. Four years of strenuous learning, development, and growth later, a class parts from the steps of Samuel Phillips Hall. Clusters of people will end up going to universities in close proximity geographically and others will permanently end ties by virtue of career and location. Nonetheless, it intrigues me how Andover becomes the commonality between people who continue a brewing friendship and those who never see each other again. It's as if we all have something to hold onto that brings us back to 180 Main St.

Granted that we return to campus in the fall, my class will become the senior class. Though crazy to think about now, every year is just part of a cycle. It's a cycle that doesn't stop, with a new graduating class every single year. So it shouldn't come as a surprise that eventually 2021 will be the graduating class in that cycle. Being the oldest people on campus will be odd too. I've noticed how the seniors typically live in their own little bubble. It seems that after college apps, which take up the better part of the fall and winter, people are so "out of it" that it's hard to regain their footing and keep doing Andover. 

I'm excited for the class of 2020, though I was never able to fully say goodbye or congratulate my friends in that class. I hope these amends can be made in the near future. 

2020, a year of reminders.

I have finals this upcoming week. My final final for my junior year of high school. After my final final, I will proceed to enjoy the last summer before my last year of high school. Time has passed quickly and so many pages of history have been rewritten for this year. My condolences are with the class of 2020, who have worked so hard throughout these past four years but have had a virtual graduation rather than one in person. 

But it would be tone-deaf to merely write about the academic world. Someone on the news last night from South Boston said that "2020 hasn't been too great for anyone." And I totally agree with that statement. It doesn't matter whether one is a student, an adult, or an elderly: our lives have been fundamentally altered. With 1 in 4 American workers out of a job, not only are recreational activities uprooted. Some people are struggling to put food on the table. Some want to go to work but cannot. Some can't go to work because schools aren't open. 

A deluge of problems seems to be arising in this country, COVID-19 and the protests over the murder of George Floyd this past week are two of the most substantial. I don't like to be political publicly, but the start of 2020 hasn't been looking too great for the United States on both an economic and social front. The protests over the murder of George Floyd have grown very violent over the past couple of nights. The administration hasn't helped in putting out the fires, with the president actually threatening to use violence against rioters. Stores have been looted and people continue to gather in the evenings in various major cities like New York, Minneapolis, LA, etc. throughout the country to protest. I'm wary of these protests, as they've even made their way into Boston. 

I don't know where I stand on this issue. Last night, the Minnesota governor activated the National Guard to quell the protests and keep people safe, something that has never been done before. I see why people are angry and why they have a right to keep protesting. One conscious person in this country cannot deny that history seems to keep relentlessly repeating itself and this country, no matter how hard it tries and no matter how many people die under police brutality, can't seem to shed itself of its racist past. The murder of George Floyd seems to have shaken this nation differently and people are violently mobilizing in ways we haven't seen in a long time in this country's history. These are the types of riots that will make the history books. They're the type of riots from which real change can emerge. 

Yet I am a pacifist. I don't enjoy seeing violence. People have been injured in these riots and people's lives are put at risk during these loots. Furthermore, the destruction that arises from these loots and riots is very great. For some people, the store they own on the corner lot is all they've got. Their family relies on this store to be open and it relies on this store to feed the family. But the protests have caused stores to unnecessarily close (yes, even in the midst of the COVID-19 pandemic) and have resulted in sustained damages. Police stations have been burned and civic establishments, which have taken generations to establish, are now being burned to rubble. Is this really productive? The economic implications and dangers of these protests are beyond measurable. 

 

NASA and SpaceX also launched the first commercial spacecraft to the International Space Station, a feat that had yet to be accomplished. I watched the launch yesterday afternoon and it filled me with some satisfaction in our country's technological advancements and the changing landscapes of space exploration. 

This is really not how I could have imagined ending my junior year of high school. We've got a global pandemic, quarantine, riots, and a new rocket built partially by a private company at the International Space Station. Someone on Instagram made a post that said something to the effect of, I feel bad for the people learning 2020 history; it's a pretty hefty chapter. Perhaps it's not something to feel bad about. I think these events are part of the cycle of human experiences. They are a reminder that we are still human. It's a reminder that we are not invincible, as there are still diseases that we can't cure. It's a reminder that when people are angry and when the system we established to rule isn't being equitable, people will riot and express this anger. It's a reminder that if we put all of our brains together and unite our knowledge, we really can send people into space. 2020, a year of reminders.

Happy summer (whatever that means) :)

Things I love lately

I haven’t written one of these in a long time and I’ve spent a considerable amount of time in quarantine, thinking about life, stressing about the uncontrollable, and spending as much time as I can taking care of myself. 

Time has taken on a different phenomenon during these last three (almost four) months in quarantine. Days have grown increasingly longer. Time passes like a thick lotion filling a thin spouted flask. But the weeks have gone by like grains of sand falling through that same flask. Nonetheless, with these long days and short weeks, I’ve spent some time doing things I otherwise would not have the time for. 

Coursera.org. This has truly been a joy for me during the last couple of months. Coursera was founded by a Stanford professor years back and provides a platform for college courses online. There are courses in literally every imaginable field. I’ve found classes ranging from standard to specialization courses. I am particularly fond of taking online business/economic courses, which I find have substantially expanded my knowledge base in an area in which I already had developed an interest. But what I love more about Coursera is how it’s helped me expand my own interests. I’ve found courses on topics I never even knew people studied in such depth, such as war, game theory, and political morality. I think this platform has kindled my curiosity switch in a way I hadn’t felt before about coursework. 

Podcasts. I run every morning on the treadmill for about an hour. It gives me a natural kick and honestly isn’t as painful as running in the afternoon (maybe because I’m still a little groggy in the morning?). While running, I always listen to music at some point. But other days, if a new episode of a podcast comes out, I’ll give it a listen. Most podcast stations come out with around two new episodes every week, which gives me something to listen to on some days but all seven. I’ve generally been a pretty consistent Planet Money and WSJ Future of Everything listener. Lately, I’ve gotten into Freakonomics Radio, though their episodes are usually an hour-long so they only produce one a week. Podcasts have been really helpful in keeping up with the current economic situation and coronavirus pandemic. There’s a ton of news about the virus, US-China tensions, etc. on the news every day and I find it difficult to scout the best articles to read. I think podcasts summarize numerous sentiments in one neat, well-organized structure. An essential these days. 

ASMR Youtube Videos? These are no-talking videos that compile natural sounds that are super satisfying to listen to. I’m not sure how I first stumbled across these videos. I believe one with soap carving showed up on my feed one day and now I sometimes play ASMR as background noise. They induce relaxation and if you’re still not sure how they make you feel, it’s the opposite of how nails running down chalkboard makes you cringe :). I can’t say I’ve always been sensitive to sound. I have fairly sharp ears but I never honed my listening on such passing sounds, such as cutting soap, squeezing shampoo out of a fresh bottle, or tapping fingernails on a phone screen. Quite a way to relax!

Quarantine has been a time of lockdown undoubtedly. But it’s also been a time of discovery and rediscovery, just as there are two sides to everything. I hope you all are staying safe!