A post of thanks

I spent my Thanksgiving on a sailboat down in Florida. I was down in Key West for most of this past week, so I was unable to blog, but as I say every year, gratitude should be given constantly. So, here I go, a few days late, a little bit tired from the late night flight, but still grateful. 

I’m eternally grateful for my parents. They drive up to school each weekend, not just to see me, but to help me with subjects I’m struggling with. I’m grateful for them staying up until I go to bed, explaining physics to me. For allowing me to vent my anger out, even when they have nothing to do with whatever’s upsetting me. For putting my happiness and my wants above their needs. For trying to put my failures and setbacks into perspectives, and for pushing me to be better every single day. Thank you thank you thank you.

I’m grateful for my best friend at school. I haven’t had a “best friend” in a while, but I can confidently say that my best friend at school brings me the greatest laughs each day. We have a compatible companionship (yes we even brush our teeth together) and she helps me in school work. I suppose our personalities and organization are polar opposites and I don’t know how we became friends but what I’ve found is that my best friend fills in the gaps where I’m lacking. Whatever it is about us two, I wouldn’t change a thing. 

I’m grateful for my math teacher for being a teacher beyond math. He’s a writer, he would make a great comedian, and he gives his students individually tailored advice. 

I’m grateful for my teachers, for all the people I’ve toured at school who’ve cheered up my Thursdays, and for all the Starbucks I’ve had. 

“Give thanks not just on Thanksgiving day but every day of your life. Appreciate and never take for granted all that you have” -Caroline Pulsifer

That's why I didn't title this post "Thanksgiving".  This post is really just "A Post of Thanks" and I should write more of these posts throughout the year.

Gene editing

I have recently gotten into listening to WSJ’s Future of Everything podcast. WSJ has many different podcasts including Tech News Briefing, Secrets of Wealthy Women, and What’s News. The Future of Everything focuses on technological innovations, and really, imagining what our future may look like. 

I have this habit, not necessarily a bad one, of listening to podcast after podcast on the elliptical. This week, I found one particular one I’d like to highlight called Customized Kids: Are designer babies on the way? Its title pretty much encapsulates the essence of this episode about genetic engineering. 

Genetic engineering was originally designed as a bulwark against congenital diseases such as diabetes and cystic fibrosis. What’s happened is that scientists discovered ways to manipulate genes that can also control physical appearances such as eye color and gender. Many questions of ethics arise from genetic engineering. 

Dr. Jeffrey Steinberg, the founder of Fertility Institutes explains that when would-be parents come into his office and request for a baby that has a particular eye color or a particular hair color, he will scan both parents to find possible combinations of genes that would lead them to not have a baby with those traits. If the desired trait the would-be parents would like to have is possible to have, then hormones are given to a woman that causes her to release around 10-14 eggs. These are fertilized and then scientists will go through and pick the embryo that possesses the desired trait. 

After listening to this podcast, and more importantly, to both sides of the issue, I’m still on the fence. There was a man with type 1 diabetes who was interviewed for the episode. He was against the idea of genetic engineering, saying that if his parents had the technology 20 years ago to pick the fittest and healthiest embryo, he would not exist today. It troubles me to think of the truth in his statement. The implications of genetic engineering would give way and allow for a “perfect” society and in a way, us humans would be defying the laws of mother nature. And then there are questions of privilege. Genetic engineering, whether to prevent diseases or for cosmetic purposes, is expensive and would lend itself to privilege. Is it ethical that some people have access to these benefits while others don’t?

Conversely, what’s interesting is that China has been trying to find genes that cause intelligence. For several years now, they have been analyzing hundreds of people with high IQ’s, in attempts to find common traits. Hypothetically, China would be able to change the base or average intelligence of its entire population, and in theory, regardless of whether someone was an executive or homeless, these people would be more intelligent than people from other countries. There are clear benefits to gene editing, but I believe what China is trying to do is raise the base level of intelligence. 

I believe gene editing is effective when it is applied to an entire population. For example, when an entire population’s intelligence is raised, or when an entire population is exempt from sickle-cell anemia or another congenital disease. In a way, we would still be defying mother nature. But then there’s the other side of the case with gene editing for cosmetic traits. Is it ethical to edit a baby’s features, or as the podcast calls it, “customize” them? I have a feeling this would perpetuate racial stereotypes and bias. While there are clear benefits when genetic engineering is applied to rid of life-threatening diseases, once the technology is released, it will be difficult to restrict customers from using gene editing to acquire particular cosmetic traits in their children. While gene editing certainly has its benefits, there are questions of ethics we must consider as a society. How far will we allow gene editing to go? What is a valid reason to select one embryo over another? Can any would-be parents do gene testing or only couples with predisposed diseases? It’s a topic that’s been on my mind recently, and as of now, I’m still unsure of where I stand on the matter. 

Those Days When We're Just Not Feeling It

Everyone has days where they’re down, or simply not feeling it. When this happens, our attitudes, our outlooks on life’s possibilities, and most importantly our happiness is skewed.

I wish everyday could be happy. I wish I could feel my best everyday, but never in anyone’s life will that ever happen. When I was five, I became mad over who got the last cookie in class, or who was the line leader in 4th grade. Now I become mad when I don’t perform well on a test or when I miss a workout. I believe there’s always going to be something that upsets us, and this is proportional to our age. For example, by the time I’m an adult, I may become disappointed with my performance in an interview which leads me to not get the job I want. There are so many possible outcomes in life which makes it difficult to pinpoint what triggers us. All I know is that things that trigger us are continuously going to change. 

This brings me back to what one of my house counselors told me, that one day, your world just expands and things that used to matter no longer do. It simply like now I don’t care who has the last cookie in the tray, or who’s the first to enter the classroom, or who’s the first to leave the classroom in the line. Things that used to matter to my 5-year-old self no longer do, and perhaps that’s the first signifier that yes, my world is expanding. I envision that in 20 years, that one physics test I bombed isn’t going to matter, even though it does today. Our worlds are expanding, and before we find what truly matters, the grass will always be greener on the other side.

That being said, I’m not always perfect. There are going to be days when I do things and when I say things that I otherwise wouldn’t do. I’m happy to say this usually only happens on my down days or on those days where I’m “just out of it”. In middle school, I worked on an art for social change project about empathy. I think it’s especially important in those times for me to be able to find my circle of people who will empathize and understand my exceptional, seemingly out-of-the-blue behavior that’s really a manifestation of an inner struggle. I suppose this week has a lot to do with that empathy project I worked on in middle school. Empathy is being with a person when they’re struggling. Empathy is understanding that on a blue day, a person will probably not be themselves and to be okay with that. Empathy. There it is again, a word I used to just say meaninglessly thinking I understood what it meant. Now I do. 

Focus on what's in my control

This weekend I hit my all time low of the term.

I took a physics test two weeks ago, and scored above average however, my teacher gives everyone retakes regardless of the initial score because the new score replaces the original. I decided to take my chances with the retake. I scored 15 points lower. 

For the past weekend, I’ve cried myself to sleep every night because of that one score. A couple of my classes are on the verge of where I want to be and this past retake test pulled my physics grade down. Though I have two more weeks and multiple exams in most subjects to improve upon, I feel a lot of pressure and I think I’m struggling to come to terms with myself. This morning, playing tennis was extremely difficult. I couldn’t concentrate and I seemed to be framing shots that I wouldn’t otherwise miss. My head was in another space. I couldn’t stop thinking about the work I needed to do and how little sleep I would be getting these upcoming two weeks. 

Why? Why am I overthinking all of this? On Friday night I was conferencing with my math teacher, and he told me I’m overthinking everything. He can tell my head is always in two places at once. Until Friday night, I’d never considered that possibility. Could I really be overthinking everything? I think I am. Instead of finding topics to solidify, I’m too busy preparing myself for a bad grade. Instead of focusing on playing tennis, I’m thinking about what I need to do for physics review. Instead of doing physics homework thoughtfully, I’m too concerned about how quickly I can complete it. Even as I’m blogging, I’m thinking about all the secondary sources I need to go through to write a successful history essay. Simply put, my math teacher says I’m setting expectations much too high for myself, and at this point, I’m in a rugged competition against myself. Coming to terms with myself and my limitations as a human will be my goal for the rest of this term. 

I would like to recenter myself through writing this post. Writing my feelings and thoughts out has pretty consistently been my second favorite ways to recuperate after exercising. Here I go. I’d like to ask myself what is an education? Why am I struggling? How can I improve? When I reconsidered why I’ve been so stressed and a sad this weekend, I said it’s because of that one test. Is that really it? I’ve written about resilience in the past. Is this at all demonstrating my understanding of resilience? I have two more weeks of school, and only one more week of classes. I suppose the most resilient thing I can do right now is to push through and focus on what’s in my control.