The Brightness in the Darkness of Everything

I’ve talked about things that fly around in my head when my mind is not occupied with school, community or duties. It is in these moments that I tell myself to take a deep breath and reflect on myself. This is my moment. My moment to see my myself. A moment where I

from my flickr account1

am self-full, not selfless. This may sound selfish, but trust me, we all need it once in awhile. When we’re down. When we’re lonely. When we feel lost and confused and the ocean waves seem only to be pushing you to shore. So I’ve composed a poem which I think illustrates the light in dark situations.

The Brightness in the Darkness of Everything

Ava Long

You know, people say,

“The grass is always greener on the other side”

I think this well reputed maxim

Is quite

E–X–A–G–E–R–A–T–E–D.

…because what if there was no “other side”?

So in reality,

We must learn to make the most

Of what we are given.

If we are short,

It would be wise to wear stilettos.

If we fail our next assessment,

It would be wise to comprehend

that we learned something.

If we are simply too t––––i––––r–––––e–––––d

To get out of bed,

Because life

Is too vapid,

It would be wise

to challenge ourselves.

If we feel the W

O

   R

      L

        D

Is ENDING,

And we can’t do anything well

With what we are given,

Have faith

That there is a

Brightness in the darkness of everything

And this startles me: One summer

One summer is three months long. School begins in September and ends on the first week of June. Summer vacation is only 3 out of the 12 months in a year. Yet much has evolved. Much has changed. On the first day of the school this September, I noticed this evolution. Some marked greater than others. Others were more subtle and internal, while other changes were physical and external. But almost everything, everyone came back different. And this startles me.

It’s only a three month difference, but now my class is the eighth grade. In eighth grade, teachers tell the students, “You’re the eighth grade now. Be good role models to the seventh grade. You guys are the big kids now and we hold more expectation of you. You are the leaders of this campus.” In reality, it’s only been a three month difference: June to September. Yet when I return, I’m the “big kid” and “I hold more responsibility as an eighth grader.” My heart has merely been pumping for an extra three months. I am only three months older. But when I return to school, the new loadful of responsibilities that are handed to my class make our three month aging, seem much older. And this startles me.

Style evolution occurs each year. I don’t know what it will be this year, but I know last year, it was the “romper” outfits for girls. We leave the campus in June, wearing whatever the latest trends are. Over the summer, some clothing companies or fashion houses develop a new kind of outfit. This outfit spreads until it is prevalent in almost every store. Then kids by these new clothes, returning in September with new mindsets, new hearts and totally evolved fashion. It’s only been three months since I last saw them, yet the dramatic, vagarious, and sometimes abrupt fashion trends that emerge from what seems like the middle of nowhere, make three months no-see seem like long time no-see. And this startles me.

Departing Question: What startles you?

The Power of Community

These past few days of school have improved since my post about breathing (post here). My participation in English class has increased since we started reading the well-known To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee and one of my goals this year is to contribute, pose and answer provocative and discussion pushing questions.

Last week I also wrote about my struggles in math class. But this week, math couldn’t have flowed more smoothly. It’s a class where discussion, collaboration and cooperation is encouraged, in fact, mandatory. The other day (Tuesday if I remember correctly), we were tackling some difficult literal equations. Challenged in class with the isolation and the plugging in to check the equation in the end, it wasn’t until I was  given around 10 minutes in class to start my homework that I began to incorporate the few concepts I had grasped in class. Our teacher offered us the choice to chose small, selective groups of people to work along. I decided to work with three other boys. To be frank, all four of us appeared somewhat overwhelmed after the fast-paced explanation prior in class. What amazed me was the power we created when we worked together. I frequently rave about synergy, yet this instance reminded me of the even stronger force that can be created when we work together as a community. Community, defined as when you feel a part of a societal group, when you feel important, needed, and welcomed. As a result, our group completed seven of the ten literal equation problems in a matter of 10-ish minutes, just because we had cooperated with each other, learned from each other, supported each other, and made each other feel like we belong. That feeling, that feeling. It stuck with me throughout the week and I’m sure it will continue to adhere. I feel a…brightness, almost. A sense of being appreciated. And I think the world needs that more of that sense…that pleasure. Dale Carnegie once said the one thing all humans covet, no matter social status or income levels, is the desire to be important.

What it feels like to be a part of something…something important. What it feels like to be welcomed. To be comfortable voicing your opinions. To be a part of a community, a second family. I’m almost positive I experienced that feeling this past Tuesday. The people you’re surrounded with help you achieve your life goals. You learn. You grow. You fail. And you learn again. I suppose this third week of school has taught me this; the importance of community and the life-long effect of how we welcome each other.

What flies around my head like bugs

It’s quite impossible for me to eschew my perpetually turning mind. Thoughts, reflections, ideas, rebuttals, and dreams are always buzzing around in my head like little bugs. They turn corners, they open doors. They bring in light. What flies in my head like bugs also teaches me and helps me build some of my morals in life. Yet when I daydream, they’re also to blame. When I’m caught frustrated with life, they may be the culprit. I like to think of them as the little workers in my brain. They can be the messengers of the ideas that need to be transmitted from imagination to reality and they almost guide me, like little voices in my head, talking to me throughout the day. My brain is too assailable, it can only listen to the commands. What flies around my head like bugs, are more than bugs: they control, they construct, they learn, they develop, they destroy and they forget. I’m thoroughly amazed.

With Every Breath

I need to tell this to myself more often than not, but to breathe, breathe, breathe. I am prone to being extremely hyper [like on the bus after sports when I feel like falling asleep], and being excessively quiet [due to spacing off, lethargy, fatigue, or stress].

Yesterday seemed just like another day when I needed to breath more. Coming home from school, I felt like a load of things in my life had gone wrong. The problems in math class were challenging, and few people could solve them. I don’t think math was ever quite as challenging, especially on the first week of school. My english class felt extremely overwhelming and off, not…like myself. English is typically one of my favorite classes, and the one I note as most vocalized and communicative. Yet my first full week back at school has followed proved none of these typicalities.

Returning home from school early for an orthodontist appointment, I felt rushed and pressed for time to finish my homework. I wanted to be alone for a while. But with the issues of the school day still buzzing around like bugs in my head, I felt daunted, disappointed, and unfortunately unsuccessful.
I was climbing the stairs to the third floor of my house, where my study is situated. My breath was jagged and devoid of any signs of rhythm. My heart was racing. And suddenly, I couldn’t help myself from considering all the things that had gone wrong today. My braces were bothered me. My head felt overwhelmed with self-denigrating thoughts failing eighth

Climbing up the stairs to my third floor

grade, even though math class had just proven challenging (which I love!) and english was hard to participate in. My head hurt. I didn’t get to go on a run. I had loads of homework and in that moment, I truly just wanted to give up. Really. Honestly. Sincerely. I just wanted to give up. I kept repeating this to myself, when I stopped myself. Why? Why give up when you could eventually taste the satisfaction of climbing over your obstacles? I thought: don’t you love challenges, Ava? This isn’t very characteristic of you…This only made my breath exacerbate, becoming more rugged from frustration. But then I stopped climbing the stairs. I focused on my breath for just one second. I noticed it beat rapidly without insouciance, lacking character. This recognition allowed to me to channel my thoughts and thoroughly reflect on everything that had gone wrong today. My breath showed how I was clearly confused. Evidently stressed. Irrefutably rapid. Yet just stopping to think, to observe, this wonderful, life-promoting human phenomenon, I began to realize: I’m invited to renew myself over 23,000 times per day, and this, is only affordable with every breath.

Arguments: what they bring and how to avoid them

Currently, I’ve been reading How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. I’m reading a chapter called How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking. What does this mean for you? Carnegie does a fantastic job of illustrating a universal skill which works to your advantage when you’re trying to influence others, and that is to avoid arguments.

There are many ways in which we can avoid arguments, but “avoiding” them does not mean we should never disagree. In fact, I believe disagreeing should be welcomed more! Arguing happens when we don’t listen to each other, when don’t consider each other, and after a while, it perpetually continues just for the sake of our pride and self-esteem. So here’s how we avoid arguments. Some of these tips are more a mental practice and others are more external.

Don’t argue, because you’re not going to win. Have you ever started out disagreeing, and then experience your disagreement escalade into a huge mess; an argument? I certainly have. But once your little disagreement turns into an argument, sometimes we argue not for the sake of proving ourselves right…we argue to defend our self-esteem. I have also felt similarly.

In fifth grade, I was in a class with another girl, who shall be known as XYZ. We weren’t the greatest of friends. I was merely acquainted to her through one of my best friends in that same homeroom. Yet XYZ and I had much in common: we both enjoyed drawing, math and music. One day, our teacher announced that some supplies in our classroom was missing. I knew XYZ was an artist and I had seen her, with my own eyes, put classroom supplies into her own pencil case by accident. I talked to her that very day and told her that I thought she should check her pencil case. She denied it of course. I asked her politely again. You know the answer. And finally, after much convincing, she took her pencil case out, and found some of the supplies. Embarrassed, she returned the crayons and markers. Then, during recess, somehow we got into this huge argument. She began to pick out every single awry or errant detail in my conduct. Annoyed, I kept telling her I was fine, that I wasn’t bad. And as predicted, this friendship didn’t turn out the strongest. I may have “won” the first argument about the supplies, which bought me a slight elevation in my self-esteem. But in the end, I learned I hadn’t won any self-esteem: I had just lost a friendship with someone who challenged it.

Try to view the disagreement from the other person’s perspective. This is pretty self-explanatory, but give a day, maybe sleep on it. When you take sometime just to distance yourself from the argument and the person you’re arguing with, you are more likely to see why they feel the way they do. Carnegie mentions in his book that average people are correct only about 55% of the time. Assuming this percentage is accurate, I don’t think any person in the present, future, or past has the right to completely disregard another person’s opinion, because chances are, they are also 55% of the times correct.

Admit you’re wrong…and do it sincerely. Again, I’m picking on the word “self-esteem.” When someone covets self-esteem and you admit you did something wrong quickly and genuinely, they will often times try to elevate their esteem by defending you! It’s weird, but often times it builds stronger friendships. And come on, who’s going to criticize and argue with you if you say “I’m sorry. It was wrong of me to do x, y and z etc.”? But on the argumental perspective, this is a powerful skill, to be able to admit you’re wrong, because often times it will symbolize to the other person that it is a safe environment. They are more likely to forgive you and admit they may have been wrong in areas as well, after all, we’re only 55% of the times correct!

In seventh grade, I remember working on a history project with my partner who was adamant and obdurate against memorizing the note cards for our presentation the following week. He swore he wouldn’t do it, saying he would add stuff onto what we said during the presentation and manipulate all the computer related things. I disagreed with that. I began to show anger towards my classmate. I was truly very irritated by his lack of motivation for getting a good grade. But that night, I felt guilty and vowed to apologize. I’ve shared this story before, but I must repeat, after I apologized, he admitted that he may have been wrong as well, and memorized the note cards. In fact, he probably wouldn’t have consented to memorize the cards if it hadn’t been for my genuine apology, and appreciation for a second chance to rectify my mistake of being critical, but also, just the fact that I opened up and admitted that I was wrong, showed this kid that it was safe for him to admit his mistakes as well.

Departing question: What tricks do you use to avoid arguments?

First Impressions

You can only make a first impression once. I’ve always known that. Yet today, I became more sentient of yet another fact which correlates to this “first impression” idea.

I just thought this picture and quote kind of illustrated my point well!

The eighth grade took a field trip to Boda Borg today. One of Boda Borg’s missions is to subtly portray for us the power of teamwork. How is this done? Quests. Which are close to impossible to complete without another two to three people. Players walk through a door, which is either green [mental challenge], red [mental/physical challenge], or black [very physical quest] door, with no instruction. All you see before you once the lights from the hallways dim with the closing of the door, are props, glass, ropes, chains, lights, tiles, red paint etc. Pretty much anything out of the ordinary. Your job as the quester is to solve the challenge. If you do, you level up and go into a connecting room. Quite an enjoyable, challenging way to spend the majority of the day.

Yet what really reminded me of the “first impressions” was before the bus ride to Boda Borg. One of the teachers in my grade, whose name shall not be mentioned, but we shall refer to him as Mr. X, came onto the bus. He reminded us “that we represented BB&N, we represented our motto: honor, scholarship and kindness. Therefore, we should remember these values everywhere we go today, because our actions reflect and impact those who are coming to BB&N, those who are part of this community, and those who have graduated or moved on.” Those words struck me. I had never paid much heed to that thought…our actions reflect even those who had graduated or moved on from BB&N. Mr. X’s words supplemented an already large audience of people represented, to an even larger number: those who had graduated included. When I first heard these words, I was struck. I felt almost a slight hint of importance…like my actions today impact people beyond those who I interact with daily. And yes, I understand that first impressions don’t always appear the way I will envision them, but when I can control some part of it, I aspire to make them worthy.

Every morning when the sun rises…

Every morning when the sun rises, we are given a new day. Given a new day. We didn’t necessarily earn this day. We were given it as a gift. I believe someone somewhere thought we could do something good for the world…today. And that’s also the reason why

Sunrise in Naples, Florida

we’re given tomorrow. Sometimes, observing the countenance, demeanour and conduct of people, I find we take this for granted.

During this summer, when Massachusetts was in a heat wave, I went swimming nearly every afternoon at our local public swimming pool. I frequently encountered kids I knew from my old public school who still remembered me. I would bring a book and read at the pool, laying on my stomach on my towel. Just for the sake of vexing my peace and serenity in the book, they would come and splash water in my face or talk to me. When they did, something like “you should just go and kill yourself” would always come up in the conversation if the kids didn’t agree or understand what I was saying. I couldn’t apprehend their purpose in saying this just because they thought differently, or just because they couldn’t understand. Did they not realize how precious life was? That someone somewhere gave us this day so we could do something good for the world? I know one thing for sure: telling your frenemy to kill herself sure isn’t making any progress.

Every morning when the sun rises, we have choices to make. These may not be life determining choices. Should I wear red or blue? Should I bring my science binder to school? Or they may be crucial to the success of doing something good for the world, today. Am I going to smile at my foe? Am I going to kind to the homeless people I see on the road? Am I going to let any contagious, negative attitude inflict upon others? Well, I suppose these are all some decisions we’ve got to make as humans everyday.

Last week, I walked to one of my favorite bakeries. It’s small, cozy, homey, and it’s merely over 1 miles distance from my house. Every time I visit this bakery, the same petite, blue-eyed, blonde ladies serves me. She grabs the cookies I want. She puts the frosting I like on my cupcakes. Yet last week, I noticed one thing different about her: she put her hair in two ponytails, instead of in a tight bun on her head. It looked almost more cheerful and youthful. I wanted to comment on it, but somehow, and for a reason I still cannot comprehend, my tongue tied up and no words would come out. And that’s a wrong decision I made that day, not to compliment a person and to show genuine appreciation. But that’s a decision I could have made, to compliment at least three people I saw everyday.

Every morning when the sun rises, we are given second chances to rectify those we’d done wrong before. We shouldn’t hesitate. We shouldn’t hold back. Push our true selves into what we correct and purposefully remember to thank whoever presented that second chance. Sometimes, we’re timid. Other times we’re shy. Sometimes, we don’t want to share. Other times we don’t want to admit our wrongs. But I insist we do, because problems can only precede to a brighter side of the grass as a result.

Last year, I remember working with another group of students on a project in history. It was challenging for sure, and frustrating for all sides of the group. I remember we were discussing one of our topics we were researching in order to prepare for a presentation. One of my groupmates decided to slack off on memorizing facts, just because he didn’t want to have to present in front of the class the following week. It’s a seemingly simple refusion, yet somehow the stress of the project, the pressure of time and the difficulty of managing it all together threw me off. I began to show anger and temper towards that student. When I returned that night to my desk, I realized one thing: that kid wasn’t going to get up off the couch and memorize the facts, especially when I’d just been angry at him. So the following day, during one of our last few class periods to work together, I apologized. I told how I knew I shouldn’t have yelled at him. I told him that I know the project is hard, but we have to work together to make it a successful presentation. I told him this, and he accepted it. In fact, he did more than accept my words. He memorized the facts on the notecards.  

I feel fortunate to know that someone had even considered my words after I’d been angry the previous day. But the only way I was able to send my message to him, was to show genuine appreciation for the second chance I was given to rectify my mistakes.

Every morning when the sun rises, what are you given?

A Visit From Australia: My Aunt and Cousin

Last week, I wrote about family. I mentioned my cousins and aunt who were visiting the States from Australia for the first time. Wow, what a fabulous three days it’s been for everyone.

I have found a fervent love for talking with my aunt. She’s a nurse at a hospital in Melbourne and I love having conversations with her. She advises me about chilling my anxiety. And I admire her for that. She shares and compares me to her two sons. I appreciate her for that. She always willing to answer my questions about university, life, marketing, and being a doctor. I ponder from that. And she gave me tips on growing taller. I laugh from that.

My aunt is truly someone I enjoy being around. I guess we help each other in some way. She often asks me about what I want to be when I grow up and asks me about my perspective on certain issues. She notices that I’m a self pusher, not a kid who needs parent pushing. I am thankful for her endeavoring to abet me in my journey to being less self denigrating. Self denigration only exacerbates when I compare myself to others. Being Asian, I can’t help but notice how many others participate and practice programs such as Stanford Online, the Art of Problem Solving, SAT practice and Russian Math. I have a tendency to feel almost a little less accomplished when I observe what they study. But she told me something, more or less an example than a story, about her experience being under pressure and following the lead of others. My grandparents were very intrigued with the art of technology. My father leads a career in engineering, as did my grandfather. So obviously, my aunt felt some pressure to follow a similar path. She said when she was younger, she felt exposed to technology a few years too early. Feeling uncomfortable and almost a little bit overwhelming, she said that was one of the sole causes for her deliberate distance from technology. You shouldn’t feel peer pressure and let that change your potential interest in a subject, for not everything is love at first sight, she told me. That’s one of the most important things I’ve learned from my past 72 hours.

My cousin, David, I would also nominate one of my greatest friends. He is great to hang out with! I think the key to this kind of success when dealing with me, with people in general, is his endearing asset of being a listener. He listens with his mind, not ears. David and I went biking this morning around Cambridge and he managed to endure my long, sometimes banal and monotonous, explanations of the places we visited. Sometimes he wouldn’t say a word for minutes on end! I seemed like an amaranthine chatterbox, never ceasing, never restless.

Similar to my relationship with his mother, my aunt, I think we help each other. On Friday, we went swimming together, well mostly I did the swimming and he acted as the coach. He is a very competitive swimmer, though he quit right before this trip. His greatest strokes are breaststroke and butterfly. I asked him if he could teach me the butterfly. We worked on it. And we drilled and he gave me several tips.

In retrospect, I think the greatest aspect I have grasped from David is to shut up more than sometimes, and listen. I’m currently reading How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie and one of the greatest principals offered is to be genuinely interested in other people. This is becoming a more congeal topic. It’s appears more blatant in certain situations I experience on a daily basis.

So thank you David. Thank you Auntee. For visiting my family and the States. For bringing me new values to practice.