With Every Breath

I need to tell this to myself more often than not, but to breathe, breathe, breathe. I am prone to being extremely hyper [like on the bus after sports when I feel like falling asleep], and being excessively quiet [due to spacing off, lethargy, fatigue, or stress].

Yesterday seemed just like another day when I needed to breath more. Coming home from school, I felt like a load of things in my life had gone wrong. The problems in math class were challenging, and few people could solve them. I don’t think math was ever quite as challenging, especially on the first week of school. My english class felt extremely overwhelming and off, not…like myself. English is typically one of my favorite classes, and the one I note as most vocalized and communicative. Yet my first full week back at school has followed proved none of these typicalities.

Returning home from school early for an orthodontist appointment, I felt rushed and pressed for time to finish my homework. I wanted to be alone for a while. But with the issues of the school day still buzzing around like bugs in my head, I felt daunted, disappointed, and unfortunately unsuccessful.
I was climbing the stairs to the third floor of my house, where my study is situated. My breath was jagged and devoid of any signs of rhythm. My heart was racing. And suddenly, I couldn’t help myself from considering all the things that had gone wrong today. My braces were bothered me. My head felt overwhelmed with self-denigrating thoughts failing eighth

Climbing up the stairs to my third floor

grade, even though math class had just proven challenging (which I love!) and english was hard to participate in. My head hurt. I didn’t get to go on a run. I had loads of homework and in that moment, I truly just wanted to give up. Really. Honestly. Sincerely. I just wanted to give up. I kept repeating this to myself, when I stopped myself. Why? Why give up when you could eventually taste the satisfaction of climbing over your obstacles? I thought: don’t you love challenges, Ava? This isn’t very characteristic of you…This only made my breath exacerbate, becoming more rugged from frustration. But then I stopped climbing the stairs. I focused on my breath for just one second. I noticed it beat rapidly without insouciance, lacking character. This recognition allowed to me to channel my thoughts and thoroughly reflect on everything that had gone wrong today. My breath showed how I was clearly confused. Evidently stressed. Irrefutably rapid. Yet just stopping to think, to observe, this wonderful, life-promoting human phenomenon, I began to realize: I’m invited to renew myself over 23,000 times per day, and this, is only affordable with every breath.