The Value of a Voice

Yesterday, I went to my weekly piano lesson with my private teacher. I’ve been studying piano with this teacher for about 7 years?…it’s been a while. Now, yesterday in particular was interesting because the first conversation we had was irrelevant to piano and it was more only somewhat relevant to history, which we were talking about since I’m attending a Diversity Conference next week.

Maria Callas. One of the greatest opera singers of all time. My teacher and I were discussing the beauty, the controversy and the brilliance of Callas’s voice. At home, I listened to her most famous opera, Norma Casta Diva and I was astonished by the subtle and dramatic changes Callas was able to produce with her voice alone. It sounded almost as if three people were singing the piece. In addition, I found a wonderful NPR podcast which briefly covers  Maria’s life.

But Maria lost something quite important for any singer at a young age: the brilliance of her voice. Specialists advised her to retire in her forties, which is young for an opera singer. And when I heard my teacher saying this to me, it struck me, as I had never considered what it would be like to lose my voice. Callas could still talk, but singing became quite difficult and strained.

I feel quite fortunate to live in New England where my voice does matter and it is heard. Many places in the world still do not appreciate the voices of women and in some ways, I believe that it is a social and cultural construction. So when I consider what I value most about myself, I would say my voice. When I think about all the things I am able to do with my voice, all of the ways I am able to portray my feelings with my voice and all the possibilities my voice could bring about, I feel really grateful for the gift am I given and often take for granted.

I wonder…

Sometimes I wonder whether there is someone controlling the fate of our world…whether there is someone manipulating the fate of each individual. Some people believe in the free will theory while others believe in luck and a vast number of the population believes in some form of God. I consider myself an atheist, but recently I’ve been questioning my belief. Here’s why.

***

During our free block everyday, many kids go outside to play basketball on the court. Surrounding the court, are a several picnic tables, where students each lunch when the weather permits. This particular study period lead me outside to the picnic tables, where some other students were studying. I admit I was only half doing my homework, half observing the game. Suddenly, one boy decided to throw the basketball at the net from the halfway point on the

court. Epically missing, the ball soared over the backboard of the hoop and I watched it sail through the air, falling straight for the picnic tables and the students who were focusing on their homework. I wanted to shout “heads up!” but I couldn’t find my voice. The ball came soaring down, merely missing the head of one girl by inches and bounced futily in the center of the table. I’m not exaggerating. The ball missed by inches. If the ball had been released one second earlier, if the wind had not carried it a few inches further, and if the girl’s head hadn’t been as close to the edge of the picnic table, then surely the ball would have hit and caused a serious injury.

***

I’m so genuinely appreciative for still being alive and fairly well. From that basketball situation I realized how assailable we are any time of day. Yet I still wonder, is someone controlling this fate? Is someone, is something altering our fates? If so, I wonder, when certain evasions of death like this occur, and someone else in another part of the planet is in an ambulance, is that person being forgotten? I guess all we can effectively do if appreciate the life we have. To its fullest extent. I once published a quote about cherishing life’s and its opportunities and I will reiterate it here:

“No one can confidently say that he will still be living tomorrow." ~Euripides

I understand I am the pilot of my life. I am the driver, the captain, the general of most of it at least and I have the discretion to make decisions everyday that will impact my future. Yet sometimes events that occur right before my eyes make me unsure whether someone/something is manipulating at least part of my fate. I do not think I’ll ever find out. But I know I’ll keep wondering.

Introvertive

I am known as a typically cheerful girl, though when school and stress find their ways into my mind, I am susceptible to becoming irascible. My optimism is most evidently seen through my smile, yet other times, I find my happiness radiating through simply sitting by myself. During these times, I am remain quiet, even if the vicinity is bustling with surfeit energy.

Last week, X-Country was having a meet out in Milton. Our team was riding the bus out of the city. Of course, we encountered some traffic and an estimated our commute was an estimated 45 minutes. If there’s only one thing I’ve learned from riding a schoolbus everyday, it would be that kids at this age love to be social on the bus.

So maybe you’ve guessed by the title of this post, but maybe you have also guessed by the words of my first paragraph; I am an introvert, and I do not find bliss in social situations. Perhaps that isn’t the right way to put it, but I find that I enjoy listening to small-talk conversations on the bus rather than contribute. On the way to Milton, some kids were playing some games like Truth or Dare, MSK etc. and I found myself sitting in the last row of the bus, staring out the window. Just out the window…at the leaves that were beginning to tint red hues and observing the different angle the sun hits buildings in the fall. I was so mesmerized by the scene that stood, changed and blurred with the jolts, stops and movement of the bus until one kid turned around in his seat, looked at me and said, “Guys, you left an eighth grader out of your game.” Though I did appreciate his shoutout to my peers who were busily engaged in Truth or Dare, I didn’t want to participate in that game. I have always felt it would reveal too much about me, and I knew it would frequently turn out to my embarrassment.

I feel I need to be more social as I get older. I’m still working on this, overcoming the introvertive sides of me. I do not believe that I do not have the power to engage in small-talk conversations instead of staring out a window…I think I just need to see that I do.

Ways I’m Going To Attempt To Be More Social

• If not participating in a conversation, at least be visibly present
• Step out of your comfort zones to talk with people
• Start conversations, yet let others do a large portion of the talking
• During study blocks, schedule to meet with friends somewhere
• Go with the flow of the conversation
  
  
  
  

The Metaphor My Dad Told Me to Live By

In the fall season, I run X-Country. I really enjoy running, as this is one of the few moments of the day when I am able to honor the bugs that fly around in my head. I am given the opportunity to appreciate my ideas, aspirations, and tenets.

A few weeks ago, after a meet with another school, my dad was picking me up. On the car ride home he told me I had ran well. I believed him. The sun was shining that day. The clouds seemed white enough to resemble snow and the sun was merely beginning its journey to the horizon. Then our conversation began to turn into more meaningful talk. Knowing my volatile and erratic levels of stress at different times of day, my dad began to formulate a metaphor to help me understand how he hoped I would meander through life. As a runner, I can strongly relate to this metaphor and hopefully, whether you’re a runner or not, you will discover some way to make this metaphor meaningful as well.

***

Life is like a long distance run. A long, long run. Maybe 500 miles in the course of one lifetime. But you’re standing at that starting line knowing you must reach the finish line of that race. You are given nothing but your legs. Nothing but your legs and a pair of shoes. How do you conquer this challenge?

Running at my meet

Dad gave examples. Some people start off really fast and burn out [like I sometimes do in my races]. Others start out really slow, then gradually, once they warm up, begin to accelerate. Others maintain a steady pace throughout the whole 500 mile span [like when I run on my own]. Some don’t ever begin. However, my dad highlighted the importance of neglecting speed. He told me that as long as I reached the finish line, enjoyed the process and remembered what made me successful, I’ve won.

***

So in reality, I need to try to approach stressful assessments with alacrity. This metaphor makes me realize that if I study too hard, it would be like attempting to sprint to the finish line when I’m only 10 miles into the 500 mile race. Maybe I’ll sprint and get ahead of a few other people running the same race. But I may also encounter a cramp or two.

I’ve got the resources and now, I’ve just got to see it. My legs and my pair of running shoes are with me all the time. I’m 10 miles into the race. I know I will encounter cramps, injuries and bruises along the way, yet I know I must reach the end of the finish line. So I don’t need to sprint. But I also shouldn’t slack off. I should run at a steady pace so that I reach that finish line.

The Starting Point of Achievement

"The starting point for all achievement is desire." ~Napoleon Hill

What I Relish Most About My Days

Everyday of the week, school offers a lunch program that is optional to attend. Mindful lunch happens to run every Tuesday. Yes you’re right, the name does say part of its content. Our faculty facilitator offers us tips to being more mindful, observing our own sensations, and discovering what works for our own, accustomed minds. However, we are often engaging in seemingly trivial conversations that actually help us understand ourselves better. So I was asked this question:

What do you like to do?

It seems like a vapid question, summoning only a straightforward answer. Yet when I dug deeper into myself, when I attempted to relive the sensation of enjoyment, I found this simple, though not sole, answer: laying on my bed at night, listening to soothing music.

I think I began this habit at the beginning of eighth grade, so a little over a month ago when I re-discovered the Irish singer, Enya. I was about 5 years old when had first heard her songs on the CD my dad played in the car, but when I was 8 years old, KISS 108 took over. I soon forgot about Enya until I heard her music on my art teachers playlist. It when then, I began to appreciate her unique, new age style.

Every night, implementing Amazon Echo and the speakers in my room, I lay on my bed. I close my eyes. Sometimes I don’t close my eyes and when I don’t, I focus on the golden light of the streetlamp that curiously peers through my curtain. It is then that I say:

Alexia, play……by Enya.

I hear a soft, gentle thump of the first note. Then a slightly more audible sound of a melody, followed by a timely onset of a song. It is this that I relish most about my days.

Below is a list of songs by Enya that are my top favorites:

1. One by One
2. China Roses
3. Carribean Blue
4. Book of Days
5. Flora's Secret
6. Silver Inches
7. Wild Child

5 Reasons Why You Shouldn't Be Afraid of Your Tears

In this world, there are tears of joy and there are tears of sorrow, yet regardless, they are tears, which may arouse some benefits. I have previously addressed the therapeutic benefits of crying because I have always been one who lets my tears out when I feel ignored, when I feel

suppressed, when I feel frustrated and all those other feelings. Now, long after my first tear, the benefits of crying are finally coming back to me. Below is an article about why crying can be good for you (if done when necessary) which are derived from some of the benefits I have experienced.

It shows you are aware there is something badgering you. I cannot iterate how many people I encounter who blunder through life never bothering to understand themselves. They tell me, “Hey Ava, I don’t what’s wrong with me.” I reply, “Maybe nothing is wrong you.” They shake their head at me, “No, I know something is up.” Crying typically comes with gloom yet almost consistently leaves a light, for it singles out a problem in your life which you can later rectify. Through my experiences with crying, it almost helps me become aware of exactly what is bothering me and it then, aware of the problem, I am able to tackle it.

It suggests you do not run away from your feelings. Running away from your feeling could means remaining stoic when inside, you clearly aren’t. Crying is an evident sign which suggests you aren’t afraid of your feelings and that you understand it’s okay to be expressive, knowing you [hopefully] have someone who will support you. When I find the courage not to run away from my feelings, and face them instead, I meet more self-awareness along the road.

You benefit by realizing that crying can help you gather yourself. Tears of sorrow are often released with remorse or a feeling of failure. I cry when I feel all over the place. Often times it’s due anger and hurt, yet most of the times, it is caused by being overwhelmed. I’m typically invest time and effort several corners of life [artistically, academically, athletically, musically] yet when each of these separate things demands something infeasibily difficult to attain, I feel no center gravitation, no drive, no impetus. When I finally release those struggling tears, I almost immediately go into a phase where I tell myself what I need to do in order to manage all of the different aspects of my life like piano, tennis and school.   

You understand the stress-relieving factor of crying. Imagine you have a boiling pot of virulent stress and in your chest. Its lava boils and it rumbles and it spits sparks and crackles inside your chest. Obviously, it will not make you feel well, and it will suck life out of your spirit. You need to rid of it as soon as possible. So you cry. And slowly, drop by drop, the lava evaporates, from behind your eyelids, down your cheeks. By the time you dry your face with a kleenex, the lava within your chest may have disappeared.

You recognize we’re human. Being human means making mistakes. There are petty mistakes but there are also big setbacks. Big setbacks sometimes leads us to feel a lack of sanguinity. It sucks out the hope we have left and often produces negative thoughts about life. However, people who aren’t afraid of their tears understand that not everyone has perfect days. They comprehend that humans will always meander through life jumping, dodging or breaking through ocean waves. When one realize that a characteristic of humanity is crying, it is then that you are able to help someone else who is also suffering. It is then that you will support them when they need to break down. You may tell them that it is okay to cry, and hopefully your previous experiences with the benefits of crying will help you bring them to their feet.

Hopefully these reasons have given you some kind of realization that it is okay to express yourself and cry. These are just some of the benefits I have experienced when I cry. Maybe you’ll experience similar or varying traits. So I guess what I'm trying to reiterate here is that it's okay to cry because you don't need to be afraid of your tears.

How I've Grown: Seventh to Eighth Grade

Seventh grade. And now eighth grade. It appears to be a one year difference, yet in reality, it was only four months ago that I was a seventh grader. I’ve written about this sudden jump in responsibility and the seemly giant spurt in age, but the truth is, I’m only four months older. Yet I feel my perspective has developed and changed meaningfully during these past four months.

It’s about grades. I may seem like the nerdiest of nerds to be pondering this, but honestly, it has played a major part in the drive of my educational past. I’ve never been very competitive physically yet anything mental has been very competitive for me. Whether that involves placing a jumbled up alphabet in order or solving a math problem the fastest, I had a tendency to measure myself against others.

This year, my competitive intentions are different. They still exist and I frequently notice them when the bugs in my head buzz, yet they have taken a different route and I see my competition from a different perspective. Martin Luther King Jr. once said,

“I judge people by their own principles, not by my own.”

Likewise, it takes both courage and fortitude to judge yourself against yourself, not your peers or those you’re surrounded with.

So eighth grade…here I am. I still find myself occasionally returning to my “old ways” of being ashamed of myself when others do better. Their success acts as impetus for me to work harder, yet I also try to be genuinely happy for someone when they succeed, remembering the habit of Thinking Win-Win. I recognize that sometimes my notion to compare myself to others still resurfaces, but when this happens, I find that repeating this to myself helps: Ava, you’re your own best competition, you can drive yourself. It kind of rings, doesn’t it? Like I’m good enough to be competition for someone! I will not ever try to suppress thoughts or refrain from experiencing my own feelings, especially since we are all humans and feeling competitive is natural. All I must do is recognize my feelings and prevent them from overtaking my outlook of failure.

The Ocean Waves

Life is like a Ocean Wave. It wants to push you onto the shores of an abandoned island. Many people capitulate to the forces of the Ocean Wave, for they are forced upon the shore of an abandoned island. These people are known as the Stragglers. People pity the stragglers for

Shore from my Flickr account

they cannot be rescued without the deviation of another person’s life. Yet the stragglers are not doomed without rescue; they can make it off the shore by trying a new tactic of escape. This symbolizes when something in life isn’t working out. People aren’t paying listening to you, you can’t get along with your friends, or you can’t find enough time to get sleep. It is during these times that experimenting and changing tactics will bring the best results.

Right now, I feel a little bit lost. I feel like a Straggler who is stuck on an abandoned island. I need to get back into the ocean, but the Ocean Waves keep holding me back. No matter how hard I try with my old strategy, it is not enough. At this point, it’s about change. I’ll approach life with a new tactic and hopefully escape the island the surpass the forces of the Ocean Waves. It’s the only way.