Wellness Collaborative 2016

This past Thursday was the annual Wellness Collaborative Night at the Middle School. Each year, starting in seventh grade, one class is given up for a week, so that Will Slotnick, a wellness expert can visit BB&N and educate us on drugs, substance abuse, mindfulness and stress management. This past Thursday, I attended the Wellness Collaborative Night, which is a two hour long event where parents and students from different families are mixed into different discussion groups to talk about their perspectives of drugs, alcohol, mindfulness, and the progression of society on these issues.

I think one of the beauties of this event is that you’re separated from your parents. Kids are put into different groups than their parents so that the sharing of beliefs is not altered by influence or pressure from a close adult. In my group, which was composed of four more adults than eighth graders, one topic of discussion that has stuck with me in particular, was the word disappointment.  

The discussion facilitators posed a question to the group. I can’t remember the exact wording, yet I remember it was along these lines:

If you somehow got into drugs and alcohol, who would be the first person you would talk to for support?

Surprisingly, I’m going to admit, I didn’t say my parents, though many of my group mates said otherwise. And here’s why, in the past, I’ve felt that it is difficult to admit wrongs in front of people who are very close to me. Perhaps it is because I know they are constantly around me, but perhaps it is also because I know they can control me and it wouldn’t be considered “unethical” for my parents to yell at me. So this is why I responded to the question by saying I would talk to my best friend’s mother, who is likewise very educated and very supportive.

Yet one word I used when I voiced this opinion to the discussion group was disappointed. I wouldn’t want my parents to be disappointed in my actions. I’m disappointed in you hurts more than I’m angry at you.

Then, the conversation began to turn a path and one of the parents asked what they could do to encourage their children to ask questions. I replied, ‘by being careful with words.’ From Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People, I quoted his first principle, ‘Don’t criticize, condemn or complain.’

This is important, but this is really not the point. What has remained with me from this deep conversation at the Wellness Collaborative Night is the subtle depth, power and terseness, of the overused word disappointment.