And this startles me: Time

Time

With Time,

goes houses,

governments,

stories,

people,

years,

age,

and even the elusive;

luck.

But it is the memories

of those which pass

that remain unconditionally.

~Ava Long

Time is by far one of my greatest fears. It reduces room for creativity. It curtails one’s capacity to create themselves. And it constantly has me on my toes; I don’t want it to run out. Yet Time still has its purpose; to keep us in our tracks, to educate the importance of prioritization, and to act as a calendar for the countdown of major milestones in our lives.

I remember my experience in public school during my fifth grade year quite vividly. I
remember my peers, I remember the material we covered in all classes, and I remember the setting of our classroom–sunny in the morning, dim after lunch. And this startles me.

I can liberally travel back to fourth grade and recall many memories; the ERB’s with Ms. Listfield, learning about Greek art and the significance in the stories that are portrayed
within the colors, acting as Circe in the Odyssey play…and all of this persistently returns to my mind. Fourth grade was four years ago. Fifth grade was three years ago. Yet it feels like all the major events in my life happened last week. And this startles me.

Time waved his magic wand and the world moved on. I am never able to re-experience any past years. Each concert, speech, grade, test, class, and party slipped out of attendable reach after its termination, a few hours at most. However, they have not slipped beyond reach completely. The memories of all these events are stored in the attic in my head. Each year is stored in a big brown box. These brown boxes are placed on the top shelf of my memory. Only the most vivid, clear, ultra-definition memories stay within the back of my mind

for me to revisit when I meditate, practice yoga, run or dream. Time just keeps moving and I’m following his lead. Where does he even go? I can’t stop. I can’t return to the past. And I can’t undo what's been done. The only thing I can do is reminisce. And this startles me.