A Roaring Sea, A Semester Past

When I was younger, my parents always told me that each year will seem to pass quicker and quicker as I grow up. This year, now more than ever, I’m feeling that passing of time.

Eighth grade seems to have only started, but when I pause, I realize that I’ve been in school for five months already. The end is stealthily approaching, yet invisible, creeping up upon me, and the beginning is nowhere to be seen. I’m in the middle of eighth grade, a roaring sea, a time when everyone change physically, a time when the chemistry of everyone’s brains change. One could even look more broadly and say that being a teenager itself is being in the middle of a roaring sea. You’re too old to go into a carousel and you’re too young to engage in adult conversations. We in the middle anyway. Being in the middle of eighth grade only adds another layer of complexity.

Today was the last day of the first semester of Eighth grade and that’s why I bring this up. At the beginning of the year, in the eighth grade advisory program, we each set goals for ourselves. My goal, of abstaining from self-denigration, I believe has carried along well. It may be the only goal I remember setting, but it is really important. Avoiding self hate is the first step to getting others to respect me. If I can’t even respect myself, why should others?

Part of this I’m finding through tennis. Over winter break [which seems like ages ago], I played three tournaments. The singular most difficult crucible I encountered was believing in myself and not beating myself up for mistakes. This struggle to be kind and respectful to myself is what lead to some losses in my matches. It wasn’t my skill that was mismatched [though on my last match, I truly believe the girl was a more skilled player], but my mentality. On my last tournament over break, I told myself that I wouldn’t criticize myself, give myself too much instruction if I made a mistake and I wouldn’t attach emotions onto my shots. I won 2 out of 3 matches that day.

That example is something I continue to reflect on when I take a test, play sports, or review my grades. I think about that pride I felt when I was down 1-4 in my match, then came back 5-4, and won 7-5 in the tiebreaker. I’m proud to say this goal, of curtailing self-denigration, is progressing in the right direction. I can’t wait to see how this continues to develop.