The Nouveau Ambiance

Campus exudes a nouveau ambiance when I return from summer vacation. The crispy summer to fall transition weather provokes a sense of freshness and rejuvenation. Perhaps it’s the long break from school or perhaps it’s the confidence we each start off with during the school year thinking this is the year, but something about returning to campus always excites me. 

This year I am an Upper (junior in most high schools). For the first time since my time at Andover, my age falls in the older half. I’ve met some 13-year-old freshman and having three extra years on me, that feels like quite a long time ago. Walking around campus feels different. I feel almost…larger. The assertiveness and confidence of older students pervade through even the most trivial of our actions, such as walking through Commons surveying dinner, hustling through the library to find a place to study, or conversing with faculty on the pathways. While the strength of one’s confidence contributes to the appearance of one’s physical size, I’ve noticed the average Upper is bigger than the average freshman. Of course, two to three years play a huge difference in a teenager’s development. 

As the saying goes, with age comes responsibility. I feel the heavier weight of not only my performance in classes but the strength of my influence on younger students in the ways I behave and talk. I remember staring at the older students in awe my freshman year. I admired their braceless, perfect smiles. I admired their comfortability walking around campus independently. I admired the way they behaved in classes, asking questions until they understood everything perfectly. Perhaps this feeling is quite universal as one assesses campus social norms. 

Walking into commons yesterday, I felt eyes on me. Maybe it’s because I was dressed head to toe in running gear, but something felt different. The eyes felt similar to the way I regarded older students during my first week at Andover. Curiosity? Intimidation? Quite difficult to pinpoint. Being on the other side of those subtle almost subconscious stares feels different and quite honestly, the responsibility of being an older student on campus scares me. 

Butterflies fly in my stomach as I look towards this year from this side of the shore. I indubitably expect ups, downs, and stress. On the shore, it feels pretty safe. I realize though that as soon as I step into the water, I may begin to feel turbulence. So here we go anyway…onto Upper year.