Home vs. Boarding School

Home is so different from school.  Home is a place where I feel a relaxing ambience.  This past week has been my first full week back at home since school started and even though I had previously returned home for appointments of various sorts, the previous returns had been filled with an eminent feel of stress and anxiety.  This week, it has been very relaxing at home.  I have definitely cooled down my nerves from my first term at boarding school.

Home is very different from school.  I like both for different reasons.  I feel this is a perfect time to reflect on this topic as I have been fully immersed in boarding school for a solid term.  

HOME

At home, I have more indoor space.  I am one who deeply appreciates being able to move around.  My room is twice as big at home, and I have a whole house to myself.  I like to study in different rooms so being able to choose where I want to study is always a plus.  I find I am a little bit lazier at home.  In general, I consider myself a very active person and many would say they see me always on the move at school.  At home, sometimes I don’t leave the house until 11 AM and that’s usually to go grocery shopping or walk to get lunch.  There’s also no lights out.  Although it seems like such a minute detail, lights out can be stressful.  I often find myself at 10:51 PM rushing to the bathroom to brush my teeth and get ready for bed before 11 PM.  And…there’s movies at home.  Initially I didn’t miss movies, but after 3 months of abstaining, it was unbearably difficult to always find myself turning to exercise for mental relaxation instead of a movie.  

BOARDING SCHOOL

Of course I’ve mentioned some of the cons to boarding school, such as lights out at 11 PM and the lack of entertainment.  However, there are many pros to living on campus, the most important being that I am outside more.  My dorm is simply too small for me to stay in there past 9 AM on any day, including the weekends.  I wake up earlier and go on morning runs downtown or wake up to play tennis on the weekends; I start my days earlier.  I like how I’m always surrounded by my friends as well.  There are simply more people to talk with and I’m beginning to appreciate that, having grown up an only child.  I can also make my own schedule and decide when I want to be in the dorm and when I want to be elsewhere studying.  I really appreciate the freedom boarding school gives.  I suppose another benefit of living in a boarding school where I have more things to balance on my plate, being responsible with time has become more and more critical.  

At the end of the day, my dorm will always just be my dorm.  Home is where I truly find comfort.  I miss the weekend outings and walks in Boston.  And did I mention the shower pressure at home is better?

Be thankful for what you have

What I'm most afraid of

My first term at Andover came to an end this past Friday.  Time seems to have flown right over my head.  2.5 months felt more like one month.  And just like that, I’ve got 1 term down and two more to go.  

I’m dedicated practitioner of showering at night.  Every evening I’m in the shower, I think of about what I did that day.  The list of my daily accomplishments always seems too short.  Days pass like that, and even though there is 24 hours in between my showerings, the days that pass still build up.  That’s how one term flew by.  One term flew by and when I stop to think about my accomplishments this term, I feel like I haven’t done much.  I’ve been in Grasshopper, successfully found three clubs I feel committed to [which I’m sure will change with time], and I’ve adapted a healthy lifestyle that involves taking care of my physical and mental health.  I suppose this is enough for freshman fall.

The hard part is that this previous summer, everyday, I would think about the clubs I wanted to start.  I would think about how many friends I wanted to make and I would think about the reputation I wanted to build for myself.  This summer I also made a commitment to go to as many guest speaker series as I could manage; it’s only been two out of four thus far.  I made a list of a couple courses I’m really interested in taking and all the clubs I want to manage.

My biggest fear is that one day I will wake up in bed and realize that it’s my last month at Andover during senior year.  This list of stuff I wanted to do hasn’t been accomplished because I’ve been so caught up in studies that I haven’t found time to address them.  I find myself graduating having grown very little, having accomplished little, and having not positively impacted the community.  That’s my biggest fear, and with my first term flying away as it did, I’m finding it’s more critical than ever to act and make decisions that are both quick and effective.  

Personality test after every term

I’m a big fanatic in personality differences.  I’m intrigued by the power of personalities in shaping the decisions one makes everyday.  Last year, my friends introduced me to the famous Myer-Briggs personalities test.  There are 16 possible personalities as 4 characteristics are evaluated.  

My friends showed me a website called 16 Personalities, which is the same evaluation as the Myer-Briggs method.  You take a 100 question test and based on your answers you are given percentages for the following 10 characteristics.

Introversion/Extraversion (I/E): Introverts are recharged by spending time alone.  Extraverts gain energy from other people.

Observant/Intuitive (S/N): Intuitive people are visionary and tend to think outside the box.  Often, they are the most creative ones in the room.  Observant people tend to be more drawn towards practicality and they focus on facts and observation.

Thinking/Feeling (T/F): Feeling people are emotionally driven, while Thinking people are driven more by logic. Feeling people also tend to be more empathetic while Thinking people often see being efficient and rational as more important.

Judging/Prospecting (J/P): Prospecting people are the improvisers.  They like to think on the spot and are extremely adaptable.  Judging people are highly organized, and like to create clear plans.  

A final characteristic describes identity which is on a scale of Assertiveness/Turbulence.  Assertive people are self-confident, manage stress and work well under pressure.  However, this characteristic doesn’t influence the personality one gets on this test.

I’m planning on retaking this test at the end of every term to track how my personality is changing.  The test incorporates some very interesting questions that really made me question my own values and work ethic.  Last year, I was a Protagonist, which is ENFJ, meaning I was extrovertive, intuitive, feeling and judging.  This week, when I retook the quiz, I got the Executive personality which is ESTJ, meaning I am extrovertive, observant, thinking and judging.  My results suggest that I am coming more practical.  The decisions I make are influenced less by my emotions, but more by logic.  I will keep taking this test since it only takes about 10 minutes, but I learn a lot about how I work and make decisions.  More so, it’s about tracking how I’m changing from year to year.  

Screen shot of my results

What are you dipped in?

In sixth grade, I read a touching teenage romance book called Flipped by Wendelin Van Draanen (who is one of my favorite kids book novelists!).  After reading the novel, I watched the movie online.  I was touched…by both the writing and the screenplay.  This past week, I began thinking about one quote that is important enough to make both the screenplay and the novel as I was thinking about staying true to my sometimes peculiar self this past week.  

“Some of us get dipped in flat, some in satin, some in gloss.  Every once in awhile, you find someone who’s iridescent.  And when you do, nothing will ever compare.”  

As I was thinking about this quote, I added more categories to what is mentioned in the movie of coatings that each individual can be dipped into. I believe our this partially shapes how we are perceived by other people as it closely correlates with our personalities and thus, should be fairly specific.  I’ve added “sparkles”, “matte” and “dichroic” as in dichroic glass.  

It’s really up to an individual to define these categories and they will be defined differently from person to person.  I like to think of the images and textures of these various coatings. Then I like to put them into context with personalities.  

I see “matte” people as mentally strong, as people who have a thick skin and rebound well from failure.  I see “gloss” people as refined, perhaps a little introverted, but there’s always something about a “gloss” that distinguishes them from every other “gloss”.  I see “satin” as people who are extrovert, a blend of diligence and fun, and people who are overtly kind. I see "sparkles" as people who are extrovert, fun loving, easy going, and laugh a lot; they're often the life of the party and the spirit lifters. "Dichroic" people are introvertedly brilliant, they know more than they let on, but everyone knows there's something special about them. Of course, all these interpretations are up to individuals to make and will differ greatly from each other.

I’m positive I’ve met people of all these coatings, but I also have yet to find someone who’s iridescent.  And I can’t help but wonder, what am I dipped in?

How I'm staying true to myself

As a freshman at a boarding school that has kids who may be up to five years older than me, I’m beginning to feel the struggles of being the youngest.  These past two weeks, I’ve been trying to come to terms with myself upon recognition that some students in the school were talking behind my back.  I've been thinking about how to approach this situation and I've been formulating how I'm feeling this past week.

I think I can fairly say I’m a daring freshman.  I’ve been outspoken during club meetings [especially investment club], I’m not afraid to talk to upperclassmen, I still wear my BlueCard on a lanyard around my neck, I study in the tacitly circumscribed “upperclassmen” area at the library, I performed in Grasshopper, which is 95% esoteric to upperclassmen.  Last week, I was told that these traits are what make me an easy target.

Upon leaving BB&N, my advisor from eighth told me “stay true to yourself.”  This is me; the double Patagonia, public speaking loving, BlueCard wearing girl who doesn’t let age determine whom she can make friends with.  That is me.  When I found out that some upperclassmen and kids in my grade were talking behind my back, it was hard to continue to follow this advice, to stay true to myself.  I was targeted for not sticking to the freshman norms.  

I talked with my advisor from Andover.  We had a long conversation about how to combat this and at the end, we thought the best plan of action was to help me build mental fortitude.  

My advisor told me a story that is meant to act as guidance for helping me combat hurtful criticism.  My advisor played ice hockey for Harvard and later in the Olympics, and she remembered how when she was an ice hockey player, she was always frustrated when her coach called her out.  Her coach would always tell her what she should do in each play, and what she should do to improve.  My advisor was very annoyed by this, and she asked her coach why me?  Why tell me this?  Why not talk to other players?  Her coach replied, “because I know you can do it.”

It’s because some people feel that I can do it, I can break the well established social norms for freshman at this school and they feel threatened by my assertiveness and my confidence in what I do.  I genuinely feel that freshman are very separated from the rest of the school: we’re like our own clan.  My advisor told me it’s all an act of protection and safety.  When someone [me in this case], finds the gut to step outside of this clan, of the school norms, people feel threatened.  And for many people, their method to combat this feeling of unsafeness is to bad mouth and bring down that person who’s trying to step up.  

If other people are trying to take me down, it means I’m doing a good job, both stepping out of social norms and staying true to myself.  If others are trying to take me down, it means they feel that I’m succeeding.  If I’m succeeding, I can’t give up now and turn back into that freshman clan; I’ve got to keep going.  

To the indecisive

I have a friend who is indecisive.  Decision making is not a strong suit and it’s something he does not like to do.  Even the simplest decisions cannot be made by this friend of mine.  I’m trying to encourage him to make decisions.  Yesterday, when walking back from town, I asked him, do you want to go to the library or back to Isham?  I am not exaggerating: this decision took him 5 minutes to make.  There were both pros and cons to going back to Isham or directly to the library, and I felt ambivalent towards both.  Nevertheless, this decision took him at least 5 minutes to make while we were walking back. When he made the decision to go to Isham so I could sign in and pick up some sheet music, I asked him, which route should we take [there were three options].  This decision took him less time to make, but he continued to go back and forth between which road we took back to Isham.  At last he’d made a decision.  

I’m a proponent of the power of decision making.  There are simply too many opportunities and options in life of which route we are to follow each and every day.  Sean Covey sums it up perfectly, we are the pilots of our life and we drive which direction we want to go each day.  Decisions from when to wake up, to what order to do finish my homework, to what equipment to use at the gym.  I like to think that each decision I make today will impact tomorrow; everything is interconnected.  

Yet I understand that not everyone is like me.  Not everyone has an unequivocal plan of daily action, and even though I do, it doesn’t always unfold the way I’d plan.  But for my friend and for those who are indecisive, through rumination, I think I have one thing to say about decision making:

it doesn’t have to be complicated, but if we make the best decision each time we are put into that box, in the long run, we won’t be faced with as many critical, precarious decision making moments.

How my bad week relieved itself

This week was indisputably stressful.  It began on the wrong foot, continued on the wrong foot, and yesterday, everything was resolved.  When I look back on this past week, I keep turning to something I wrote about earlier this year: nothing is as bad as it seems.  Too often, I

Photo I took when I was trying to convince myself that life is beautiful

find myself overdramatizing the outcomes of a situation.  I let myself dream up all the worst outcomes, and these potential outcomes add additional, unnecessary stress to me.    

I believe attitudes are contagious, which is why I try to avoid sharing negative thoughts on this blog.  However, this is quite relevant to my life right now.

My week in a sum [or more, all the bad things that have happened this week]:

• Monday: woke up to find I’d knocked over my bamboo plant on my desk when I was sleeping.  Soaked my phone and my iPad.  My iPad case wasn’t functioning.  I was very worried about that.  I stressed I would have to buy a new one and that I wouldn’t be able to use my iPad for a long time because it was broken.  That was too extreme: I can still use my iPad even if the keyboard case doesn’t work.   
• Tuesday: I found out I’d lost my music binder.  This binder contains approximately 5 years worth of music learning in it.  It has two music books and tons of random music sheets.  I had lost it all.  I felt I had lost all the hard work I’d put into the instrument because that was my last connection to what I’d learnt from my old piano teacher, who taught me for almost 10 years.  It wasn’t the music that was valuable to me: it was the fingerings and the notes and the ideas that were written on them about how to play the music.  This incident made me realize how much my music means to me.  I don’t think this epiphany would have come to me if I didn’t lose my music.
• Wednesday: I thought one my friends was talking negatively about me behind my back.  I was hurt that this would happen.  I ignored my friend for a solid two days until Friday.
• Thursday: I worked on my math homework that afternoon, but found I had a question.  I went to math study center at night to ask for some help.  I didn’t get the help I needed, but the worst part was when I returned back to my dorm, I found I’d left all the math homework I’d completed that afternoon in the math room when I went to ask for help!

Friday was the big hitter when everything I thought could possibly go wrong regained itself.  I found my music binder that night in the practice rooms at Graves.  Then I found out my iPad keyboard was still working after completely drying out for a couple days.  And my math homework was short enough that I had time to redo it all [it was good review].  As for my friend, I found the gut to approach and talk about the situation.  It was a crucial conversation that we had, because there was a misunderstanding between us.  I’m still grateful that I read Crucial Conversations this summer, as I’ve once again found myself employing the tactics used.  

Few things in life are as bad as they seem.  When I have a lot of stuff to do, I make lists using Reminders on my phone.  There always seems to be a lot of things to do in my head, but when it’s written down, the same mental checklist seems shorter.  This is how I’m going to approach Finals week.