Every night I watch the news

Every night I watch the news, I want to scream. I find myself furious at the television, even though it's not the television's fault that the country has fallen into the state it finds itself in. This is a precarious time in the United States, one to surely make the textbooks. America is in pain. Some are grieving the losses of family members from COVID-19, which have topped well over 150,000, and others are engaged in protests against police brutality in a fight for racial equality. These are no light issues. 

Every night I watch the news, I want to yell at the people not wearing masks, not social distancing, and crowding on beaches. It's as if they simply don't trust the science we can ascertain about COVID-19, that it spreads through air particles, that it's highly contagious, that masks help, and that there can be long-term implications for perfectly healthy victims even if they don't die. The nation's top infectious disease doctor is being shunned by the President as a political move so while this science is reaching the ears of many Americans, it's the ones who simply don't care or who see taking precautions against COVID-19 as a political statement who are causing great harm to this country. It's paradoxical from the perspective of a high school senior who's in the midst of the college application process. While this is obviously not at the forefront of the nation's mind right now, it is on mine. And I can't help but wondering, what's the point of education if some of the most educated people right now are being shunned by the president?

Every night I watch the news, I think about the economic impacts of COVID-19. The US produces 2 trillion dollars of GDP roughly every 5 weeks. This simply means that additional week we spend in quarantine amasses to massive losses. Every week we can reduce of quarantine and every mask someone wears to slow down the spread of the virus will contribute to the speed at which we can return to normalcy. The US GDP contracted 32.9% this past quarter. If this country doesn't start taking this virus seriously, it will prolong the economic effects, more people will lose their jobs, homes, and not be able to afford food. I'm scared to know how this US will recover in the next 5 years, but from what I'm sensing, this is something that will take years to bounce back from. As long as the virus rages in this country, there is no light at the end of the tunnel. It will take a serious effort from everyone to stop the virus before we can return to some degree of normalcy. 

Every night I watch the news, I can't help but think how this administration has resurfaced some deep racists. Racism is unacceptable. That statement has no political party affiliation. I feel like racism has never been so imminent and forefront of a problem since I've been alive, and I'm glad some of the dark truths about the injustices in this country are surfacing. Nonetheless, to see people mowing down peaceful protests on TV and to see the national guard disbanded upon our own citizens is disgusting. These are not the ways social injustices should resurface, though history has shown it is unambiguous acts of violence such as those that ignite peaceful conversations. It's a shame and a disgrace to call myself an American at this point in history. America was built by immigrants and people of color and for these groups to experience continued ostracization in this country is shocking.

Every night I watch the news, I try to remain hopeful that all these crises toppled on each other will bring forth change. There is a lot going on in this country and around the world right now. This new decade surely hasn't hit us smoothly but I'm optimistic that this epoch of grief is where monumental change, governmental, business, social, can bud. 

 

The thing I just don't forget

I've been moved time and time again by The Help.  I first encountered this book on Amazon Charts a few years ago. Though lengthy, every chapter drew me in and the emotional connection I developed with the main characters made sad scenes heart-wrenching. It's one of the few books I've read and cried to.

Several years and a new house later, I'd been arranging my bookshelf and "shelf of favorites" when I found The Help again. Time has taken away a precise recollection of the plot but it hasn't robbed me of all the emotions this book induced within me. Reallocating that book onto my shelf of favorites elicited a wow moment. I knew I was holding something dear to me, but I couldn't pinpoint what about the story had made it so spectacular. Even though I had read The Help way back in 7th grade, I did remember clearly how it made me feel.

I think that's what makes emotion so inspiring, potent, and soberizing. Emotion is one of those things I just don't forget. Even if I forgot what something was about, what someone said, or what someone did or gave me, I remember how it or he or she or they made me feel. And that feeling can bring back nostalgia, tears, or happiness sporadically. Sometimes it even feels unwarranted but what my heart is trying to tell me is that something touched me and it's time to reexamine that moment. 

I'm not one to talk about my emotions. In fact, I try to strip as much emotion down to its core as possible. That's something that changed in me from middle school to high school and I think it can be spotted with a keen eye in my blog posts over the years. I've grown less emotional, less prone to inspiration, more numerical, and I'm at the age in my life where I'm beginning to see the flaws in this world. It's no longer rainbows and unicorns, this country is messy. This world is messy. And that's something emotion disabled my middle school self to discern. 

Last night, I watched The Help on Netflix. Reconnecting with the plot brought back that wow moment. As scenes passed by, I remembered exactly how I felt at those moments and it was rewarding to relive those emotions through seeing it on screen. The second time, it hit harder. I'm uncertain if the reason I found myself crying throughout the movie was because of the emotional connections developed with the characters or because I apprehended how disconnected I've grown towards reliving past emotions over the years. 

Have enough courage

"Have enough courage to trust love one more time and always one more time" -Maya Angelou

The Color Purple by Alice Walker

It's been a dreary, hot, and humid kind of day for the past week. Every morning when I step out for my run, I instantly feel wrapped in suffocatingly wet weather. 

So I've spent some time reading The Color Purple which arrived at my doorstep earlier this week. Walker truly plays with the power of literature here, telling the story of two African-American sisters, separated in their teens, for 40 decades through letters written in correspondence to each other during those years. I choose this book as my next read in the first place mostly because I saw the special place it holds in classic American literature. It definitely touched upon some of the most pressing social issues, even though it was written in 1982 and takes place in the early 1900s. 

The protagonist, Celie, is an African-American lesbian woman. As a teenager, her father gave her away to another man for marriage, effectively separating Celie from her sister Nettie and her young children. But Celie never loves her husband, who is referred to as Mr._____. While playing the role of a wife, she meets several important characters who will shape her life over the next 40 years, including Shug Avery, a sexy, stylish blues singer, Mr._____'s son Harpo, and his wife Sofia. 

There are so many powerful themes in The Color Purple. Perhaps one of the strongest themes was that of defying gender roles. While Celie is an obedient wife, who loves children and tending the house, she is abused by Mr.______, who exploits her obedience and voicelessness to punish her for not being the woman he truly loves, Shug Avery. Celie observes Harpo and his new wife Sofia's relationship. As much as Harpo loves Sofia, Sofia acts out of her own will. She refuses to be reduced in power because of her gender, so she defies every one of Harpo's commands. When of the most powerful moments in the book is when Harpo asks Celie how he can get Sofia to act like her. Celie advises him to beat Sofia, just as Mr._____ does to herself. When Sofia confronts Celie about her advice, Celie realizes why she even suggested a beating: she's jealous that she can't be as assertive as Sofia and she realizes what level of inhumanity she's been reduced to as a result of her being obedient. 

I felt several strong themes developing from this early scene, including the power of strong female relationships in fighting oppression and gender role,  sexism, and racism. I think the way Walker chose to 

tell this story made it even more powerful, allowing readers to gain insight into the thoughts of the Celie and Nettie. While probably not my favorite book of all time, The Color Purple addresses so many key, overlooked, and difficult-to-address issues in society. It's one of those books whose narration and characters just move you as you read. 

Perhaps my favorite quote from the book:

“It make a lot [of difference], say Squeak. When I was Mary Agnes I could sing in public."

Cats and moving

We're done moving!

As our family begins adjusting to our new home, I think one of the most interesting aspects of the entirety of this process is how my cats have been coping with the changes. I used to like cats quite a bit when I was younger. Now that I'm older, I see taking care of them as more of a nuisance than joy. But when I opened their carriers the night we moved and saw them reluctant to crawl out, paralyzed with a fear that seemed to freeze their joints, I began to soften. 

I have two cats. One of them will be 20 years old this fall and the only time she moved was 20 years ago at the age of 8 weeks old. I consider her a very intelligent creature, as she always finds ways to outsmart humans regarding her bathroom habits. The younger cat is 10 years old and he's always been less agile both physically and mentally. He was already 6 months old when we first brought him home from the breeder, so his major move was just 9.5 years ago. It was interesting to see how quickly they were able to adjust to the new place, which is both roomier and has a more complex layout. 

The first night, they slept in my parents' bedroom in their carriers, grasping to the last strand of the life they once had. The first morning was difficult too. We had to lock them in the bathroom as the movers finished up unloading the furniture. None of them felt comfortable walking through the house without a human companion, even our intelligent 20-year-old lady. It was interesting to see how they surveyed every room, wandering in and out of every closet, smelling every corner of every room. 

I believe two things confused both of them. Firstly, the staircase. Our old house has a straight staircase that went straight up from one floor to the next. This house has a curved staircase and I unexpectedly witnessed my younger cat slip on the turning stair. Secondly, there are two ways to enter the kitchen, through the dining room and through a hallway parallel to the dining room. Both cats were very confused by this layout, especially since there's a swinging door that separates the entrance from the dining room. One of the funniest moments was when I saw my younger cat (the not so bright one :)) staring at me in the dining room through the door to the kitchen. He seemed to think that entering the kitchen was a one-way rotary where you entered through the hallway and exited through the dining room. And he wouldn't budge when I tried to direct him the other way! It took him a couple days to adjust to this layout. 

We've been in this house for four days now and our 20-year-old cat is living her best life. It's evident that she's completely comfortable in the new space. She eats without fear and has no problem coming down the stairs and navigating the house. We even took her outside onto the porch last night and she didn't appear threatened by the new space at all. But the other guy is living a different tale. He barely eats and always sits on the side of the jacuzzi, squeezed between the tub itself and the wall. 

What a spectacle it is to watch these two cats. I think the higher level of intelligence displayed by my older cat has served her well in adjusting. She's needed less time and knows that as long as her owners are here, everything is safe. My younger cat, on the other hand, still believes something will poach him as he eats, which is causing him to turn his head around in fright after every single bite. It's been a joy to supervise these two over the last couple of days. And perhaps there is some joy in having pets, particularly when you realize that they really do trust you as their owner :) Happy 4th of July Weekend. 

Staying on a carpet they recognize Day 1

Moving

This upcoming week, my family will be relocating. We're staying in the Greater Boston metropolitan area though, so it won't be a massive difference in terms of location. 

As the days creep closer to move out day, I'm starting to feel a little nostalgic. I didn't expect to feel this way. I've been wanting to move a while, thinking a little change is always good. I've never moved before and I'm going to be 18 this year. The fact that I've never lived elsewhere, or will I probably ever live in a single house for as long as I have in this one, comes as a bit of a shock. 

I also think about the running and walking routes I've established throughout my town over the years. I know these routes by heart and by mileage. I always know where I'm going and I can speak with confidence that I can navigate most areas of town easily. But this will take a while to become accustomed to in our new town. It's a lot larger first of all, and secondly, I've never really spent a significant portion of time in that part of Massachusetts. I'm excited though. Walking through the neighborhood, I've begun to map out where everything is, how the streets are connected, and how I can get most easily from place to place. 

I've never been deeply connected to my current town, but even then, I'm familiar with it. The mere comfort I feel walking through town, knowing exactly where every store is, and exactly what every store sells is beautiful in itself. Yet when I think about all I don't know about my new town, I suppose there's an adventure around every corner. 

Finally, it's the way I know my own house. It's a familiarity I will have to relocate. At night, I don't need a light and I find the door from my bed. I can locate how close my bed is to the window even in the dark.

Nonetheless, I'm excited for some change. This is a pivotal moment in our lives for so many reasons. On top of what's happening in the world and in my family, I'm also a rising senior. It's like a wave of things just hitting at once but resuming peace once the wave passes. We're at the top of that wave right now. 

One of the hardest realizations

One of the hardest realizations I've come to accept lately is that a "before" and "after" of COVID-19 will be apparent. 

This week, I began taking an online course called the Future of the Business World, tailored to the recent happenings globally surrounding the health pandemic. I've completed just my second day of the two-week program and it's become quite apparent that the world of business will change. And beyond business, it seems that life will no longer return to the pre-COVID identical state in any industry. Retail will be different. Will people have to shop virtually? (imagine shopping at Bloomingdales and virtually riding up the elevator and walking around the jean section) It's likely that remote work will become more substantial within the upcoming years, as it's possible for nearly 32% of our current workforce to work from home? I suppose this remote work trend has been taking root for several years already and COVID-19 has merely accelerated its necessity. Touchless pay programs like Apple Pay will likely take on greater usage, as well as automation which builds economic resiliency. What about remote school? How will we have to rethink education so ensure similar or better quality of learning? It's quite staggering to see how middle and elementary students are expected to retain only 70% of their reading gains and just 50% of their mathematical advancements made this past year due to the extended summer and therefore fewer hours spent in school. 

I've been grappling with all these trends we may see within the next couple of years and it's hard to imagine that there really will be a new normal. Restaurants will be operating at a lower capacity. You might not be able to go to sporting events. Sports themselves may change during the season, particularly with contact sports like football. 

What's perhaps most amazing to me is how technologically and societally advanced humans are given our ability to adapt and how helpless we suddenly become during this pandemic. Humans have evidently lost a degree of control during this pandemic, something few things have been able to do. These are clearly unprecedented times. Unprecedented times with a before and an after. Sometimes I imagine I'm in the future remembering the pre-COVID life, how we used to eat indoors at restaurants and be able to see peoples' faces when we passed them on the streets. That would be a drab reality. 

The Grapes of Wrath: one of my favorites of all time

Last week, I finished The Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck. I'm going to be 18 years old this year. I'm going to be graduating high school this year and I just finished a full-year course on US History of which an essential component was the Great Depression of the 1930s. It's about time I took a look at The Grapes of Wrath. 

Agitating. That's how I would describe how many parts of the book made me feel. It angers me how migrants were treated. All they wanted was a little bit of land. A little bit of food. But they were ostracized, deemed "Okies" and insufficient to live a decent life. "And while the Californians wanted many things, accumulation, social success, amusement, luxury, and a curious banking security, the new barbarians wanted only two things–land and food" (233). Steinbeck organizes The Grapes of Wrath in a back-and-forth narration about one family and brief, philosophical interludes. Page 233 is part of that interlude between the narrations of the Joad family. These interludes are what agitated me the most. They have a minimal amount of speech but are deluged with rich descriptions about the western lands, the Dust Bowl, the famine, and most importantly, how Okie families reached out to help each other during their journey west. At first, I was quite confused as to why Steinbeck chose to organize his novel with the disconnected narration and the interludes. I later realized that he chose to "disconnect" the reader from the Joad story with interludes and speak more broadly about issues of inequality because the Joad's are one family that represented hundreds of thousands of other families moving westward. That's what makes The Grapes of Wrath so grand: it simultaneously tells the story of one family while representing the experiences of hundreds of thousands of others who wanted nothing more than a little land and some food for their families. 

Disgusting. Another adjective to describe how I felt at particular parts. What drew the most repulsion from me was when the police officers intentionally planned to wreak havoc in the government camp, which they otherwise couldn't enter. During one of the weekend dances, a man snuck into the camp and tried to cause a riot over choosing a dancing partner, which, as planned drew the police to the gates of the community. I was also very much disgusted by how the police officers treated the migrants, degrading them to anything but human. And this is quite a timely statement, considering the ongoing protests against police brutality in our nation today. As I was reading The  Grapes of Wrath, I couldn't help but think, wow, one hundred years later the system still has not changed. Police brutality isn't new. It's a flaw in our institution that existed even during the Great Depression of the 1930s.

One of the most important themes I took away from The Grapes of Wrath was dignity and insistence upon being treated like a human. The inequality that eroded the 30s society was fueled in part by people's need for basic necessities like food but also by people, who were economically marginally ahead of the majority, and their desire to maintain whatever difference existed. This is why I was touched when the migrants began helping each other. Families would reach out and share what little food they had left and they would travel together to find work. 

I was honestly surprised by the mellow ending Steinbeck chose. I thought the book would end more in a tragic light, similar to Of Mice and Men. But I suppose the Joads – or the migrants, rather – and their desire to preserve whatever decency they may have left allowed some of them to just make it. I will never forget the stress I felt as a reader learning that the Joads were once again on the road to find work. I think in total they must have found around four to five jobs, none of them prolonged or well paying due to the influx of migrants wherever the slightest inkling of labor could be performed for an even smaller sum of wages. "When there was work for a man, ten men fought for it… If that fella'll work for thirty cents, I'll work for twenty-five. If he'll take twenty-five, I'll do it for twenty" (283).  But the Joads never lost their sense of humanity or dignity throughout the book. Even in times of struggle, they maintained what they felt to be the right thing to do. In times of crisis, they epitomized what it means to be human, even when others don't treat you like one. 

This is one of those novels you don't stop thinking about when you're done. Certain scenes are still clear in my head, thanks to Steinbeck's vivid descriptions, and I can still almost feel the emotions of the characters in particularly dire situations. I rarely read a book and think wow as I'm reading it. Every chapter in The Grapes of Wrath simply had so much content and so much to absorb both intellectually and emotionally. As Penguin Classics wrote: "perhaps the most American of American classics". 

The next chapter of your life

"You cannot start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one" -Michael McMillan

Farewell to 2020

Farewell to the class of 2020. Yesterday, they officially graduated from Andover. 

I've written about this before but it's odd to me how high school brings youth from every corner onto one campus for four years. During probably the four most formative years of our lives, we grow tight-knit even as the grades above and below us form their own generalizations about the character of our class. People in the class form friendships and alliances with each other and some even go so far as to declare a serious relationship. For four years. Four years of strenuous learning, development, and growth later, a class parts from the steps of Samuel Phillips Hall. Clusters of people will end up going to universities in close proximity geographically and others will permanently end ties by virtue of career and location. Nonetheless, it intrigues me how Andover becomes the commonality between people who continue a brewing friendship and those who never see each other again. It's as if we all have something to hold onto that brings us back to 180 Main St.

Granted that we return to campus in the fall, my class will become the senior class. Though crazy to think about now, every year is just part of a cycle. It's a cycle that doesn't stop, with a new graduating class every single year. So it shouldn't come as a surprise that eventually 2021 will be the graduating class in that cycle. Being the oldest people on campus will be odd too. I've noticed how the seniors typically live in their own little bubble. It seems that after college apps, which take up the better part of the fall and winter, people are so "out of it" that it's hard to regain their footing and keep doing Andover. 

I'm excited for the class of 2020, though I was never able to fully say goodbye or congratulate my friends in that class. I hope these amends can be made in the near future.