The world breaks everyone

a cloudy night on campus

“The world breaks everyone, and afterward, some are strong at the broken places." -Ernest Hemingway

The UM App

This week was very stressful. Heavy school work, an exam, and applications made this week particularly difficult. I cried numerous times, sometimes the only coping mechanism I know to turn to when things become difficult. 

Yet it wasn’t school work that made this week difficult. Rather, my upper management application for our school newspaper, The Phillipian, flooded my mind with stress. To people outside Andover, stressing about a school newspaper application may seem petty. The thing about being on the UM of The Phillipian is that it’s like having a part-time 25-hour-per-week job. We publish a 20-page paper every week, which requires 20 pages worth of articles every week, and meetings to review the previous papers every week. 

Since the job itself is so arduous, the difficulty of the application comes as no surprise.  The most important thing I learned about from completing this 23-page application (in addition to writing two articles, using Adobe InDesign to layout a page in the paper, and performing a Web-Demo) is that applications are not just tests of what you know or who you are; they are also a gentle reminder of where you lack. 

The Phillipian app tested me in areas that even my high school applications didn’t touch. I must admit, the writing part of the app was easiest. The questions required thinking deeply but there wasn’t a right or wrong answer which made it almost enjoyable to do. While putting myself on paper was the primary part of the app (hence the 23-pager), the application also tested my digital editing and design skills. I struggled with this part. I was particularly flustered when I had to use Adobe InDesign to layout the page. This assignment was difficult because I had never used InDesign in depth. I tweaked with my layout for over 90 minutes but it still didn’t resemble the layout of the paper. 

I ended up submitting my not-so-correct layout of the paper. While I didn’t feel too good about that part of my application, I realized that if I want to be a part of The Phillipian’s UM, I would have to better my skills with InDesign. I left the computer where I had finished my Layout feeling a bit frustrated by my ineptitude with InDesign, but more so recognizing a hole in my skill set. 

So here I am now. I turned in my application at 9 AM this morning in person after having worked for an entire week on the components. Regardless of whether I get onto Phillipian UM, I have finished the process feeling like I at least know where I can improve myself. I’m grateful for having been able to participate in this opportunity.

Trust is the easiest thing to lose and the hardest thing to get back

Trust is powerful. This week, I realized that trust entails more than just having the power to confide secrets in someone. It also involves more than just believing someone for their credentials. Trust is more than just a verb or a noun. After thinking about it for a bit, I believe it’s a state of being with someone else. 

Trust enables one to get angry at another. I, at least personally, have never felt comfortable expressing resentment towards people I’m not super close with. Beyond minor annoyances, I never complain or express judgment to those whom I’m can only say “Hello”. One of my friends was mad last week, not at me, but at someone else. Instead, they vented their anger at me and I took that as a compliment that they had instilled enough trust in me to know I wouldn’t take it personally. It requires trust to get angry at people. 

Anger is just one element. I’ve discovered that trust allows us to forgive another. I have a very deep level of trust with my best friend. She has that level of trust in me too. This past week, I was involved in a confusion that she had to clear up with another friend of ours. I was ashamed of myself for my involvement. When I went to her room, she was busy explaining to the third party involved. She was a bit flustered and out of words for the situation, which we ended up working through together to explain. After, I apologized for what happened, a true apology where I realized the extent of the repercussions of what I’d stated. I was touched by my friend’s response: “Don’t worry about it. We have that level of trust”. 

Trust allows us to listen to others. Advice is almost never reciprocated by those whom we do not trust. We hear it, but we forget it. It’s when we remember the advice someone gave from a while back that we can fully appreciate how they had our best interests at heart. It’s where one takes into consideration the words of another before making a decision or performing an action. 

Trust has the potency to help us overcome difficulties in life. It has power in a human connection to dictate behavior that no other state of being can quite accomplish. To conclude this post, I’d like to share a piece of advice my elementary school teacher told me: Trust is the easiest thing to lose and the hardest thing to get back.  

Winter break 2019

Something’s always brewing when I head back to school. People are more lively, willing to enjoy dinner with friends, and in better moods. The break unmistakably contributes to our mental and physical restorations. 

I head back tomorrow evening. I’ve lived through two years of high school breaks, yet I’ve never felt so unready to return. I always struggled to get ample sleep, even on breaks, in the past. Yet these past two weeks, I’ve been waking up at around 10 every morning, a true first. I anticipate difficulty in waking up at my usual 6:30 time. 

This break, I’ve taken time to relax in the evenings while being productive during the days. I have been working out at Barry’s, playing tennis, and running on my own to work out. I’ve been preparing for some exams and cracking down on some summer program work. I’ve been brainstorming history paper research ideas and reading the WSJ to keep up with the corporate world. 

I watched a couple of good films over break, including The Rainmaker, Inception, and The Ring. The Ring freaked me out. In all honesty, I’ve never been much of a horror movie enthusiast, however, I didn’t know The Ring belonged to the horror genre until I was much too far into the scaredness to turn back. I had trouble sleeping after watching this film. 

Winter break evokes the feeling of homeyness. In the midst of these seasonal celebrations, I was able to spend some worthwhile time catching up with old friends. I met up with my middle school buddies as I wrote in a previous post and spent time with my old friend from elementary school. Most importantly, I was able to spend valuable time with my parents, whom I don’t get to see every day at boarding school. 

I’m not sure what to expect on campus when I return tomorrow evening. In the most positive sense, I seem to miss a lot of campus news lately and I expect the restarting of school to fly by. I’m most looking forward to catching up with my friends over dinner; I’m curious what they’ve been up to over break. A side of me also lives in denial of the end of my 10 AM mornings and peaceful evenings not spent writing papers. Regardless, I must find the willpower in me to get back on track; it’s time to return to high-power productivity.