My 2 Selves

On Tuesday, at Mindful Lunch at school, we were discussing personalities.

One of my all time favorite “tests” to take is called the 16 Personalities test, which is a free version of the Myer Briggs test but with more interesting names. Questions vary from how you would tackle a crisis, how you would react to something and degrees of how much you agree or disagree with a statement. I’ve taken this 100 question test twice, and I have consistently been a ‘Protagonist.’ Extroverted, intuitive, feeling, judging and assertive. When I shared this with the kids at Mindful Lunch, many were surprised. In fact, most perceived me to be the exact opposite of my results.

And frankly, that’s first time I’ve perceived my “two selves.” I have a side of me that everyone around me knows. This is the girl who is not afraid to speak her mind, the girl who loves running, who loves playing tennis, the girl who reads business books for pleasure, the girl who makes too many school announcements during MS Assembly, the girl who takes initiative at school, the “smart” girl. To many people who merely know me through communication and not physical interaction, I appear to be one who lacks humor, is quiet, and a bit demanding. But I always knew that I’m more than that. Most others don’t. I often wonder how my social image at school would be different if others did know.

There’s a side to me that is vicious, violent, turbulent, outgoing, self-conscious, temperamental, stressed, concerned, worried, extroverted, and funny, that others don’t see. And then there’s the deepest part of me, the part where my true character is enhanced, polished and developed. I am someone who relishes free time [which most kids at school

would never perceive I had], someone who once did wrestling and martial arts, someone who dances to the latest pop songs for at least half an hour everyday after completing her homework, someone who worries a bit too much about health, someone who has a social media account [most kids suspect I don’t have any social media], and reads funny quotes and jokes for the benefit of laughing.

I think in certain classes, my full self if expressed. One of them is math. I’ve always said I enjoyed math class, but I don’t think it was until now that I realize why...I am able to be my full self with minimal borders. Self 1 (the stern version of me) is expressed through my class work and my understanding of the topics we cover, yet Self 2 (the one that’s outgoing) is expressed through my energy in class and my participation. In fact, math class must be my most vocal class, I find myself talking the most in this class compared to others courses. I’m not sure what causes this...the fact that numbers [which are somewhat foreign to everyone] are the main subject, the particular mix of students or the relatability of the teacher [through power of observation, I do find that I consistently relate best to math teachers over others].

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These are the two sides to me: Self 1, my influential, motivated and apparently stern side, and my cloistered Self 2, my laid-back, chill, and humorous side. Some of my closest friends haven’t even felt this second side of me. I was a “Protagonist” on the 16 Personalities Test because only when I truly am able to express this second half of me, will the full spectrum of my personality become tangible. This week made me more aware of this case. This I am grateful for.