100 days

Today marks the annual "100 Days Party." An Andover tradition. It's something I've been looking forward to since freshman year. The 100 Days Party takes place during the final weekend of Winter term and it's seniors only. It marks 100 remaining days until our class graduates…including weekends. I'm remote this term, so I haven't been able to see my friends for a year at this point. This also means that I won't be able to attend the 100 Days Party, which is taking place as I write. 

It's a day to celebrate the graduating class. 2021. What a ride we've been on. This party marks a quarter of our lost time together as a grade. We've missed many traditions. Besides the 100 Days Party, missing the Vista Walk on the first day of school left a dent in my spirit. I was also greatly looking forward to the boat cruise in the Boston Harbor during senior fall. We've seen the highs and lows of Andover. We've seen this institution shine and we've seen it struggle. And the students in the class have been working relentlessly to drive positive change as student leaders, prefects/proctors, and role models. I've worked with some of them, and I'm still continuously inspired by my peers. 

But we've also lost time together and I hope this class finds a way to reunite as one. We're scattered all over the world as of now. Those who decided to return to campus for the last month of Winter term are bringing parts of the puzzle together. But this class, which usually comes together every fall onto one campus from all quarters of the world, has remained scattered in these quarters. Yet what's more inspiring is the fact that we haven't lost connection with one another. We haven't forgotten each other. The 100 Days Party is a testament to this fact. Superlatives are announced during the 100 Days Party, where students nominate each other for around 30 different categories. The fact that different students were nominated for each category means that even after a year of remote learning, we still recall the memories, traits, and personalities of the individuals in our class. 

The 100 Days Party is a bittersweet moment. It's certainly a time to celebrate the graduating class. However, it's equally a time to realize that these are my last 100 days as a high schooler. I'll never return to this age or moment of life again. And when this second thought comes to mind, I can't help but think about the things I want to do before I graduate. The first thing that immediately comes to mind is attending a Brace Presentation. I need to do this in the Spring when I'm back on campus. I would also like to wake up early one day and watch the sunset on Siberia, or what we call our soccer fields. I'm usually up around this time, but in the middle of a workout. I haven't spent the time actually appreciating the peacefulness of campus early in the morning when 95% of campus is asleep. Finally, I cannot wait to serve as a residential prefect in a freshman dorm in the spring. I've always wanted to prefect/proctor a dorm and I'm really looking forward to this opportunity to work with the younger students on campus. 

Winter term comes to an end this Friday. Meanwhile, I'll be savoring my final months as a high schooler. More responsibilities surely come with going to college so perhaps this is also my last couple of months as a true kid.

 

Where there's joy

"Find a place inside where there's joy, and the joy will burn out the pain" - Joseph Campbell

I found this little quote on the bottom of my Google Chrome Momentum extension. As my final winter term of high school comes to a close in two weeks, I'm inadvertently, entirely counter to plan, stuck at home in the midst of a global pandemic. Whereas I'm experiencing pain from not being able to see my friends, from hearing about the dire problems happening around the world, and from watching ugliness continue to unfold with policymakers play politics with people's lives, I'm finding solace listening to new podcasts and trying to discover something new every day. There are always inklings of joy to be found. For me, I'm currently seeking them through driving, learning new things, and helping students with math through a free math help account I started on Instagram.

Reflections on Friendship

This morning, I woke up to my friend's text. She said, "OMG Ava, I just found our emails from the first few days of freshman year." This was written in all caps by the way. She forwarded me our exchange. I was emailing her, asking whether she could help me print my french homework since she was still at the library. Then our conversation took off from there. We became really close friends from that moment onwards. 

I reread our chain of emails. It's something I don't frequently do since I have a bad habit of dwelling on the past. But my friend brought it to my attention this morning and the first thing that struck me was the formality of our exchange. We began each letter with "Dear" and ended with "Thank you." We wrote in complete sentences and we evidently placed great effort into the crafting of each sentence. Discerning the stark difference between how we communicated during the first few days of high school versus how we communicate today is truly a testament to the evolution of our friendship. 

With CX, I learned abbreviations. We have our own series of styles and ways of texting. We drop articles and mess with grammar rules for simplification, allowing the rapid nature of our exchanges to flow out of our heads onto the screen at an adequate rate. Hesitancy or difficulty in describing something is depicted over text with the word like. Our favorite emoji: 😂. In fact, texting over the years with CX has quickly made the laughing crying face my most popular emoji. With CX, I use this emoji to express true laughter and happiness. Contrarily, for others with whom I'm less familiar, this emoji has taken on a different meaning, as I learned from CX. It has become my nervous/hesitant go-to. 

Our texts have evolved with our friendship. From something formal to something other people might struggle to follow, perhaps the character of our texts reveals the nature of our friendship. In fact, one of my friends in the class of 2019 told me once, "I don't understand how you and CX are friends. You're just…polar opposites." And I agree with her to a certain extent. While I'm usually early to commitments, CX is more last minute. While my room is spotless, CX lives in perpetual disorganization. While I socialize when I'm done with homework, CX is one of the most hardworking people I know and she keeps working after homework, sleeping in the early morning hours of the following day. CX and I may differ in certain regards but the way our friendship has evolved reflects the fact that fundamentally, there are values, principles, and beliefs through which we relate. Or perhaps it reflects the hardiness of friendship: it can surpass what others may deem polar opposites. 

I'm forever grateful for CX. She's the person whom I trust most in high school and she's my closest friend. She's influenced many of the values I've developed over high school and showed me what hard work actually entails. 

Driving!

This weekend, I got behind the wheel for the first time in my life. It doesn't matter that I stayed in the high school parking lot or that I inched along the road at 5 mph, I began my driving journey. I believe driving is a major milestone in a person's life. While driving transports people from A to B faster than walking in a literal sense or in high school identifies upperclassmen and lowerclassmen, at its core, driving to me equates to a form of freedom. It's the ability to get myself where I need to go at the time I need to go without hounding my parents, which I believe is a crucial measure of the independence one gains between childhood and adulthood. 

I drive very slowly right now, but this is normal. This morning, I went out to the parking lot for my second time ever and I managed to actually use the gas pedal! My turns are getting smoother and I'm starting to work with the car rather than try to force maneuvers. Oddly, when I'm driving, I find myself thinking about Henry Ford and his revolutionary idea behind the automobile. I keep thinking about the fact that I'm just a high school kid…and I'm learning how to drive by the design of Ford's vision to make driving accessible to everyone. It's for that very reason, that driving wasn't only an accessory, a luxury, or a skill requiring a high degree of intellect, that I find myself driving amongst millions of others today. 

I've got a long way to go, as I've driven a total of just over 3 hours. While this is a routine process for everyone who has learned to drive, I wanted to write about embarking on this experience today because I began another milestone of my life. It's another one of those bucket list items that "transports" one from childhood to adulthood. 

Things I love lately

February! Onto the second month of 2021. Seniors were invited back to campus for a month, but I chose to stay home until the spring term when I can squeeze in a full term with the same length quarantine. So here I am, finishing the last stretch of my last winter term of high school, living through a global pandemic and a major nor'easter that's hitting a large portion of the east coast. Yet even in these dark, bleary, snowy, and windy days, I'm still finding ways to appreciate life. I admit it's been particularly difficult to try new things during the pandemic as a consequence of being restricted to my house, so these are small trinkets that add inklings of joy to my day. 

Into the Wild (2007). spoiler alert **So this movie came out when I was just 4 so I'd like to believe that's the reason I missed this hit. I watched Into the Wild over the weekend, as per the recommendation of my dad, and days later, I find myself still reflecting upon the life of Christopher McCandless. McCandless was born to a wealthy family, but after graduating a top student from college, all he sought to do was "go North" to Alaska. McCandless burned the remainders of his trust fund, burned his SSN, and left his family without a trace, ultimately dying in Alaska due to starvation. After watching the movie, I read a couple of articles about McCandless in the New Yorker, learning to my surprise that he only survived for 113 days in Alaska. I was particularly drawn to the movie because McCandless's life really touched upon the fundamental fact that there exist many types of people in this world who have diverse aspirations in life. Moreso, there's a really interesting moral dispute behind this movie, which was adapted from the book by Jon Krakauer, questioning whether it glorifies McCandless's somewhat self-destructive, whimsical mentality or whether it celebrates the wilderness and freedom from the ills of civilization. 

White Fragility by Robin DiAngelo. This book has been on my to-read list for years. In fact, since it was first published in 2018. I first encountered this book in my school's library, and no one seemed to check it out. But I finally found the opportunity to read it and it has transformed the way I see race in America. While I've always been aware of racism and white supremacy, I didn't understand how it could seep into societal institutions, residential neighborhoods, and word choice. It's an insightful book, one that's uncomfortable to read at times, but I would totally recommend it. 

Effie's Biscuits. These are a delightful treat that my family constantly stocks in our pantry these days. We've gone through four flavors already, Oatcake (the OG), Cocoa, Pecan, and Corn. I'm not even kidding, I love all of them. I also find the history of the family business quite intriguing. Effie MacLellan, who moved from Nova Scotia to Dorchester, MA, invented this delicious treat decades ago. Yet, it was her daughter's generation that knew they had to share this delicious treat with the rest of the world. Hence, they launched Effie's Homemade! I love ending a meal with these little squares of joy. They're just the right amount of sweetness, crunchiness, and crispness. 

Baking banana bread. I used to be an avid baker back in middle school, but after I started going to boarding school, I lost my touch with the oven. My mom phrases it in Chinese as "I seem to have reversed course and become more of a child." Being in the middle of a global pandemic has changed this and over the past couple of months, I've reconnected with baking. In particular, I've grown skilled at making banana bread. I don't like sour cream, so nailing the moistness has been a challenge, but I've discovered that adding a ton of bananas does the trick.

The stretch between now and the spring term feels longer this year than in the past. Perhaps this is due to the fact that I haven't been on campus for almost a year! Whereas we used to have periodical breaks, such as winter break, this year has slurred together into one train. It's been tedious at times, but I'm pushing through. There is light at the end of the tunnel. And the things I love lately will, as always, help me get there.