The crossroads of bliss and rationality

There’s something addictive about conversations with certain people. The energies just flow from each other and we seem to understand exactly how to roast, tease, and listen to each other. Addictive there lies in a good sense but there are times when the other party crosses the line, overrunning the most fundamental premise of a relationship of which is respect. It is in those circumstances when we must recognize the necessity of renouncing whatever fun had existed prior and remove the weight of another burden. 

Lately, there’s been a friend to whom I’ve been getting close. We share a mutual history teacher so I began getting to know him through a paper and some homework. We get along very well. We feel comfortable roasting and teasing each other while creating something productive with our time. He’s also a savvy investor in stocks, so there exists a common platform of conversation, debates, and interest in that regard. I truly thought he would be a keeper since every time I walked away from a conversation, I felt like I had something to think about and I felt happier. 

But he crossed the line of respect this past week by throwing a laptop at me after getting angry at my response to a political question regarding the 2020 presidential election. I was shocked when he threw the device at me. It wasn’t even his laptop. It was then that I began to question his inner conscience. Perhaps his sanity and energy on the exterior only masked an internal wreck. I dislike speculation but in all honesty, who throws their friend’s laptop at another friend? It was at that moment that I decided I had to hang around this person with caution. If he dared throw a heavy object at me, who knows the extent of the damage he could further inflict. 

I was drawn to his personality like a drug; it was something I wanted to keep coming back to. He brought out a side in me that few people do. We’re the same level of “delicacy” in the sense that it’s hard to offend each other and we share similar interests. For that reason, it made it especially difficult to cut out this relationship, particularly when I genuinely felt content in his presence. But for reasons beyond happiness that I felt took priority, I had to distance myself. 

It’s surprisingly difficult. It was when I realized the potency of happiness and bliss. Bliss is one of those feelings that has the ability to shroud one’s rationality against all principal values I’ve worked hard to ingrain within myself. What further makes bliss so difficult to neglect is the fact that it’s a natural, addictive high. The days I tried to cut him out, a part of me always wanted to see where he was on Snapchat or see what he was up to and the rational side constantly had to remind me of what he did. So here we are again at the crossroads of bliss and rationality. Perhaps a crossroad I will come across repeatedly indefinitely.