2019

2019 is almost to a close. Every year flies by faster and the boundaries between years seem to bleed into the next. Years used to remain contained within itself, almost like the closing of a book. At New Year’s Eve, it would be time to store that book onto the bookshelf. It hasn’t felt that way this year. What happened last year remains constant in my present-day life; the book seems to have acquired new pages and grown longer. 

While winter is a cold time of year, I don’t actually despise it. I enjoy this time of year because of the festive lights which compromise the early darkness and I enjoy the smell of pumpkin spice at Starbucks. While the streets empty out earlier in the winter, people return home to warmly lit houses where they can be with their families. This time of year is also a time of reflection. 2019 didn’t feel like an entire year. It felt too fast. Everything fell into place quickly and changes were difficult to make. It was also a year where second-guessing repeatedly lead to mistakes. Nike’s motto “Just do it” would accurately describe the way I felt about my work ethic. 

I feel I matured this year. When I say “matured”, I don’t exclusively refer to having grown older, but rather I understand myself better. I believe there comes a time where everyone solidifies who they want to be and move away from different “phases” of childhood. There’s this saying that every teenager goes through the rebellious stage before they grow up. While I didn’t exactly go through a rebellious stage per say, the concept of exploring my identity involves venturing out onto a tightrope. I think this year, I’ve found myself walking off that tightrope onto solid ground. In discovering who I strive to be, I’ve grown more comfortable in my own skin as a byproduct. This new comfortability with myself is what I fluidly refer to as “matured”. 

This year, I began caring more about etiquette. It’s something I’ve never cared quite as much about until this year when I realized how etiquette is a sign of respect for oneself and others. I’ve become more mindful this year. 

Finally, I feel I’ve become a stronger writer this year not because I’m receiving more positive feedback on my essays but because I know what good writing looks like. Or rather…feels like.  The words and ideas of Yuval Noah Harari, the author of Sapiens, articulate so fluidly it’s as if Harari’s analysis is a revelation I’ve personally worked through. Clear writing speaks to the reader almost to a personal level. Harari left no room for misinterpretation of his ideas, which is how I feel I’ve been able to connect with them. This is something I hope to accomplish in my writing. 

So here I am. About to move onto a new decade at the age of 17. In all honesty, no matter how grand a moment this may feel, I do not think I will remember it 50 years from now. 2019 marks the end of the decade and therefore the end of many trends. Music tastes, style, and fashion will inherently change in the new decade. Whatever it may be, I cannot wait to see what 2020 brings. Cheers to the new decade.