A yardstick of quality

"Be a yardstick of quality. Some people aren't used to an environment where excellence is expected" -Steve Jobs

A little reminder to seek for better as I enter the final work week with my team for our company.

We scare ourselves more than anything or anyone

At night, when I have nothing to do, little to think about, and no immediate pressures, my brain wanders. Lately, I’ve found myself stressing out around 9:30 PM at night. Perhaps summer vacation and the lack of a three-tests-per-day schedule are the culprits to my stress. I don’t know why. It seems that whenever I have no imminent stressors ahead of me, my mind backtracks and begins freaking over stressors in the past. It’s almost as if my brain has become accustomed to constant stress. Perhaps the lack of stress and things to do induces stress. I begin worrying about past failures, panicking about my performance in school, or analyzing my social life.

I had a mental breakdown in my room last night. It was around 10:00 PM. I had spent the day in Boston, studied some physics, and worked on the company with my team. In the evening, I played some badminton with some people in the dorm. In the time being, it felt like a productive day. Too fatigued to work, I lay in bed at around 10 PM with little to do or think about. Perhaps that was the danger: having nothing to do or think about. I found myself meandering into my past and I began to stress myself out. 

Last night taught me something important: we scare ourselves more than anything or anyone. Yes, I’m scared of bugs and spiders, but not more than my ability to do whatever I want to myself and others. A part of me wants to trust myself. Nevertheless, it’s difficult knowing how much power I possess over myself and my capabilities. Having power is an amazing aspect of being a human being. We have the power to succeed, to persist against hardships, and to produce real change in this world. On the other hand, our power can also inflict pain upon ourselves. Striving to find that equilibrium is ultimately the key to success. I’m a believer in the idea that a little pain produces more gain than a smooth hike to the top of the mountain. 

To conclude this post, I will talk about a little saying I’ve seen on Instagram. There are these I’ve seen posts which say, “behind every successful person is an endless latte”. True, to a certain degree. However, what’s always true behind every successful person are the times they overcome the nights where nothing makes sense and where everything feels upside down. 

Detach Yourself

Detach yourself. It’s something I’ve read about, my parents have told me about, and that I’ve tried to learn through my club at school. Maybe it’s time that helps, perhaps it’s my exhaustion with managing everything, but lately, I’ve discovered that one counterintuitive way to go about problem-solving is to detach myself from the problem itself. 

I easily become emotionally attached to things I’m a part of. There’s a part of me that wants nothing more than to extend every drop of energy out to projects, groups, and ideas I work on. Part of this resilient strive for perfection comes from my belief that I shouldn’t engage in anything I’m not willing to put 100% into. 

I’m quite surprised by my lack of stress and my ability to handle difficult situations calmly at this entrepreneurship program. Executing plans has consistently been something that's stressed me out at school. Nevertheless, my team and I have hit some troughs and lows, but somehow, I haven’t been feeling that burning desire to plow through these situations. I’ve found myself taking my time with every failure, struggle, and setback, creating learning opportunities from each obstacle. Could this be due to lower stakes in the summer? Lack of other stressors? Perhaps. But maybe time has allowed me to mature a little more.

I no longer feel the heat rise to my cheeks when things don’t “click” immediately; instead, I step back and evaluate the whys and the whats. I try not to attach my worth as a human being by my accomplishments, but rather, by my kindness and sincerity towards others. The inklings of a newfound ability to take a step back, view the situation from the outside in, is allowing me to tackle problems better. My breath stays down. I focus on the problem. Then I take the first step. Is this what adults refer to as emotional intelligence? 

Lately

Lately, I've been at an entrepreneurial camp, the reason behind my lack of activity on my blog. I’m half-way through my first of four weeks at this program. There have been some ups and downs, but overall, I’m quite content with my experience. 

Our day begins at 7 AM. We take public transportation, arriving to class at 9 AM. We finish class at 4 PM, and from then on, the day is ours. While I’m slightly disappointed in having to wake up so early for class, I find myself eager to learn. I feel different in these classes, which tackle various business aspects like customer buying behavior, consumer persona, market research, etc. I find myself participating in the interactive lectures and when I raise my hand to respond to a question, adrenaline and ideas pour through my system. I’m excited. It requires a different way of thinking from classes in school; these classes solidify knowledge of human behavior, sociality, and creativity in solving business problems. I enjoy listening to the creativity of each person's response and I particularly enjoy observing how everyone takes a slightly different take on a particular question/issue. 

It’s a beautiful thing, being able to understand people’s thinking processes. I also love my team. The program’s pre-work asked that we take personality and learning style tests, as the administration used this data to strategically formulate teams. I suppose this data worked quite well, as I’ve bonded not only with my team through the work we do in class; I’ve also been able to know them as individuals. We've worked through many ideas together, combing through the ups, downs, and confusions. During our meals, we crack jokes, talk about our experiences outside of the program, and our favorite things to do. It's amazing how much our friendship has grown since the pre-program when we only saw each other through google hangouts to begin the pre-work. 

In the evenings, the residential advisors host nightly hall meetings. I’ve had the pleasure of meeting some pretty cool people in my hall and even drifted around to hang out with people in other halls. I've met some really strategic minded kids, some from other countries, some who code, others who do physics, and those who speak five languages. It’s only been a couple of days at this camp, yet the days feel long and the week short. Having hung out with various friend groups, participated in various recreational sporting events, and eaten my meals with new people every day, I believe I’ve found my spot socially. I feel as if I've formed connections with many people in this camp, surpassing my expectations for the speed at which friendships could form. I cannot wait to see what these next few weeks bring for my personal growth, for my team, and for everyone's companies.  

graduation

The class of 2019 graduated three days ago. Fortunately, they just missed the rain, though the clouds enhanced the drama of their graduation pictures. I’ve made many good friends in the class of 2019. Some of them I knew through my dorm. Some of them I knew through sports. Others I knew through classes and extracurriculars. Everyone in that class, in fact, everyone at this school was brought together onto one campus from all corners of the world. We knew each other through our common ground: PA. The question is, what happens now? 

The day I moved out of my dorm, I couldn’t help but notice how I may never see members of the graduating class of 2019 again. It was difficult to say goodbye and I honestly wasn’t quite sure what I should have said. It’s sad to think about, but reality and the nature of probability dictate that I will never see most of these peers again until reunion twenty years later. I became acquainted with these 330 students through a mutual platform: PA.  It’s scary to think about what happens when that platform that bound us all together is no longer there. 

I suppose life just moves on, and in the strangest sense, no one really sticks beside us in life. It’s odd, and perhaps a little pessimistic, to think that every relationship we have in our lifetimes is rooted in a third party. My best friend asked me recently, what happens when we graduate? My friend will definitely move back to China and I will likely move around in the States. 

We meet a vast array of people in our lifetimes, but it’s change drives us apart. I’ve written about this before, but I think it’s worth restating how life is just like a train. We all hop on and off at different stops and at each of those different stops, we meet different people. When the people we met at that stop get back on that train to continue their journey, each person will get off at a different stop. We may never get back on the train at the same time or end up at the same stop again. 

Nevertheless, congratulations to the class of 2019 and thank you for being the role models in my time in high school. I hope I see some of them on that train again.