Introvertive

I am known as a typically cheerful girl, though when school and stress find their ways into my mind, I am susceptible to becoming irascible. My optimism is most evidently seen through my smile, yet other times, I find my happiness radiating through simply sitting by myself. During these times, I am remain quiet, even if the vicinity is bustling with surfeit energy.

Last week, X-Country was having a meet out in Milton. Our team was riding the bus out of the city. Of course, we encountered some traffic and an estimated our commute was an estimated 45 minutes. If there’s only one thing I’ve learned from riding a schoolbus everyday, it would be that kids at this age love to be social on the bus.

So maybe you’ve guessed by the title of this post, but maybe you have also guessed by the words of my first paragraph; I am an introvert, and I do not find bliss in social situations. Perhaps that isn’t the right way to put it, but I find that I enjoy listening to small-talk conversations on the bus rather than contribute. On the way to Milton, some kids were playing some games like Truth or Dare, MSK etc. and I found myself sitting in the last row of the bus, staring out the window. Just out the window…at the leaves that were beginning to tint red hues and observing the different angle the sun hits buildings in the fall. I was so mesmerized by the scene that stood, changed and blurred with the jolts, stops and movement of the bus until one kid turned around in his seat, looked at me and said, “Guys, you left an eighth grader out of your game.” Though I did appreciate his shoutout to my peers who were busily engaged in Truth or Dare, I didn’t want to participate in that game. I have always felt it would reveal too much about me, and I knew it would frequently turn out to my embarrassment.

I feel I need to be more social as I get older. I’m still working on this, overcoming the introvertive sides of me. I do not believe that I do not have the power to engage in small-talk conversations instead of staring out a window…I think I just need to see that I do.

Ways I’m Going To Attempt To Be More Social

• If not participating in a conversation, at least be visibly present
• Step out of your comfort zones to talk with people
• Start conversations, yet let others do a large portion of the talking
• During study blocks, schedule to meet with friends somewhere
• Go with the flow of the conversation
  
  
  
  

The Metaphor My Dad Told Me to Live By

In the fall season, I run X-Country. I really enjoy running, as this is one of the few moments of the day when I am able to honor the bugs that fly around in my head. I am given the opportunity to appreciate my ideas, aspirations, and tenets.

A few weeks ago, after a meet with another school, my dad was picking me up. On the car ride home he told me I had ran well. I believed him. The sun was shining that day. The clouds seemed white enough to resemble snow and the sun was merely beginning its journey to the horizon. Then our conversation began to turn into more meaningful talk. Knowing my volatile and erratic levels of stress at different times of day, my dad began to formulate a metaphor to help me understand how he hoped I would meander through life. As a runner, I can strongly relate to this metaphor and hopefully, whether you’re a runner or not, you will discover some way to make this metaphor meaningful as well.

***

Life is like a long distance run. A long, long run. Maybe 500 miles in the course of one lifetime. But you’re standing at that starting line knowing you must reach the finish line of that race. You are given nothing but your legs. Nothing but your legs and a pair of shoes. How do you conquer this challenge?

Running at my meet

Dad gave examples. Some people start off really fast and burn out [like I sometimes do in my races]. Others start out really slow, then gradually, once they warm up, begin to accelerate. Others maintain a steady pace throughout the whole 500 mile span [like when I run on my own]. Some don’t ever begin. However, my dad highlighted the importance of neglecting speed. He told me that as long as I reached the finish line, enjoyed the process and remembered what made me successful, I’ve won.

***

So in reality, I need to try to approach stressful assessments with alacrity. This metaphor makes me realize that if I study too hard, it would be like attempting to sprint to the finish line when I’m only 10 miles into the 500 mile race. Maybe I’ll sprint and get ahead of a few other people running the same race. But I may also encounter a cramp or two.

I’ve got the resources and now, I’ve just got to see it. My legs and my pair of running shoes are with me all the time. I’m 10 miles into the race. I know I will encounter cramps, injuries and bruises along the way, yet I know I must reach the end of the finish line. So I don’t need to sprint. But I also shouldn’t slack off. I should run at a steady pace so that I reach that finish line.

The Starting Point of Achievement

"The starting point for all achievement is desire." ~Napoleon Hill

What I Relish Most About My Days

Everyday of the week, school offers a lunch program that is optional to attend. Mindful lunch happens to run every Tuesday. Yes you’re right, the name does say part of its content. Our faculty facilitator offers us tips to being more mindful, observing our own sensations, and discovering what works for our own, accustomed minds. However, we are often engaging in seemingly trivial conversations that actually help us understand ourselves better. So I was asked this question:

What do you like to do?

It seems like a vapid question, summoning only a straightforward answer. Yet when I dug deeper into myself, when I attempted to relive the sensation of enjoyment, I found this simple, though not sole, answer: laying on my bed at night, listening to soothing music.

I think I began this habit at the beginning of eighth grade, so a little over a month ago when I re-discovered the Irish singer, Enya. I was about 5 years old when had first heard her songs on the CD my dad played in the car, but when I was 8 years old, KISS 108 took over. I soon forgot about Enya until I heard her music on my art teachers playlist. It when then, I began to appreciate her unique, new age style.

Every night, implementing Amazon Echo and the speakers in my room, I lay on my bed. I close my eyes. Sometimes I don’t close my eyes and when I don’t, I focus on the golden light of the streetlamp that curiously peers through my curtain. It is then that I say:

Alexia, play……by Enya.

I hear a soft, gentle thump of the first note. Then a slightly more audible sound of a melody, followed by a timely onset of a song. It is this that I relish most about my days.

Below is a list of songs by Enya that are my top favorites:

1. One by One
2. China Roses
3. Carribean Blue
4. Book of Days
5. Flora's Secret
6. Silver Inches
7. Wild Child

5 Reasons Why You Shouldn't Be Afraid of Your Tears

In this world, there are tears of joy and there are tears of sorrow, yet regardless, they are tears, which may arouse some benefits. I have previously addressed the therapeutic benefits of crying because I have always been one who lets my tears out when I feel ignored, when I feel

suppressed, when I feel frustrated and all those other feelings. Now, long after my first tear, the benefits of crying are finally coming back to me. Below is an article about why crying can be good for you (if done when necessary) which are derived from some of the benefits I have experienced.

It shows you are aware there is something badgering you. I cannot iterate how many people I encounter who blunder through life never bothering to understand themselves. They tell me, “Hey Ava, I don’t what’s wrong with me.” I reply, “Maybe nothing is wrong you.” They shake their head at me, “No, I know something is up.” Crying typically comes with gloom yet almost consistently leaves a light, for it singles out a problem in your life which you can later rectify. Through my experiences with crying, it almost helps me become aware of exactly what is bothering me and it then, aware of the problem, I am able to tackle it.

It suggests you do not run away from your feelings. Running away from your feeling could means remaining stoic when inside, you clearly aren’t. Crying is an evident sign which suggests you aren’t afraid of your feelings and that you understand it’s okay to be expressive, knowing you [hopefully] have someone who will support you. When I find the courage not to run away from my feelings, and face them instead, I meet more self-awareness along the road.

You benefit by realizing that crying can help you gather yourself. Tears of sorrow are often released with remorse or a feeling of failure. I cry when I feel all over the place. Often times it’s due anger and hurt, yet most of the times, it is caused by being overwhelmed. I’m typically invest time and effort several corners of life [artistically, academically, athletically, musically] yet when each of these separate things demands something infeasibily difficult to attain, I feel no center gravitation, no drive, no impetus. When I finally release those struggling tears, I almost immediately go into a phase where I tell myself what I need to do in order to manage all of the different aspects of my life like piano, tennis and school.   

You understand the stress-relieving factor of crying. Imagine you have a boiling pot of virulent stress and in your chest. Its lava boils and it rumbles and it spits sparks and crackles inside your chest. Obviously, it will not make you feel well, and it will suck life out of your spirit. You need to rid of it as soon as possible. So you cry. And slowly, drop by drop, the lava evaporates, from behind your eyelids, down your cheeks. By the time you dry your face with a kleenex, the lava within your chest may have disappeared.

You recognize we’re human. Being human means making mistakes. There are petty mistakes but there are also big setbacks. Big setbacks sometimes leads us to feel a lack of sanguinity. It sucks out the hope we have left and often produces negative thoughts about life. However, people who aren’t afraid of their tears understand that not everyone has perfect days. They comprehend that humans will always meander through life jumping, dodging or breaking through ocean waves. When one realize that a characteristic of humanity is crying, it is then that you are able to help someone else who is also suffering. It is then that you will support them when they need to break down. You may tell them that it is okay to cry, and hopefully your previous experiences with the benefits of crying will help you bring them to their feet.

Hopefully these reasons have given you some kind of realization that it is okay to express yourself and cry. These are just some of the benefits I have experienced when I cry. Maybe you’ll experience similar or varying traits. So I guess what I'm trying to reiterate here is that it's okay to cry because you don't need to be afraid of your tears.

How I've Grown: Seventh to Eighth Grade

Seventh grade. And now eighth grade. It appears to be a one year difference, yet in reality, it was only four months ago that I was a seventh grader. I’ve written about this sudden jump in responsibility and the seemly giant spurt in age, but the truth is, I’m only four months older. Yet I feel my perspective has developed and changed meaningfully during these past four months.

It’s about grades. I may seem like the nerdiest of nerds to be pondering this, but honestly, it has played a major part in the drive of my educational past. I’ve never been very competitive physically yet anything mental has been very competitive for me. Whether that involves placing a jumbled up alphabet in order or solving a math problem the fastest, I had a tendency to measure myself against others.

This year, my competitive intentions are different. They still exist and I frequently notice them when the bugs in my head buzz, yet they have taken a different route and I see my competition from a different perspective. Martin Luther King Jr. once said,

“I judge people by their own principles, not by my own.”

Likewise, it takes both courage and fortitude to judge yourself against yourself, not your peers or those you’re surrounded with.

So eighth grade…here I am. I still find myself occasionally returning to my “old ways” of being ashamed of myself when others do better. Their success acts as impetus for me to work harder, yet I also try to be genuinely happy for someone when they succeed, remembering the habit of Thinking Win-Win. I recognize that sometimes my notion to compare myself to others still resurfaces, but when this happens, I find that repeating this to myself helps: Ava, you’re your own best competition, you can drive yourself. It kind of rings, doesn’t it? Like I’m good enough to be competition for someone! I will not ever try to suppress thoughts or refrain from experiencing my own feelings, especially since we are all humans and feeling competitive is natural. All I must do is recognize my feelings and prevent them from overtaking my outlook of failure.

The Ocean Waves

Life is like a Ocean Wave. It wants to push you onto the shores of an abandoned island. Many people capitulate to the forces of the Ocean Wave, for they are forced upon the shore of an abandoned island. These people are known as the Stragglers. People pity the stragglers for

Shore from my Flickr account

they cannot be rescued without the deviation of another person’s life. Yet the stragglers are not doomed without rescue; they can make it off the shore by trying a new tactic of escape. This symbolizes when something in life isn’t working out. People aren’t paying listening to you, you can’t get along with your friends, or you can’t find enough time to get sleep. It is during these times that experimenting and changing tactics will bring the best results.

Right now, I feel a little bit lost. I feel like a Straggler who is stuck on an abandoned island. I need to get back into the ocean, but the Ocean Waves keep holding me back. No matter how hard I try with my old strategy, it is not enough. At this point, it’s about change. I’ll approach life with a new tactic and hopefully escape the island the surpass the forces of the Ocean Waves. It’s the only way.

The Brightness in the Darkness of Everything

I’ve talked about things that fly around in my head when my mind is not occupied with school, community or duties. It is in these moments that I tell myself to take a deep breath and reflect on myself. This is my moment. My moment to see my myself. A moment where I

from my flickr account1

am self-full, not selfless. This may sound selfish, but trust me, we all need it once in awhile. When we’re down. When we’re lonely. When we feel lost and confused and the ocean waves seem only to be pushing you to shore. So I’ve composed a poem which I think illustrates the light in dark situations.

The Brightness in the Darkness of Everything

Ava Long

You know, people say,

“The grass is always greener on the other side”

I think this well reputed maxim

Is quite

E–X–A–G–E–R–A–T–E–D.

…because what if there was no “other side”?

So in reality,

We must learn to make the most

Of what we are given.

If we are short,

It would be wise to wear stilettos.

If we fail our next assessment,

It would be wise to comprehend

that we learned something.

If we are simply too t––––i––––r–––––e–––––d

To get out of bed,

Because life

Is too vapid,

It would be wise

to challenge ourselves.

If we feel the W

O

   R

      L

        D

Is ENDING,

And we can’t do anything well

With what we are given,

Have faith

That there is a

Brightness in the darkness of everything

And this startles me: One summer

One summer is three months long. School begins in September and ends on the first week of June. Summer vacation is only 3 out of the 12 months in a year. Yet much has evolved. Much has changed. On the first day of the school this September, I noticed this evolution. Some marked greater than others. Others were more subtle and internal, while other changes were physical and external. But almost everything, everyone came back different. And this startles me.

It’s only a three month difference, but now my class is the eighth grade. In eighth grade, teachers tell the students, “You’re the eighth grade now. Be good role models to the seventh grade. You guys are the big kids now and we hold more expectation of you. You are the leaders of this campus.” In reality, it’s only been a three month difference: June to September. Yet when I return, I’m the “big kid” and “I hold more responsibility as an eighth grader.” My heart has merely been pumping for an extra three months. I am only three months older. But when I return to school, the new loadful of responsibilities that are handed to my class make our three month aging, seem much older. And this startles me.

Style evolution occurs each year. I don’t know what it will be this year, but I know last year, it was the “romper” outfits for girls. We leave the campus in June, wearing whatever the latest trends are. Over the summer, some clothing companies or fashion houses develop a new kind of outfit. This outfit spreads until it is prevalent in almost every store. Then kids by these new clothes, returning in September with new mindsets, new hearts and totally evolved fashion. It’s only been three months since I last saw them, yet the dramatic, vagarious, and sometimes abrupt fashion trends that emerge from what seems like the middle of nowhere, make three months no-see seem like long time no-see. And this startles me.

Departing Question: What startles you?

The Power of Community

These past few days of school have improved since my post about breathing (post here). My participation in English class has increased since we started reading the well-known To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee and one of my goals this year is to contribute, pose and answer provocative and discussion pushing questions.

Last week I also wrote about my struggles in math class. But this week, math couldn’t have flowed more smoothly. It’s a class where discussion, collaboration and cooperation is encouraged, in fact, mandatory. The other day (Tuesday if I remember correctly), we were tackling some difficult literal equations. Challenged in class with the isolation and the plugging in to check the equation in the end, it wasn’t until I was  given around 10 minutes in class to start my homework that I began to incorporate the few concepts I had grasped in class. Our teacher offered us the choice to chose small, selective groups of people to work along. I decided to work with three other boys. To be frank, all four of us appeared somewhat overwhelmed after the fast-paced explanation prior in class. What amazed me was the power we created when we worked together. I frequently rave about synergy, yet this instance reminded me of the even stronger force that can be created when we work together as a community. Community, defined as when you feel a part of a societal group, when you feel important, needed, and welcomed. As a result, our group completed seven of the ten literal equation problems in a matter of 10-ish minutes, just because we had cooperated with each other, learned from each other, supported each other, and made each other feel like we belong. That feeling, that feeling. It stuck with me throughout the week and I’m sure it will continue to adhere. I feel a…brightness, almost. A sense of being appreciated. And I think the world needs that more of that sense…that pleasure. Dale Carnegie once said the one thing all humans covet, no matter social status or income levels, is the desire to be important.

What it feels like to be a part of something…something important. What it feels like to be welcomed. To be comfortable voicing your opinions. To be a part of a community, a second family. I’m almost positive I experienced that feeling this past Tuesday. The people you’re surrounded with help you achieve your life goals. You learn. You grow. You fail. And you learn again. I suppose this third week of school has taught me this; the importance of community and the life-long effect of how we welcome each other.