The People We Can Never Fully Reciprocate: Chinese culture and the act of giving back

There’s a tradition in Chinese culture that has always quite intrigued me: reciprocation.  Reciprocation in every sense from what I’ve heard in my family.  Simple things such as, you brought us mooncakes this year, we will buy them for you next year.  Or, you lent us some money for college, we will give you the same when your child goes to college.  I hear more about reciprocation on my mom’s side of the family as her family is still based throughout China and is larger than my dad’s side.  But this cultural tradition intrigues me because it instills a mentality of learning and growing together.  Reciprocation is the nexus between two acquaintances, the oxygen that keeps the fire in a family going, and while I’m not extremely knowledgeable on Chinese culture, I know reciprocation plays a role in the way of life for many people in China.  Essentially, it’s a principle that says one shouldn’t just take and take and take; one must give back.

I’ve tried to become more aware of this in simple and everyday notions.  In conversations, my mom often says I talk too much.  It’s not the worst of problems, but I admit I’m quite chatty particularly when I’m in the mood.  But this hinders me from learning from others when I have conversations, which can be filled with my thoughts, opinions, and recent reminisces.  Buddha once said, “If you’re mouth is open, you’re not learning.”  I feel this couldn’t be truer in conversation, as I cut off my ability to receive, or another person’s ability to reciprocate.  While the sharing and purchasing of mooncakes is one deed that can be reciprocated, the sharing and passing of knowledge is perhaps of a more paramount importance.  

It’s difficult to say, and I’ve been playing with this idea, but I’ve noticed there are some people in one’s life who you can never reciprocate.  Yes, most people I meet I can give and take from them.  We share ideas.  We spend time with each other.  We give each other emotional support.  And while I believe acting out of genuine care and appreciation is the ultimate lesson reciprocation teaches, there are people who you can never give back enough.  There’s only a few special people like this and at this point in my life, as I am preparing to head off to my second year at Andover, thinking about how eighth grade was the year I lived in my parents house everyday (and probably ever will), I can’t help but feel grateful.  This appreciation has pleasantly awashed me each morning these past few days, 24 hours closer to moving in day of my sophomore year of high school.  Because honestly, at this point in my life, the two people whom I feel I will never be able to fully reciprocate are my parents.  And while I will support them when they’re old, they’ve given me an education, family, and handed me life: gifts that are virtually impossible to give back.  I’ve thought about this here and there, toyed with the idea for a little while and I’ve come to conclude that this may be the only exception with China’s cultural tradition of reciprocation fails to fulfill.