Friendship is an ongoing decision

We had been best friends until middle school took us separate ways. Z and I hung out frequently, we told each other just about everything, and we supported each other as we grew. My elementary school best friend and I have stayed fairly close since we parted ways in middle school. We text each other and stay up to date with each other through social media.

Z and I meet up once or twice every year during the summer/holiday seasons when I’m back from school.  I met up with Z yesterday afternoon, an event that sparked this post. Even though we no longer attend the same school (and hadn’t been since 4th grade), live in different towns, and lead separate lives, our physical distance has not affected our friendship as it does for many. 

Very few of my friends are long distance. Perhaps a part of me has found it difficult to maintain close relationships when I can’t interact regularly in person. Certain events bring me together with another person: school, camps, athletics, etc. But I’ve discovered how a lot of these friendships wither with time. Getting back together with Z yesterday afternoon reminded me of the endless possibilities even in a long-distance relationship. I’m in close relationships with a couple of other friends whom I still see once or twice a year. They, along with Z, have shown me something important about friendships: it’s an ongoing decision. 

To be friends, to have a relationship, even to love, are ongoing decisions that one makes when a tree falls in the middle of a road. It’s after a lighting storm and the tree is split from its stump. The rainwater makes the dirt on the pathway muddy. It’s difficult to trudge through, but at the end of a storm, two people stand before the fallen tree. There are ways around this tree and the mud. There are also ways to passively wait. Those with whom I climb over the tree remain close friends; distance, differing interests, and time have little effect on the spirit of the past. I am lucky to have a couple of close friends whom I’ve been able to keep through our once-a-year get-togethers, texts, and social media.

Unfortunately, we don’t always manage to find the strength to climb over that tree. When we fail to do so, we can only passively wait for fate to bring us back together. This is the biggest reason why I’ve lost connection with some of my friends. Whether it’s the little strength that we began the climb with or the little faith we have in successfully climbing over the tree, I don’t believe there is any inherent catalyst that drives friends apart. Neither distance nor time is powerful enough to break apart a friendship if both parties proactively make the ongoing decision to reach out when they haven’t connected in a while or spend a few hours together once a year. Friendships require time but they also require proactivity and the desire to stay together. 

I suppose ongoing decisions and proactivity extend well beyond merely friendships. They are the core of life. Merely finding the impetus to wake up in the morning after a hard night only to go back to school, work, etc. is an ongoing decision. Making the ongoing decision to problem solve through difficulties and work for the betterment of ourselves helps us make the ongoing decision to stay alive. Take this as a grain of salt as I’m a high schooler and I still have much to experience in life. What I do know is that the friends whom I’ve kept connecting with after our lives took separate turns have jumped over the fallen tree with me.