We scare ourselves more than anything or anyone

At night, when I have nothing to do, little to think about, and no immediate pressures, my brain wanders. Lately, I’ve found myself stressing out around 9:30 PM at night. Perhaps summer vacation and the lack of a three-tests-per-day schedule are the culprits to my stress. I don’t know why. It seems that whenever I have no imminent stressors ahead of me, my mind backtracks and begins freaking over stressors in the past. It’s almost as if my brain has become accustomed to constant stress. Perhaps the lack of stress and things to do induces stress. I begin worrying about past failures, panicking about my performance in school, or analyzing my social life.

I had a mental breakdown in my room last night. It was around 10:00 PM. I had spent the day in Boston, studied some physics, and worked on the company with my team. In the evening, I played some badminton with some people in the dorm. In the time being, it felt like a productive day. Too fatigued to work, I lay in bed at around 10 PM with little to do or think about. Perhaps that was the danger: having nothing to do or think about. I found myself meandering into my past and I began to stress myself out. 

Last night taught me something important: we scare ourselves more than anything or anyone. Yes, I’m scared of bugs and spiders, but not more than my ability to do whatever I want to myself and others. A part of me wants to trust myself. Nevertheless, it’s difficult knowing how much power I possess over myself and my capabilities. Having power is an amazing aspect of being a human being. We have the power to succeed, to persist against hardships, and to produce real change in this world. On the other hand, our power can also inflict pain upon ourselves. Striving to find that equilibrium is ultimately the key to success. I’m a believer in the idea that a little pain produces more gain than a smooth hike to the top of the mountain. 

To conclude this post, I will talk about a little saying I’ve seen on Instagram. There are these I’ve seen posts which say, “behind every successful person is an endless latte”. True, to a certain degree. However, what’s always true behind every successful person are the times they overcome the nights where nothing makes sense and where everything feels upside down.