I’ve recently come to realize my inclination in getting things done fast. I have what my mom calls a ji xing in Mandarin. It’s not a personality disorder or anything serious. I would say it’s just a personality type. It’s where I feel the need and the rush to finish everything. It’s not that I have other things I want to do after. Though this is not a dictionary definition, I would describe a someone who has a ji xing as someone who has an addiction to the gratifying feeling of being done.
I’ve stopped to think about my ji xing and I’ve discovered the magnitude of this “addiction” of mine, through observing my close friend. I’ve written about her before, and while she may be slightly disorganized and have a tendency to be a little late to everything, I believe she’s the true epitome of someone who takes her time with everything. My friend does not like to struggle with physics homework, however, she will spend hours on end reviewing for tests and quizzes, patiently staying awake late at night until she believes she understands every concept clearly. Only then will she allow herself to go to bed. She also takes her time getting ready in the morning (not accounting for the fact that she’s around 3 minutes late to first period every day!). When I say she takes her time, I mean she also takes one hour to eat dinner.
My friend and I are polar opposites in this sense. When she walks around, I sense an aura of patience. Her steps glide gracefully, and her arms moved in a relaxed manner. I usually wait for my friend in the morning (if she doesn’t make me late to class of course!) and even when we have merely four minutes to get to class, she’ll still be pacing around in her room looking for things slowly, as if she had all the time in the world. Watching her try to find her stuff, the only thought going through my head is, “GO!!! Faster! Why is this taking so long??? Why does she not appear the slightest bit rushed?” On the other, I can sense my exigency and my strong sense of time through the way I walk. I often have my hands in my pockets to minimize air resistance, and I’ll take longer strides like the business people in New York take when they’re walking through the city. I feel an evident lack of patience in many things I do, and I find things are usually exciting to do in the beginning but after spending some time working on it, all I want to do it to finish it. Again, this is both good and bad. Ironically, it keeps me on schedule and prevents me from burning my brains out on small details, but it also deters my ability to delve deep into whatever I’m trying to accomplish.
I aspire to instill patience into my life and personality. I always seem to be rushing through everything I do, which results in lower quality results. I rush through my homework, and on exceptionally crammed nights, I find myself focusing on finishing over learning. I find myself focusing on drawing that check mark of completion rather than reflecting on what I actually learned. I’m seeing gaps in my lifestyle as well. Instead of sitting down to spend time with friends at dinner, I’m too rushed to go off and work on that homework. It’s as if every time I’m trying to do one thing, I’m always simultaneously thinking about the next thing I have to do later, distracting me from what I have to do in a particular moment.
Of course, I must recenter myself to the idea of balance again. I frequently write about having balance and avoiding the extremes. This idea is no exception. I would like to take a reasonable amount of time for everything I do, but not take excessive time doing everything. Maybe I don’t need to spend an hour eating dinner every night or take one hour long showers as my friend does. On the other hand, when I try to produce quality work, I recognize the demand and the necessity to sit down and really spend more quality time. I’ve already begun to implement this idea in subtle ways. I’m spending more time reading through my physics textbook before I dive into the homework problems, and I’m spending more time previewing topics before we learn them in class. I’m experiencing positive benefits, as classes are easier to understand, I complete the homework more efficiently, and overall, I gain more from my learning experience. Another small way I’ve began to implement patience into my life is through making and drinking hot chocolate. Instead of making a cup of hot chocolate in the dorm and drinking it in a matter of five minutes so that I can clean the mug as soon as possible, I take my time sipping the drink to genuinely enjoy the chocolaty taste of winter.
I know we’re still a few weeks from New Years, but I’ve started mentally gathering things I would like to work on for 2019. This is one idea I’d like to add to my bucket list: to be more patient and spend quality time with everything that’s in front of me instead of worrying about the next thing on my plate.
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