Coronavirus, memes, and repetition

If nothing else major happened this week, the World Health Organization declared coronavirus an international emergency on Thursday. News of the virus began to appear earlier this week, having originated in Wuhan, China. Since then over 300 people have died in China and the disease has managed to make its way into other countries. Nearly 12,000 infections have been reported since then. Coronavirus is particularly dangerous because of its air-borne nature, which leaves victims unaware that they’ve been infected until days later when they’ve already interacted with so many more people to whom they could have spread the disease. I believe the aspect of how quickly and unknowingly it spreads scares people the most, as a person will appear healthy until several days later. Coronavirus has not only brought about the deaths of hundreds of people but it has resummoned prejudice and xenophobia.

Just by scrolling through my social media feed, I have seen several coronavirus memes, often referring to the beer brand Corona or holding Chinese people responsible for this world epidemic. This is an international emergency where hundreds of people have already died. These memes about coronavirus screamed insensitivity to the people suffering from the disease or of whom have lost family members. Furthermore, some of these memes accomplish nothing other than placing blame upon the Chinese when mankind should be focusing on finding cures and keeping noninfected people safe. 

I was particularly shaken by a conversation I overheard at the downtown Andover Starbucks on Wednesday between two men sitting by the window. At that hour on Wednesday afternoon, I was the only Asian in Starbucks but not the only student from Andover. While I was waiting for my drink, I overheard one of the men spontaneously begin talking to the other about the diversity of Andover’s student body. May I gently remind you that I was not the first Andover student at Starbucks. He said something to the effect of how diverse Andover is and how we have a lot of people coming from all over the world, in particular, China. I saw the two men avert their eyes when they caught me glance at them. Shortly after, they left. 

While they never explicitly directed any commentary towards me, at the moment it was quite obvious that the way I looked had sparked this random discussion topic about Andover’s diversity. This moment has stuck with me because until now, I’ve never actually ever felt my physical presence alienate the security of someone else. I’ve also never walked into a room where people indirectly called me out because of preconceived notions on the basis of how I look. 

Looking back at the situation serves as a reminder of our society’s continued prejudices and biases towards immigrants on the basis of physical appearance. The fact remains that preconceived notions will always prevail to exist and implicit bias isn’t easily dismantled. I cannot seem to locate the quote in my history book of which this scenario reminded me, so I will share a newer quote whose message echoes something to a similar effect:

“Everything that happens once can never happen again. But everything that happens twice will surely happen a third time.” -Paulo Coelho

The world breaks everyone

a cloudy night on campus

“The world breaks everyone, and afterward, some are strong at the broken places." -Ernest Hemingway

The UM App

This week was very stressful. Heavy school work, an exam, and applications made this week particularly difficult. I cried numerous times, sometimes the only coping mechanism I know to turn to when things become difficult. 

Yet it wasn’t school work that made this week difficult. Rather, my upper management application for our school newspaper, The Phillipian, flooded my mind with stress. To people outside Andover, stressing about a school newspaper application may seem petty. The thing about being on the UM of The Phillipian is that it’s like having a part-time 25-hour-per-week job. We publish a 20-page paper every week, which requires 20 pages worth of articles every week, and meetings to review the previous papers every week. 

Since the job itself is so arduous, the difficulty of the application comes as no surprise.  The most important thing I learned about from completing this 23-page application (in addition to writing two articles, using Adobe InDesign to layout a page in the paper, and performing a Web-Demo) is that applications are not just tests of what you know or who you are; they are also a gentle reminder of where you lack. 

The Phillipian app tested me in areas that even my high school applications didn’t touch. I must admit, the writing part of the app was easiest. The questions required thinking deeply but there wasn’t a right or wrong answer which made it almost enjoyable to do. While putting myself on paper was the primary part of the app (hence the 23-pager), the application also tested my digital editing and design skills. I struggled with this part. I was particularly flustered when I had to use Adobe InDesign to layout the page. This assignment was difficult because I had never used InDesign in depth. I tweaked with my layout for over 90 minutes but it still didn’t resemble the layout of the paper. 

I ended up submitting my not-so-correct layout of the paper. While I didn’t feel too good about that part of my application, I realized that if I want to be a part of The Phillipian’s UM, I would have to better my skills with InDesign. I left the computer where I had finished my Layout feeling a bit frustrated by my ineptitude with InDesign, but more so recognizing a hole in my skill set. 

So here I am now. I turned in my application at 9 AM this morning in person after having worked for an entire week on the components. Regardless of whether I get onto Phillipian UM, I have finished the process feeling like I at least know where I can improve myself. I’m grateful for having been able to participate in this opportunity.

Trust is the easiest thing to lose and the hardest thing to get back

Trust is powerful. This week, I realized that trust entails more than just having the power to confide secrets in someone. It also involves more than just believing someone for their credentials. Trust is more than just a verb or a noun. After thinking about it for a bit, I believe it’s a state of being with someone else. 

Trust enables one to get angry at another. I, at least personally, have never felt comfortable expressing resentment towards people I’m not super close with. Beyond minor annoyances, I never complain or express judgment to those whom I’m can only say “Hello”. One of my friends was mad last week, not at me, but at someone else. Instead, they vented their anger at me and I took that as a compliment that they had instilled enough trust in me to know I wouldn’t take it personally. It requires trust to get angry at people. 

Anger is just one element. I’ve discovered that trust allows us to forgive another. I have a very deep level of trust with my best friend. She has that level of trust in me too. This past week, I was involved in a confusion that she had to clear up with another friend of ours. I was ashamed of myself for my involvement. When I went to her room, she was busy explaining to the third party involved. She was a bit flustered and out of words for the situation, which we ended up working through together to explain. After, I apologized for what happened, a true apology where I realized the extent of the repercussions of what I’d stated. I was touched by my friend’s response: “Don’t worry about it. We have that level of trust”. 

Trust allows us to listen to others. Advice is almost never reciprocated by those whom we do not trust. We hear it, but we forget it. It’s when we remember the advice someone gave from a while back that we can fully appreciate how they had our best interests at heart. It’s where one takes into consideration the words of another before making a decision or performing an action. 

Trust has the potency to help us overcome difficulties in life. It has power in a human connection to dictate behavior that no other state of being can quite accomplish. To conclude this post, I’d like to share a piece of advice my elementary school teacher told me: Trust is the easiest thing to lose and the hardest thing to get back.  

Winter break 2019

Something’s always brewing when I head back to school. People are more lively, willing to enjoy dinner with friends, and in better moods. The break unmistakably contributes to our mental and physical restorations. 

I head back tomorrow evening. I’ve lived through two years of high school breaks, yet I’ve never felt so unready to return. I always struggled to get ample sleep, even on breaks, in the past. Yet these past two weeks, I’ve been waking up at around 10 every morning, a true first. I anticipate difficulty in waking up at my usual 6:30 time. 

This break, I’ve taken time to relax in the evenings while being productive during the days. I have been working out at Barry’s, playing tennis, and running on my own to work out. I’ve been preparing for some exams and cracking down on some summer program work. I’ve been brainstorming history paper research ideas and reading the WSJ to keep up with the corporate world. 

I watched a couple of good films over break, including The Rainmaker, Inception, and The Ring. The Ring freaked me out. In all honesty, I’ve never been much of a horror movie enthusiast, however, I didn’t know The Ring belonged to the horror genre until I was much too far into the scaredness to turn back. I had trouble sleeping after watching this film. 

Winter break evokes the feeling of homeyness. In the midst of these seasonal celebrations, I was able to spend some worthwhile time catching up with old friends. I met up with my middle school buddies as I wrote in a previous post and spent time with my old friend from elementary school. Most importantly, I was able to spend valuable time with my parents, whom I don’t get to see every day at boarding school. 

I’m not sure what to expect on campus when I return tomorrow evening. In the most positive sense, I seem to miss a lot of campus news lately and I expect the restarting of school to fly by. I’m most looking forward to catching up with my friends over dinner; I’m curious what they’ve been up to over break. A side of me also lives in denial of the end of my 10 AM mornings and peaceful evenings not spent writing papers. Regardless, I must find the willpower in me to get back on track; it’s time to return to high-power productivity.

An end-of-the-year party

I keep thinking back to an end-of-year, or rather end-of-the-decade, party I went to last Friday. My friend from middle school hosted this party and invited our friend group. While parents hung upstairs to socialize, we were able to hang out in the basement. It was amazing to catch up. 

I learned about the classes my friends are taking, their school newspaper, orchestra, their cross country experiences, and the other people in our grade. They asked me about boarding school and how it differed from my day school experience. We talked about new movies coming out and seamlessly transitioned to watch a funny SNL clip while nibbling on some delicious chocolate mousse.

What takes me by surprise every time I think back to that night is how easy it was to hang out with my old friends. In all honesty, before the party, I feared we wouldn’t get along like we used to since high school took each of us separate ways. Some left the friend group. Some new faces joined. Some left the school. Nonetheless, when we reconvened nothing held us back from socializing. The fluidity of our conversation almost made me question whether we’d ever been apart in the first place. 

Going to this party helped me realize that I always have a place amongst this group of friends regardless of how time has contorted my perception of our friendship. Most importantly, I’ve experienced the power of maintaining friendships and the potency of human connection. One of the difficult things about life is that it’s like a train. We hop off at a stop and we meet people there. However, it appears that once we hop onto the train to discover new adventures, we may never reconnect with those old friends again. 

I believe it requires a conscious effort to go back and find time to meet up with old friends. It’s like hopping onto a train to rendezvous at a new stop. Human connection is by far one of the hardest things to maintain due to the nature of a life’s path, but I’m grateful to be getting practice now. This only makes me wonder how much harder it will be post-college after we all find ourselves in different cities. But maybe that's just the nature of life. Nevertheless, I'm grateful to have been able to catch up with my old friends and to feel as if I belong even through the challenges of time and distance. Thank you.

2019

2019 is almost to a close. Every year flies by faster and the boundaries between years seem to bleed into the next. Years used to remain contained within itself, almost like the closing of a book. At New Year’s Eve, it would be time to store that book onto the bookshelf. It hasn’t felt that way this year. What happened last year remains constant in my present-day life; the book seems to have acquired new pages and grown longer. 

While winter is a cold time of year, I don’t actually despise it. I enjoy this time of year because of the festive lights which compromise the early darkness and I enjoy the smell of pumpkin spice at Starbucks. While the streets empty out earlier in the winter, people return home to warmly lit houses where they can be with their families. This time of year is also a time of reflection. 2019 didn’t feel like an entire year. It felt too fast. Everything fell into place quickly and changes were difficult to make. It was also a year where second-guessing repeatedly lead to mistakes. Nike’s motto “Just do it” would accurately describe the way I felt about my work ethic. 

I feel I matured this year. When I say “matured”, I don’t exclusively refer to having grown older, but rather I understand myself better. I believe there comes a time where everyone solidifies who they want to be and move away from different “phases” of childhood. There’s this saying that every teenager goes through the rebellious stage before they grow up. While I didn’t exactly go through a rebellious stage per say, the concept of exploring my identity involves venturing out onto a tightrope. I think this year, I’ve found myself walking off that tightrope onto solid ground. In discovering who I strive to be, I’ve grown more comfortable in my own skin as a byproduct. This new comfortability with myself is what I fluidly refer to as “matured”. 

This year, I began caring more about etiquette. It’s something I’ve never cared quite as much about until this year when I realized how etiquette is a sign of respect for oneself and others. I’ve become more mindful this year. 

Finally, I feel I’ve become a stronger writer this year not because I’m receiving more positive feedback on my essays but because I know what good writing looks like. Or rather…feels like.  The words and ideas of Yuval Noah Harari, the author of Sapiens, articulate so fluidly it’s as if Harari’s analysis is a revelation I’ve personally worked through. Clear writing speaks to the reader almost to a personal level. Harari left no room for misinterpretation of his ideas, which is how I feel I’ve been able to connect with them. This is something I hope to accomplish in my writing. 

So here I am. About to move onto a new decade at the age of 17. In all honesty, no matter how grand a moment this may feel, I do not think I will remember it 50 years from now. 2019 marks the end of the decade and therefore the end of many trends. Music tastes, style, and fashion will inherently change in the new decade. Whatever it may be, I cannot wait to see what 2020 brings. Cheers to the new decade.

Our greatest happiness

"Our greatest happiness does not depend on the condition of life in which chance has placed us, but is always the result of a good conscience, good health, occupation, and freedom in all just pursuits." -Thomas Jefferson

While one shouldn't need to actively pursue genuine happiness, happiness is no accident. 

When I've barely tasted the world

It occurred to me that I’ve barely tasted the world. In high school, I’ve found myself increasingly consumed in the life that’s right in front of me that sometimes I forget there’s a world and a life outside of what I’ve seen. 

My life, as it rightly should today, consists of classes, studying, working out, eating, and going to the occasional dance on a Saturday night.  In all honesty, this is what my life has consisted of for the past 17 years. I joined some girls in my dorm this past week and from the start of the conversation, I could sense just how much more of the world they had encountered. One girl, whom I enjoy talking to a lot, spoke of going to clubs in Hong Kong, going out with friends at midnight, and traveling around Italy by herself. She spoke of all the people she met, all the wild (and perhaps slightly rebellious) things she did, and her experiences. I have a low-quality poker face and I don’t think I hid my surprise well. 

Going to clubs? Going out at night? At home, I have never left my house after 10 PM. I swear. I’ve never even gone outside in the dark by myself. I’ve never been to a club. I’ve rarely spent a night not at my house or at school. I’ve never even traveled by myself. 

I do not feel like I’m missing out on anything, as I quite enjoy the predictability of my current lifestyle. It’s merely been enjoyable to consider all the things I haven’t done in my life yet, a break from the to-do list in front of me. Sometimes it’s hard to imagine a life where I don’t have to do homework or study. Perhaps it’s gotten so ingrained in my lifestyle that I can’t imagine what I would do if I didn’t have a pile of papers to write or history texts to read. I suppose this is what people refer to as the “high school bubble”. It is the years where students become so ingrained in work they forget another lifestyle and other things exist. 

In that same conversation, my friend also told me about how many more types of people exist in this world…more types than I can imagine. Boarding schools attract a certain type of student and sometimes we forget that other people exist in this world. I’ve become too familiar with the people I interact with on a daily basis that I find myself utterly clueless to the people my friend talks about. My friend tells me that, like all my limited experiences, I’ve already met a very limited number of people. Though Andover’s campus in unequivocally diverse, nothing compares to the level of diversity I’m bound to encounter when I enter the real world. 

In a way, I’m curious whether college will bring about more firsts. Perhaps one must wait until after school to truly experience another lifestyle and meet more types of people. Or perhaps I will never experience the glamour my friend describes in her independent adventures. Even though I sometimes feel as if I’ve met many kinds of people and experienced a lot of things, my friend warns me that I have much more to see. Another really important realization I’ve had is that due to my limited experiences, my perspective about many things is also quite narrow. Perhaps if I experience more, I will become more empathetic towards others. One thing I can almost guarantee through hearing my friend’s experiences is that movies aren’t totally inaccurate :)

17

Although I’m merely one day older, yesterday, I added an additional year to my age. I’m 17 now, a number that feels miles more grandiose than 16 for inexplicable reasons. My age falls on the upper end of high school and I’m one year from adulthood. Even though I near independence, I still sometimes feel like a twelve-year-old. It's when I see an actual 12-year old that I realize how far I’ve come. Sometimes I see middle schoolers socializing around a small table in Starbucks, sipping their drinks with their pinkies pointed towards the ceiling, a moment where I realize I’m actually 17. 17 straddles the middle ground between the middle school Starbucks refreshers and the adult parties with wine, leaving me curious about what this time really means.

What a wonder age is. It’s effortless and in a blink of an eye, I find myself more than halfway done with high school. I can’t wait to see what this year holds for me. Thank you to my parents and my friends who have made this past year so wonderful.